Basic social rules?

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Hi all, I've been having difficulty as of late. At school, I can't seem to talk to anyone. When I try to join in on a conversation people either ignore me or say that what I said was mean/rude . It doesn't really make sense to me. I haven't been wanting to go school because of it and I fear that my grades have started slipping. I just feel like my ability to socialize is falling apart. If anyone here can explain to me the do's and don't's of basic social interaction, that would be great.

<----- Social failure. Can't explain squat!

I got a giggle out of that

Rather than trying to get involved in a conversation, can you spend some time observing others in conversation, and analytically figure out when to enter into the conversation, and analyze what other people like to talk about? I think that's what NT's do, and they do it over years, from when they are very young -- because they have a strong desire to fit in socially, they will unconsciously observe when to do what, and how to do it. Make it sort of a science project -- even going as far as tabulating topics and counting the time it takes for people to reply, etc.

I am sorry to hear about the troubles you are having, I can totally sympathise with you. It is difficult to guess what you are saying is causing offence, but I guess it is probably similar to all aspies. There are some basics in any group conversation that you need to adhere to. Things like:
1. don't interrupt the natural flow of conversation (as in suddenly change topic)
2. jumping in with your own thoughts when others are mid sentences (I do this a lot, and I am trying to stop).
3. do compliment others.
4. don't criticise others (unless they are really really good friends).
5. don't express ideas/thoughts that are too far off from the general group "thought process" (this one is hard for aspies, as we have a poor ability to view things from other's perspectives).
6. do appear relaxed and easy going (but not too much, i.e. like hippy-like)
etc.

There are loads of these "rules". I am reading a book on this at the moment, as I am trying to help myself in social situations. Message me, or post here, if I can be of any more help.

IrishC

I think this is an excellent idea. The thing is aspies love, and I mean LOVE, analysing and organising things into logical structures. I think that is why normally social things are difficult as they are very illogical and unstructured. But if you can make learning about social things a "science project", then your aspie mind, I think, will accept the info and understand it better. Just don't let any NT know that you are doing this, or see any writing, they WILL NOT appreciate it.

I think this is an excellent idea. The thing is aspies love, and I mean LOVE, analysing and organising things into logical structures. I think that is why normally social things are difficult as they are very illogical and unstructured. But if you can make learning about social things a "science project", then your aspie mind, I think, will accept the info and understand it better. Just don't let any NT know that you are doing this, or see any writing, they WILL NOT appreciate it.

<----- Has to be dragged kicking and screaming to social events.

Last edited by redrobin62 on 04 Jun 2012, 7:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You mean there are rules:?::!:

This sounds like a good idea, schleppenheimer. I will try this tomorrow

Thanks for the responses Irish Cream, schleppenheimer, questor, and redrobin62! (redrobin62 and questor, thanks for the funny posts ) Also, thanks for the outline of social interactions, Irish Cream

i'm actually writing an entire book about it, as there are a lot of them.

GlitchyEel,

you are welcome. The book I am reading at the moment (one of many on the social stuff, a break up has made me think that maybe I need to change a few things about myself) is called Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger's syndrome by Nancy Patrick (got it on kindle). I am only 29% of the way through, but it seems really good so far. Can let you know if it would be a good book to get hold of for yourself, and others too.

later

Irish C