How do I stop being nasty?
The problem with me is that I always talk about myself because thats the only way I can relate to things. I can only pick up emotion if I've picked it up myself, I can't feel and understand an emotion if not explained to me.
My family says I'm very self centered and that I only think about myself but I do care about other people.
For example,
My sister and I were in town and I didnt want to go back home( abusive stepmother). So, I asked if we could stay longer in town and if she would be okay with that. She said yes, and then complained she was hungry and wanted food. She knew I would get told off if I bought her food and I kept telling her that but she persisted. So, I offered to take the bus home so we could get home quicker and then she would get to eat food.
My sister says I was being selfish on that occasion and that I didn't pay attention her needs... I also don't pay much attention to her but apparently she listens to me.
I don't understand she says she cares about me and then she insults me and calls me a horrible b*tch.
I would never say horrible things like that to her. I'm not a nasty person, I'm just very socially awkward because of my autism. I never think badly of people.
How do I stop this? I want to prove to people that I care about them :/ I want them to feel respected.
Another example,
I asked my black friend if she would be okay with me saying the word " n***a" because I wanted to act ghetto. She said she wouldn't mind, but the moment I said " n***a!" she went ballistic and called me a racist. I didn't even mention anything about races I just said n***a.
I can't understand neurotypicals when they complain about me it's not straight-forward and I can't understand how they feel. They end up frustrated because I can't understand them.
What do I do?
I don't see how I did wrong on that occasion when I asked my friend first if she would be okay with it
I used to work at a company with two Australians. One of them had lived in the US for several years and was married to an American. The other was over just for a one-time six month stretch.
Both of their offices were near me.
After a bit, when they met each other in the hallway each morning, one would say to the other something like "Good Day Convict" and the other would reply the same. So one morning I said the same thing to the one who had lived in the US for several years and he went completely ballistic. After that, they quit saying "Good Day Convict" to each other.
I figured it was something like your example, but I later asked someone else who had spent a few years in Australia about it and she was rather puzzled by it. She said that from what she saw, it wasn't normal at all for people in Australia to refer to each other as Convicts.
Australia was originally settled by the British as a penal colony in the 1790's. I'm guessing as part of Australia's history, as an inside joke, their descendants refer to themselves as convicts the way modern black kids refer to themselves as niggas. That is, after all, an old slave term.
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I think the theme I sense in your two examples is that you listened to them when they said it would be fine if you did what you wanted to do. NT's don't always mean that when they say it. Often, they're just too afraid to tell you no, because they want to be nice. Then, they get upset, because "you should have" just instinctively known that they wouldn't be ok with the act, even though they said otherwise.
It's like a secret code...it sucks. My sister is a master of it...she does this so often I just assume she means the opposite anytime she goes "That's fine."
Unfortunately, we still haven't invented mind-reading devices yet...
One thing you could try doing is prefacing all such future questions with, "I have trouble reading people, so I want you to be completely honest with me. Please tell me no if you mean no, otherwise I won't catch on to your true feelings."
The people who call you selfish don't seem to understand the nature of autism. Try to educate them better if you can, but otherwise, try not to feel guilty about it.
PS I would just assume that "n***a" is never a safe word to use, even if someone says it's ok. Same with any other racist and derogatory slurs. It's just better to be safe than risk offending someone.
Both of their offices were near me.
After a bit, when they met each other in the hallway each morning, one would say to the other something like "Good Day Convict" and the other would reply the same. So one morning I said the same thing to the one who had lived in the US for several years and he went completely ballistic. After that, they quit saying "Good Day Convict" to each other.
I figured it was something like your example, but I later asked someone else who had spent a few years in Australia about it and she was rather puzzled by it. She said that from what she saw, it wasn't normal at all for people in Australia to refer to each other as Convicts.
Very funny example

I guess they didn't feel very well abroad at your place.
And then there is somebody that is telling it to them from the native population like if he would consider them to be prisoners.
Almost like irony that isn't funny.
Must feel like extremely strange. No wonder they stopped saying it.
It is so typical that this can happen.
Just I try to imagine them what they must have thought. "Welcome to our country prisoners"
I can relate to this so well. I dont know why I think it is funny.
But somehow I think that it is also their faultish if they cannot take this with humor.
Poor guys. But really good joke!
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