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MeloJag
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14 May 2012, 5:08 pm

I've noticed recently that I come across to females as a creep. Part of this is of course because of the social difficulties we have. However a big part of it is also because I view them as aliens. So then how does one go about changing this? The only idea I have come up with is to be mindful of it. But I dont know, any one got ideas?



ValentineWiggin
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14 May 2012, 5:18 pm

Why do you view them that way?
Maybe subjecting your underlying reasoning to criticism will make this perception of yours unravel.


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SilkySifaka
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14 May 2012, 6:04 pm

ValentineWiggin wrote:
Why do you view them that way?
Maybe subjecting your underlying reasoning to criticism will make this perception of yours unravel.


This.

'Women' aren't just one entity - we're not a distinct species and we aren't all the same. Lumping us all together as aliens is probably not very helpful. We are all individuals with different needs, wants and personalities. Perhaps it might be best focussing on getting to know women as individuals, as people rather than as 'women'.



sacrip
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14 May 2012, 6:05 pm

Really, the best way to understand women is to talk to them, just like you'd talk to any man. Some are smart, some are dumb, some are hard working, some are lazy, etc...They have to live in this world just like we do, except with less upper body strength and funnier looking shoes.

And don't call them 'females'. That just makes YOU sound like an alien.


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MeloJag
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14 May 2012, 6:19 pm

Yea Definitely I think that is the answer. I just need to be around them and trying talking to them more.



MeloJag
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14 May 2012, 6:25 pm

actually I just need try to get to know people more



ThinkTrees
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14 May 2012, 7:24 pm

Yes, just apply logic: male & female of same species = more commonalities than differences.


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Zinia
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14 May 2012, 8:10 pm

I'm glad you're trying not to view women as aliens.

I also have a difficult time with my view of men. I've found that it stems from my past experiences. Maybe try looking over your past experiences and memories of various females. Write about them. Then look through them and consider if you were assigning your observations of those PEOPLE's actions to their being female.

For example: When I was a teenager a rich man solicited me for prostitution. I didn't do it, but at the time I seemed to have glossed over his actions and assumed they were because he was male.

In retrospect, I see that he didn't do that because he was male--he did it because he was someone who was fine with committing two crimes--sleeping with a minor and also paying for prostitution (both of which are illegal).

So, it helped for me to see him as a person who did this stuff, instead of as a typical male. Most men wouldn't do that.

In reality, women are just people. There are all kinds of women--individuals, all of them.

Maybe try reading about various women too--seeing diverse voices and experiences.

Another thing I like to do is read books with female point of view, written by male authors. Maybe if you could find some books you like, written by women, then you would be able to understand that there are more similarities than differences.

I think that your issues with relating to women might very well be attributed to your view of women in general, and I think it's very wise of you to consider your view of women.



lostonearth35
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14 May 2012, 9:14 pm

Fine, you try not to view women as aliens and I'll try not to view men as pigs. :) Though lord knows it's hard when they tell us to go to the kitchen and make them a "sammich". :pig:



MinorAnnoyance
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14 May 2012, 9:25 pm

I've been reading a lot of non-fiction books written by women somewhat for the purpose of seeing how women think. They're mostly written by comics or comedy writers I know from TV since that's what I'd want to read anyway.



Stargazer43
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14 May 2012, 10:03 pm

Women really aren't all that different from us, we're all people after all! Once you understand that we're really all much more similar than different, then I think you won't have nearly as many problems dealing with women!



Bloodheart
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14 May 2012, 10:49 pm

If you find a magical answer for this let me know - I am a female and I treat females differently.


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MeloJag
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15 May 2012, 11:22 am

Yeah I think reading about various women will be the next step. Been reading mostly about men. Thanks everyone :)

@lostonearth35 yea good luck with that. We are not all pigs, some of us are just half-pig lol j/k :wink:



MeloJag
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15 May 2012, 11:24 am

Zinia, thats a excellent idea for an exercise to do. I'll have to try it.



MinorAnnoyance
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22 May 2012, 6:22 pm

Stargazer43 wrote:
Women really aren't all that different from us, we're all people after all! Once you understand that we're really all much more similar than different, then I think you won't have nearly as many problems dealing with women!
I've often heard reference to "learning to talk to women" but I don't have a problem talking to women, It's people I have trouble with and there's a lot of overlap there.



homunculus420
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24 May 2012, 6:50 am

To be honest I find it interesting that you view only females as aliens. For me, the entire human race is the alien. Or actually, I am the alien, and everybody else is a member of the native species.

Do you have any idea on why it is like this for you? Is it all women, or only attractive ones?