The value of friends and how no one taught me about this.

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Hello, first actual post, and the first time in my life that I actually formulate text that touch on what I believe is my aspergers.

The subject is probably more confusing than descriptive, but here's what I want to talk about:
I'm 22. I've been living and studying on my own for about a year now, and a year before that I was in the army, so I see it as I moved out of my childshome about two years ago. That's also two years that I have come to learn a lot about myself, and further how I function with other people.

The thing is; I've never had friends outside of the social gatherings forced upon me. It has always been through school (and later, the military) that I have found my companions. There is core group of very early friends that I still remain in contact with, but more often than not, I just let the contact wither when the time comes (graduations and such).

I should feel sad about this, but I don't. My only worry is that someone wold feel hurt or generally in discomfort in the moving on process, but until recently I was pretty sure that If they knew how I felt, they would take it well and get other friends. Because I've learnt that friends, even though feeling like close ones at time, is never hard to come by. I don't know if it's because I know how to be friendly so well, but I rarely have enemies (My philosophy doesn't work that way, at all) and it usually takes a month with someone to be able to converse with them about interesting things.

I'm currently studying to be a 3d artist in a small town, and I wonder. Hopefully, in this line of work, I will come in contact with interesting and funny people, but will it continue as usual? Will the friendships I gather here last?

What made me think is that on different, recent occasions, two people contacted me and was angry with me, yelling at me for never contacting them. I wanted to say that "This is usually how it goes. Go get another friend, your not relevant anymore", but I didn't, because even though that is how I feel, it would be a hurtful thing to say. But the fact still stands. I don't know them anymore, my life is elsewhere and I feel that if I could, I would make them forget me just for the sake of them handling it better.

I don't know if this all makes sense, or if I even have even a smidgen of aspergers at all, but I know that the fact that my thoughts, once uttered aloud would sound highly mean, makes me feel confused ab the whole ordeal. I don't really know if It's morally right to value friendships like I do. Even though there's no choice from my side, rather is this how it goes.

Summing up, does anyone recognize this? How do you deal with people? Should I be concerned?

In trying to make friends I go for quality of friends than quantity of friends-having a person you can really talk to and count on is better than feeling you have to make many many connections with people that will only be acquaintances and nothing more except for you being able to say you have lots of friends. As far as moving on I have to say I do no un-friend people but have had that happen many times for many different reasons and for reasons unknown.

Cusmo, everyone's take on this may be somewhat different. Here's mine:
It's good to take some risks, but expect to make a lot of mistakes. Try to learn from them, try not to make mistakes too extreme. There should be some initiation and compromise in many good friendships. Generally, small town folk are not open to people being different in many ways. Not that there aren't a lot of good small town folk out there, but if people have been closed off to the outside world for whatever reason, it may be that much harder for them to understand you or vice versa!

My experience is generally the opposite. While I do have acquaintances that I don't care too much about, my friendships tend to be profoundly strong. I am VERY loyal to the people I really get to know and they are generally loyal to me. While I am very much my own person and not easily influenced by them, I do still grow and change (slowly!) due to the people I associate with. I have a saying: "Everyone has something to teach you, even if that something is what you should NOT do." I do value other people greatly, just not many of them. For me, real friendships are difficult to come by and I don't give up on them lightly.

What do I mean by a good friendship? I don't mean someone I can just go out and have a beer and watch football with. Why? Well number one, I don't drink beer and number two I don't watch football! The thing is though, I don't have superficial friendships. Anyone I call my friend is someone I can call upon in my time of need. They are people I can talk about my problems with and not get laughed at or ignored for doing so. These tend to be very intimate relationships and not something I can easily replace. While I am not 100% certain that I have Asperger's, I do know that my experience in this area is similar to how most aspies are with their friends. We aren't generally cold people by nature but may come off as such because of our outward awkwardness. The fact that you seem to place no value on others may mean that Asperger's does not describe you or that you may be in the minority of those who have it.

Oh, wow.. I definitely recognize this, yes. I have not accepted it, as it seems you have, until recently (when I discovered aspergers and understood why I never manages, or bother, to keep in contact with people).

No, you are not really supposed to cut out people just because you don't see them as often and stuff like that, not if you have been really friends. But, often people will think that they are better friends that they really are, and keep up this small talk-thingy just to continue a friendship that isn't really more than ..well, than that small talk. Which to me seems pointless.

I have stopped trying to make that kind of friends, unless I feel I need them for something. When I'm depressed I sometimes need to have someone ask me to parties or whatever, just to feel accepted. But usually I only bother with people that can manage friendships where you can go several months without talking and still be friends, and nobody yells about it (usually this is somewhat aspie-like people too..)