Well, I guess it's an idea to put my problems down here.
People just think I 'm strange, but I have never got the chance to know how to act normal.
I don't know what my conduct is like to other people, that's a short way to tell what's the case. At school from the age of 14-18 years old I actually didn't really have any friends. I just was the guy which was made fun of by almost the whole school and this causes a lot of problems for me because I don't want to experience that anymore, so if I want to go to an university I have to watch out for not being around those people anymore. Some of them go to university too though. At the time that I was socially isolated from other people I tried to get out of it, so I asked some guy with PDD-NOS if I could join him in the breaks. The consequence was that I was around his friends by that time, some of them thought I was strange and these were the 'normal' people which you see everywhere, they thought it was a good idea to make a lot of fun of me, just to get me away I guess. Well, I don't know how to react to people so sometimes I said things, which caused a laughing-reaction and I didn't even know why they laughed, but I just laughed too as a reaction because in social behaviour that's a way to react. Sometimes I say stuff too which causes reactions like: Go away. So I seemed to be annoying for other people, but I didn't realise it myself. I have had this problem in chatrooms too, in a chatroom in my own language I was banned because I was offensive to people, but I guess that was my distorted sense of humor. The strange thing is that when I try to imagine what something is like for other people I feel sorry about things and think that some things are horrible, but normally I can't do this, imagine what things are like for other people, so I just shout at my parents for example if they annoy me, because I don't realise what that's like to them.
My only good year was previous year, because I was around people who didn't know me from the past and who seemed to accept me, some of them though. It's pretty normal that people make fun of me. It's logical though, because if somebody acts strange that's funny, the problem is that if you don't know how you can show normal behaviour you have a problem.
There was the idea to get professional help, but the professional help in this country messed up the life of my brother, so I don't want to go to that organisation.
I thought, maybe some people here have some advice.
Sometimes I thought about it if it's a good idea to commit suicide, but I guess it's not.
08 Dec 2012, 9:49 pm
