Social graces not so common anymore!!

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I have trouble making friends because of my Asperger traits...but could my friends also be the problem? Us people with ASD don't have many social skills, and what we do know has been learned or taught to us and we follow these rules religiously and have trouble adapting when the rules are bent or when there are exceptions. I guess we approach it logically, but social scenarios are very unpredictable and illogical.

But sometimes I feel like my friends are just bad.
I wanted to reach out to a friend I've had since I was 11 years old and she works at the same building I do, but not in the same department. I reaaaally want to rekindle and be friends with her and spend some time with her, but I have a difficult time telling whether or not she wants to be my friend anymore. Because when she sees me she doesn't say "hi" or waves at me. She has me on Facebook and she'll occassionally send me a like or something. But I'm always reaching out to her. I smile at her when I see her, I say hello, when I see her coworkers I say "tell her I said hi", I comment on her statuses, like them, support them, and when she got engaged...I made it a point to meet her fiancé and support them. I gave them a wedding present...I invited them to a few events but they never come. And they rarely invite me to anything. And it's so weird because this girl used to be my best friend. One day a rare occasion I found her online on Facebook, so I chatted with her. I noticed that she took up an interest in beading, and I've been into beading for years... so I sent nice comments to the necklaces she made, asked her how she was doing, asked her open-ended questions, everything was completely outside myself. I actually tried to show my interest in her and what she likes. And then she suddenly signed out and didn't get back to me for days. I wrote her back and for the first time in my life I expressed my upset with her for lack of socialization with me, I told her that I was upset that she just left the conversation, didn't recognize my honest effort to be friends with her, and when we were talking she didn't even ask me once how I was doing. It's not that I needed that, but it's common courtesy isn't it? Even if she didn't want to be best friends with me anymore or even close friends...if she is even a small friend or a friend on Facebook...she couldn't ask how I was doing?

This happens with me with my friends all the time, and I don't know if it's because thy are forgetting their manners or if they really don't want anything to do with me.

Even with people who are not my friends, I ask them how they are doing and what's new.
I try so hard to understand people and empathy has been getting better for me, but whenever I actually try to reach out to others...I don't get a positive response. I get this crap. I don't ask them to have the same interests as me or even be my BESTIE... But maybe a chat or invite for a cup of coffee or lunch would be nice....I'll even buy it...im not asking them to bend over backwards for me, but seriously...who has the social Disability here?? Me or society?

Maybe your potential friends think that you are coming on to them in a gay way? Have you been asked/teased to be gay before? E.g. you are showing too much interest in them, or they possibly perceive it that way.

I have this problem too. People don't know what to make of me so sometimes they would speculate if I'm gay because they don't know what "box" to put me in. I just thought I was being nice.

I don't understand this "gay" business. This happens to me with just most people I know. And this friend who I want to spend more time with knows that I am engaged to be married. How did this topic come down to "gay" ? I'm talking about basic manners and wanting to chat and spend time with friends, especially one who used to be my best friend. So if you are polite and outgoing and try to be friends with people that means you're gay?
I'm sorry, but I don't understand that at all.

I think it all comes down to the degree and frequency in which you contact this person. I think you reached out to her in an appropriate way, and it's great that you identified the things that are important to her, and asked her open-ended questions. What I see is a lack of give and take, because she isn't responding back.

When she doesn't smile, say hi, or acknowledge you back, then that shows that she is just not interested. This was especially the case when she did not want to be honest with you when you wrote her that letter about ignoring you...if she really wanted to reconnect she would have apologized. It could be that you are commenting a little too much on her stuff.

The reason people have suggested that you're giving off a "gay vibe" is not because you are, but you may be behaving in a clingy way that perhaps some people could interpret as flirting. This kind of behaviour can make peeople feel very uncomfortable around you to the point where they begin actively avoiding you.

Also, Facebook seems to have different rules in real life. You can have someone as a friend on facebook, but not as a friend in real life. Even as a "friend", they may not necessarily talk to you or even like you. Your friend seems to be the type who will have people just "there" on her list, and unfortunately I think that you are "just there" on hers.