Would this have been considered a healthy friendship?

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I ask this question due to past experiences-is a basic friendship that turns into a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship very quickly healthy?

I of course have autism, and said person(girl) did not. We kind of knew each other(barely), and then all of a sudden it turned into a situation where she were openly trying to get close to me.

I believe that me being unresponsive sometimes/nervous only made her try more, to the point where it felt serious.

It was a catch-22 situation-I didn't want such a quick, potentially unhealthy friendship, but at the same time it made me happier then I would've been had it not occurred.

Would this friendship have had been considered healthy under any circumstances?

It pisses me off that my autism really hurt my chances to develop a strong(er) friendship, however.

Anyone else have such experiences?

1. What do you mean by "openly try to get close"?
2. You cannot preempt a unhealthy friendship. You will not know till you try. Because it is all in the interaction right. There is no way to predict it (very frustrating for me atleat), but as my brother keeps on telling me try, dont be completely open but dont be completely close. It took me time to understand that i should not consider them as "friends" but just acquaintance till i can prove to myself that i can trust them.

But i dont think you can answer your question until you try.

It sounds to me like she simply likes you. I would tell her how I feel about it and see what happens. Go talk to her.

What elements of it struck you as unhealthy?

It became too personal. I feel like crap for refusing to agree to make it that way, though. I wanted to stand by my morals, and managed to do so but feel as if I made a wrong choice.

The problem has been that every time I attempted a real conversation, I couldn't do it due to nervousness(I looked like an idiot).



flirting.

And that is what I mean. It started off well enough, but soon got personal. Me being autistic made me possess zero self-worth however at the time.

I must say this happened in the recent past. I'm trying to move on, but it was the first friendship I had that went beyond them being just someone to talk to during lunch hours.

I'll be honest when relating how it ended: this person was forced to leave the country. By the time this happened, we had a strong, personal relationship established.

I (still) feel crappier then ever, and am just getting over it.

1st pat yourself on your back that you got she was flirting. The are some of us who dont get this stuff.
2nd does that mean that you did not like her in that way?

Hmm. Well to be honest i have no experience with this kind of situation. I am generally the one who does not get when someone is "being more than friend". Well i think the question is not healthy or unhealthy either ways. It is whether you want a sexual relationship or a platonic relationship with her.




Considering that it ended, i guess it wasnt bad if you could form a strong relationship.



Honestly, you alone did not make your relationship like that. She also did it. You have to keep in mind, people get into relationships for varied reasons. I am currently living overseas and i see this happening regularly. People seem to get into a sexual relationship when they know they will not continue to do so later. I dont get it, but it seems people do that regularly. I knew a person who said that it was best to be with as many people as possible. Although, i did not agree with them as for me any relationship with no future is not worth it, but it seems it is fine for them.

So i would say 2 things:
1. it is not your responsibility alone. if the girl is fine with it and you are not completely upset then it is not your responsibility.
2. I have no personal experience with this, but from what i read it seems that some people would actually get offended if they wanted the relationship to be personal and you did not respond. So i dont see what you did wrong to her.

I can see that you could not stand with your morals, but may be this could be a chance to see how you could work so that something like this did not happen again. But it is not bad if you were happy and she was happy and you both were fine with splitting. If not, you can follow through too. It is really your choice if you see.

You should just tell her that you want to stay in the friend zone with her. If she still tries to push, just say that you are not ready to be in a relationship with her. If she freaks out or gets enraged by your friend zone remark, she is not a good friend to have. Then just quietly leave her and look for others.

When I had refused, it just pissed her off.

In any future relationship, I really would like to just stay in the "friend-zone," unless I really have a good reason not to, as in I really care about said person and want to be more serious.

Not to suggest that I didn't/don't care, it's just unnerving to be pushed/persuaded/pressured(yes, I was pressured) into making friendship serious.

She kept trying to find ways to get me to agree, even though in reality she was just pushing me. She kept saying I have a choice/it's my decision /I'm not making you do anything, etc. nonsense. I just couldn't agree to make a friendship more serious then it already was.

Does that sound unhealthy if one person is pushing the other to do something they don't want to do? I think/feel so.

Yes. I would keep away from people like that. It is difficult as initially it is easier to be friends as they make the effort but once they start pushing you and making you do things you cant, you need to put your foot down and say no. I know that is very easy to say (just yesterday i asked my family about something similar), but you have to just say no and be firm on it.

On the other hand, if you are like me, where in having difficulty accepting any change, that is going to be your reaction to anything new. So what i am trying to say is that, you need to think and make a decision. Is the person trying to control you or is the person ensuring that you get to try something new. There is a difference between the two.