Overestimated abilities despite inferiority complex.

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Okay, so I have to work with a group on making a 5 minute film. Thats fine, group work is good with me, I like the people I'm with. But we were doing a test run to test quality and when I acted the first scene, ohmygawd I was so cringe inducingly awkward. Apparently despite my low self esteem I still overrate my speech, appearance, posture, delivery etc.

Also is it just me or is it awkward that the guy with the camera was secretly taping us for a solid hour during the brainstorm session? He played back the footage on his laptop.

And three, how do I recover from this. In the end we decided to work on a script collaboration on cloud document (google docs). I have one rather old account for all my Google stuff (not primary email acct) and it has a really really cringe, painful to read, not just embarrassing, but creepy name. I can't really explain that it was a parody. And even better, the group left immediately after berating/teasing me about it. I can't really ignore it either - every time I make a change or do anything it'd go under that name. And I don't see how I can change it.

Thanks in advance. I guess I kinda want to just rant, but really, advice would be great.

ps. Its probably easy enough for people who've been around me for several classes to tell that I'm a bit 'different', but I haven't told them anything about my symptoms or really talked about self. I do participate just fine in discussions n stuff, actually leading a lot.

How much of this criticism is self-imposed? All of it, or just some?

Most people don't look how they imagined they would when filmed, and are embarrassed or annoyed by aspects of their own recorded behaviour (whether genuine or acted). Are you sure that this unexpected version of seeing 'you' was as bad as you immediately concluded?

How did others in your group react to your filmed performance? Positively, negatively or not at all?

And you say that this shoot was a 'test'. Well, the purpose of a test is to make sure that things run smoothly in the final version, so it presents as a potentially positive learning experience, in which you appraise which aspects of your performance 'work' and which need to be worked on.



Well, he might have done it for very good reasons, namely: To have a permanent record of the session for future reference, which he made secretly so as not to make participants feel self-conscious and inhibited. He obviously didn't have much intention of keeping it a secret if he played it back to you straight after.



Well, the secret's out now, so the worst moment has passed. All you can do now is grin and bear it. Act normally and don't refer to it (unless you have to), and join in with any jokes that group members might make about it.



They don't have any right to know, and you are under no duty to tell them. But you may at some stage feel the need to explain (perhaps to just one person) some aspect of yourself with relation to your diagnosis. Time will tell.