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equestriatola
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24 Sep 2012, 2:31 am

VAGraduateStudent wrote:
I would recommend watching the movie "Swingers" and also the movie "He's Just Not That Into You" and following the recommendations from the Wise Characters no matter how hard it is. This is helpful in friendships and in romantic relationships, because really the rules are fairly similar.

It also helps to make sure that whoever you're being friends or romantic with is interested in one of your special interests. Then you have something to talk about. I'm NT, and I LOVE to hear aspies talk about special interests. It's like turning on TV or reading a book except it's knowledge from a real person. But if the other person knows about your special interest, or about something similar, then you might have a reason to be interested in them. It makes the socialization easier.


Thank you. Although I have not heard of the former.......


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Ai_Ling
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24 Sep 2012, 8:13 pm

Yeah I have that same problem. It takes a massave amount of work to slowly go through experiances, learn from them and rid the obsessiveness over the years. I dont f**k up as much as I used to due to some sticky situations I encountered in the past. I still do obsess over them but I work very hard to keep it contained and within limits. I dont really know how to "stop" obsessing over someone.



muff
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24 Sep 2012, 10:48 pm

the drag here is that the one with the least amount of interest in a relationship has the most amount of power. so if i am fixated on one relationship, i am likely to display an awful lot of interest thereby leaving me vulnerable to devastation if the person later decides that they cannot match my level of interest and achieve mutual benefit.

i just lost my only friend. i dont think i would have if i would have had more than one friend. this is one of the reasons my therapist says to date multiple women at once. i have never been able to be interested in more than one woman at once, so i realize i might be talking about things that arent all that possible, but i did want to talk about it.

that said, i like the rules. good solid boundaries. three calls a week, that sort of thing.



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25 Sep 2012, 10:12 pm

1000Knives wrote:
Just don't care about anything.


Some of the best advice I have ever seen on this board.



equestriatola
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26 Sep 2012, 12:45 am

KevinLA wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
Just don't care about anything.


Some of the best advice I have ever seen on this board.


Well for me, it'd be 'don't care about anything except sports'. :D


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equestriatola
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30 Sep 2012, 3:54 am

I also should say that sometimes when I say hi, I inadvertently scare the person away. I'm sorry if I did that to anyone on these forums, on that note.


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30 Sep 2012, 4:56 pm

I've had it implied that I come off as scary to others, well I think I am probably more afraid of everyone else than they are of me. But yeah I know its not just the way I dress I mean I usually wear mostly black and band t-shirts of metal bands, Pink Floyd or The Doors...so I look like a metal head which some people would confuse for goth or punk though I do like some goth and punk music.

Even when i dress normal that seems to be an issue....that's why I think its BS when people tell me there's nothing different about me that others pick up on. Not really sure what to do about that.


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09 Oct 2012, 4:15 pm

equestriatola wrote:
As I have explained, one of my impediments of having a GF is me being too obsessive about him/her, and that's a huge mistake for me.

Simply put, I want straight answers on this: How do I stop myself from putting off someone? It's so hard to find them.....

Be honest. Tell her "I like you, and I don't want to ruin this, so if I'm doing anything wrong, please tell me." Also, don't be a Seahawks fan.



equestriatola
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14 Dec 2012, 7:02 am

OK...... thanks for that advice. It's just that what can seem sincere to one person, can come across as crossing the line to another. Why is this world complex?


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14 Dec 2012, 9:26 am

I had to learn that there is a difference between guilt and shame and recognise when it happens. If you happen to engage with a potential friend and things go awry because of something you did, then knowing about it is a good thing, it is even better if you feel guilty about it. But if you start feeling shame, then you know it is time to stop wondering about it and remember the lesson behind it. Shame is taking it too far, by breaking your own character down. That is about all I can help with. I don't think one should just feel nothing.

:)



Tyri0n
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14 Dec 2012, 11:18 am

Focus on their flaws. Seriously, that's how I did it. I put all women on a pedestal but make myself see certain individual women as falling far short, even if they aren't. Those are the ones I date. It's not perfect, but it works. :-)



ajlposh
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14 Dec 2012, 9:51 pm

Female wrote:
Tell her "I like you, and I don't want to ruin this, so if I'm doing anything wrong, please tell me."


I have the same problem that the OP had. I think it's ended all three of my relationships. I explicitly stated something along these lines to my most recent girlfriend, and it still didn't work out.



equestriatola
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15 Dec 2012, 2:57 am

ajlposh wrote:
Female wrote:
Tell her "I like you, and I don't want to ruin this, so if I'm doing anything wrong, please tell me."


I have the same problem that the OP had. I think it's ended all three of my relationships. I explicitly stated something along these lines to my most recent girlfriend, and it still didn't work out.


*hugs* Sorry to hear that....... I just want some hope in my life. I'm not a bad person!


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