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KevinLA
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21 Jan 2013, 12:17 pm

I believe one key to being better socially is pretending to like the person being talked to.

For me, a lot of people creep me out for one reason or the other. For the people I do not, I socialize better.

I am going to pretend to genuinely like everyone and I believe my social skills will improve.



aspiemike
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21 Jan 2013, 12:26 pm

That doesn't seem like a half bad idea. But I do see some flaws with that logic.



KevinLA
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21 Jan 2013, 12:35 pm

aspiemike wrote:
That doesn't seem like a half bad idea. But I do see some flaws with that logic.


Please share. I want to learn.



aspiemike
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21 Jan 2013, 1:01 pm

I sense that you are just going to let your ego decide who you want to talk to. This will get in the way of you connecting with others. The ego is very good at manipulation and pretending. Is that something you want? Do you want your ego to get in the way?
By pretending to like someone, and if they are blind to their ego or emotions, they may attach to you in a way that will make you feel uncomfortable as well. It is possible you may not address what you feel is appropriate or inappropriate behaviour directed towards you.
You may not accept people as they are. People will see this from you. As a result, you may see that others aren't accepting you as you are either.

The bottom line is this. You will likely have a hard time going with the flow in a social setting if you follow the idea that you have to pretend. Others will likely see right through you. You aren't Dexter Morgan and this isn't TV.. this is reality.



KevinLA
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21 Jan 2013, 1:43 pm

aspiemike wrote:
I sense that you are just going to let your ego decide who you want to talk to. This will get in the way of you connecting with others. The ego is very good at manipulation and pretending. Is that something you want? Do you want your ego to get in the way?
By pretending to like someone, and if they are blind to their ego or emotions, they may attach to you in a way that will make you feel uncomfortable as well. It is possible you may not address what you feel is appropriate or inappropriate behaviour directed towards you.
You may not accept people as they are. People will see this from you. As a result, you may see that others aren't accepting you as you are either.

The bottom line is this. You will likely have a hard time going with the flow in a social setting if you follow the idea that you have to pretend. Others will likely see right through you. You aren't Dexter Morgan and this isn't TV.. this is reality.


I could change what I said in my first post to "pretend not to dislike".

I am not sure I understand what you are saying. It seems nts pretend to like people all the time. Recently I realized that most have people disliked me my entire life and I didn't have a clue. No idea. They never gave me any indication whatsoever of their feelings about me. I am amazed at this. I have changed my behavior since then and become likable.

I don't think it is uncommon to pretend to like or not dislike someone in order to get along. Why can't I do it?



aspiemike
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21 Jan 2013, 1:49 pm

Okay... maybe I should rephrase everything to this: Do you truly like yourself? Maybe it's time to give up the relationship with yourself and just be yourself instead. enlighten yourself. This is not an NT thing, or an Aspie thing. Forget the idea that you are either an NT or Aspie and just be yourself. That is what I am trying to get it.



justkillingtime
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21 Jan 2013, 5:04 pm

I like the "pretend not to dislike". This could fall into the category of good manners and you can still be true to yourself.


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