If anyone knows what's going on, I'm really confused.

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I was having some trouble with three people in one of my classes who kept trying to bother me. ie, I usually sit at one place in the lecture theater, but they decided three weeks into the semester that they wanted to sit there instead and just moved over. So I decided to get to class slightly earlier to try to get back my usual seat, but they ended up doing the same till they were sitting in class, just the three of them, half an hour before it even started just so I couldn't have the seat. A few times they were sitting somewhere else, but when they saw me walking towards that seat, one of the girls would run over and put her bag on it so I would just sit somewhere else.

Recently, I walked into class and found that they were all late so I just took my usual seat. When they came in, they all acted really pissed off. The guy kept glaring at me, said I "stole" their seats, and the two girls took the seats in front of me, threw their bags on my table, and kept flicking their hair onto my book and my notes throughout the entire lesson. The more upset I got, the more pleased they were.

But here's the weird part. The next time I went for that class, I just sat somewhere else because I didn't want to have to deal with those people anymore, but the guy came over and sat next to me and started talking to me and acting really friendly. The class after that, I was sitting somewhere else again, and he left his other two friends to sit with me and was generally quite nice. And today before I could sit down, he called me over to sit with him and his friends and asked me about my day and kept trying to include me in conversations.

So now I'm just extremely confused. What does he mean by doing this? Has he really just suddenly turned nice and is it okay to be his friend now?

I wouldn't trust his motivations. If you're interested in trying to be friends, it's worth a shot, but be on your guard. This may be some new trick of some sort.

Yes, it might be a trap. (talking from experience)

It could be a trap, or that guy might not have felt right about what he participated in initially, and now he's trying to make amends. Like, maybe he went along with the group at the time, but thought about it differently later and decided what they did was wrong, so now he's trying to make it right. I can't really say without experiencing it for myself.

I agree with the others here. You shouldn't have to be on your guard, but that's just the way you have to be if you don't want to be taken advantage of.

Hopefully he's just being friendly, but don't give too much of yourself away easily i.e. don't let them know what upsets you, if you can.

Ya, they are being a**holes and you should just avoid them and not let them get you upset. Ignore them, it's like kryptonite to people like that.

I guess you're all right. Thanks for the advice, I'll just be civil and polite but I'll not get too friendly in case it's a trick.

DerStadtschutz, I can't tell his intentions even through experiencing it. Is there some kind of sign to watch out for?

In a lawless world I would have brought scissors with me to class and everytime they flicked their hair on the books or desk I would have cut a little bit off and kept doing so till they had a bald spot. REVENGE!! !!

Messing up hair is like Kryptonite to a super b***h.

it is a very sudden change in behaviour, they might have been reprimanded by the teacher.
still, i agree with the others: stay on your guard, it is very likely that they put on a show for some reason, either to not upset the teacher more, to make you a friend and then dump you, or a combination of the two

One of my friends from another class actually offered to stick a wad of gum on the edge of the desk in case the girl did that again. But in the interest of self preservation and not wanting to ruin a perfectly good desk, I didn't take her up on her offer.



I highly doubt they were told off. In a lecture theatre of 73 people, things like that tend to go unnoticed.

Either he's realised him and his friends were being really childish and he's trying to make it up to you.

Or he's being deliberately nice to try and trick you and he's got something nasty planned.


I wouldn't worry too much about it being the latter, but just be a bit aware of it as a possibility.

I know how you feel with the seats thing though. I get really angry when people sit in what I like to think as my seats.

Will you give us an update with what happens with these people? I'm genuinely curious?

BTW, I agree with the other posters, maybe it's a trap, maybe they really did feel bad, but it's best to stay away to be safe.

I would have taken a cigarette lighter out, flicked on the flame with it in my hand, arm extended to the front of the desk and said "go on flick your hair again, do it"

But who cares if they want to be your friends now or not? What they did is more than enough reason to keep well away from them forever and if they ever try to approach you, nicely or not, tell them you'll involve faculty if they ever come near you again.

There are enough people in this world that you don't need to give a try at friendship precisely with your harrassers, of all people.

If you do become friendly with them, without even mentioning their harrassment, even if they don't mean any wrong to you now, they'll already have an idea of you as a pushover and that puts you in a very vulnerable position in a friendship with them. Being an aspie and the level of self-confidence we aspies usually can have in the social area don't add well to such a difficult beginning to a friendship.

Trust is the first component of any relationship, and you will never be able to trust these people - at best.

Okay, basically the same thing happened again in the last two classes. Both times I was sitting one seat away from them and the guy asked me to move over and sit with them. There was a class quiz on one of the days, and the guy hadn't looked up the things we were supposed to so he kept trying to look over my shoulder to read my answers. Fortunately (I never thought this would be a good thing) I have horribly illegible handwriting so I don't think he managed to decipher much. So maybe his objective in befriending me was just to get my weekly class quiz answers, although I doubt he would have known in advance that I would know the answers.

Last edited by Jeanna on 14 Oct 2012, 8:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

It's a hard situation to deal with. If he is indeed friends with them then yes, he likely has bad intentions. Now, bear in mind that my social skills in these situations are abominable, but I would probably be very standoffish to him and insist on being left alone. I tend to be overly defensive though as life has kind of taught me to be this way. However, under no circumstances would I befriend them or accept any sort of invitation from them. People at your age tend to be very cruel to others they see as weaker than themselves. This is done to establish themselves as superior to someone else and build their self esteem at the expense of a "weaker" person's emotional and physical well-being. Why people need to do this seems to have to do with hormones and sexuality, but then again I never got it. I can only theorize why people do these things as an outsider looking in.