Called arrogant for not talking much

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while no one has said it to my face, I think people have thought I was arrogant when there are long awkward pauses in a conversation.

I have been called rude a few times.

Good gravy, I have heard the most outlandish things about myself because I don't talk! For example, the entire first semester of college, I didn't talk to anyone except for teachers. It was simply self-preservation in that I was bullied relentlessly through high school and I didn't want to even open the door to allow that to happen again; ergo, I just didn't speak.
In addition, I was at college to get my degree, not to socialize. I didn't see any point in interacting as it just distracted me from my work and made things unnecessarily complicated.
Then, in second semester, a girl was talking to me about the coursework and she's like "You aren't that bad." And I kind of gave her a raised eyebrow look and she said "We were all kind of afraid of you in first term because you were like some quiet genius or something." I laughed right out loud!
In addition to this: I have been called aloof, pretentious (I have an extensive vocabulary that makes some people uncomfortable), arrogant, detatched, emotionless, cold... basically any synonym to conceited or distant. People have also said that I am intimidating. I guess they mean mentally because I don't know what is intimidating about a short, bespectacled female with questionable fashion sense!
That being said I also am defined as being "odd" quite frequently.

I usually have the opposite issue of talking too much, but I'd just like to mention that if someone insisted on calling me arrogant for no good reason, they wouldn't remain my friend for very long...

aren't quiet men often stereotype?

Goodness I didn't know I had more replies to this thread. We are no longer friends and I got tired of how he was treating me and he sai he was taking me off his friends and not speaking to me again and he wouldn't take me off his list so I did it for him. I also blocked him and on facebook too. He just got nasty with me all of a sudden because I wouldn't be his online mommy and he was manipulative anyway. Good thing I save IM chats or I wouldn't have figured it out.

I did my effort being patient with him and accepting his difficulties in talking and the fact English isn't his first language but he couldn't do the same to me by accepting my own difficulties.

I did finally tell him I have autism but it was after he had logged off after he threw a fit saying he was taking me off his friends. It didn't change a thing because he still came back just to fight with me and argue so I blocked him and I know he won't go after me under a new account because he refuses to believe people possibly block him and he didn't even know how to do research online or look stuff up. I think his last drama was his manipulation attempt to get me to be his online mamma because I would feel so guilty and it didn't work. I blocked him instead because he said he was taking me off his list and didn't want to be my friend so I did him a favor and he said something nasty about my son anyway and the situation my husband and I were in last summer. he just showed his true colors, I don't need a friend who can't even read what I say and doesn't listen to what I say. I am sure it was one of his games but I don't care. I got tired of his crap and blocked him.


You gotta love diaper creeps. So I left a interesting message in my Fetlife profile about it after someone else was pestering me to help him fin a online momma.

I was giving this man the benefit of the doubt assuming we keep having miscommunications due to English not being his primary language but I am through with that and just think he was being manipulative by claiming I said this and that to him when I never did. Just one of his games and he wanted a momma so bad he was selfish and treated me like crap for it and I made it backfire by blocking him. Plus he would sometimes leave me strange messages on my facebook wall, provocative ones and I always gave it the benefit of the doubt and now I am sure he meant with intention.

Too bad I save IM chats, that makes it harder for people to manipulate me. He had done a good job if I had to look through our conversations to see me saying this or that to him and I saw I never did so I concluded manipulation he was doing. He had me second guessing myself so I had to look and saw it was never said by me. I also never told him he was selfish. He wouldn't tell me anyway when I had called him that when I would ask about it after the accusation.

Reading through all these comments wore me out! People can be so fickle.

I have been called rude and unsociable many times before. At work, a few people don't seem to want to talk to me. Others seem to have presumptions about me, and seem to believe I'm devoid of common sense and incapable of understanding anything, or that I just don't like them. Truth is, I'm pretty indifferent about a lot of people, but I'm not unfriendly... so... I don't know.

Rargh.

Wow, this guy sounds very rude, inconsiderate and not very accepting...not to mention a little creepy. Who leaves messages like that on a public facebook wall for everyone to see? Even before you explained you had autism, he should have just either just accepted you for who you are or curiously inquired about you instead of just making assumptions about who you were.

And remember..........Mr Darcy was accused such for the same reasons..... He still had good mates who got him, and he got the girl!

I second, the John Townstead book, it's been really helpful.
I usally get called the B word. I'm not sure how much I should bend to make others feel comfortable. I agree I think it has to do with other peoples uncomfortableness with silience. I'm not sure why they jump to arrogant instead of shy I guess they're just projecting their own insecurities and low self-esteem.
I know why I'm at a bar I get very annoyed at people when I'm making a conversation and they won't initiate, but then again its a bar. Sometimes I feel rejected when someone won't play the social game. So maybe what happens is they feel rejected and label us with arrogance because they're butt hurt about it.

My "friend" had an online mommy and she disappeared. So he thought I was ignoring him and I kept telling him over and over I am not and I am listening to what he writes and I have nothing to add to it or contribute. He was just pushy so it makes me think why his mommy stopped logging on. I figured she maybe blocked him. Then he had another mommy and she stopped coming online too and I figured his behavior pushes people away. He wasn't like this back in the days when we were online friends and now all of a sudden he was this person now. He had changed. But back then he always acted like he expected me to stare at his webcam and I would tell him "What do you think I do when I am on the computer? Sit here and stare at the screen and do nothing?" But he never got upset with me if I missed what he wanted to show me because he assumed I was looking at the webcam.

Sometimes friends change unfortunately and it's time to move on. He decided to move on and I moved on doing him the big favor of blocking him since he was taking so long to do it so I sped up process Even if it may have just been part of his manipulation.

More detail about losing the "friend"

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt222903.html