Ranting about obessing over a friend
Okay, so I have this online friend that I admire very much. The thing is, I pretty much just 'like' him a little too much. I'm not gay, it's just that when you spend so much time alone, the little amount of friends you have become more and more valuable as time goes on (if you understand that). So my problem is, I get really paranoid that he doesn't like me anymore when he doesn't talk to me for a few weeks or so; his social life is exponentially more lively than mines. I know his deposition towards me hasn't changed but that stupid paranoid feeling keeps popping up.
When he does come on, I get extremely excited like my heart starts beating and any crappy feelings I would have would summarily disappear.
It just pretty much annoys me that I get those feelings when they really are not necessary at all and it gives me the inclination to bother him on his Myspace or something (which he doesn't appreciate).
Someone is probably thinking "well just get rid of the bugger"; that isn't possible. I am just very bound (loyal) to him and it literally scares me to think that I'd have to purposely sever the relationship. He is pretty supportive of me and it just sucks that I only see him every once in awhile..
Thanks for reading.
I've been through the same thing with an online friend as well.
I had the same feelings when they're offline, and sometimes when they're online and I too got excited whenever they came online.
I'm not exactly sure how to rid yourself of these feelings, I managed to do it, probably because I found a girlfriend mid last year that kept my mind off these things.
I'm not sure that telling you that I've felt the same way, will help you, but I didn't think anyone felt like that either, untill this post.
Ouch, tough situation, mikh07. I definitely do sympathize.
If I may ask, why do you like him as a friend? Also, are you close to him? I mean, do you know a lot of personal details about him, and vice versa?
Part of your paranoia, I think, is due to a desire for social stability. I think that many of us desire to have a social network that we can rely on, people who will be as faithful to us as we are to them. Unfortunately, the AS sense of loyalty is extremely high, as you are probably well aware. Although not impossible, it is less common for non-AS people to have a comparable sense of loyalty, especially as far as platonic relationships are concerned.
I don't have any good advice to offer you on how to break your obsession. So far, the only way that I've been able to break an obsession over a person, was to become obsessed with somebody else. I know that that doesn't sound particularly healthy, but it's just what I've been stuck with so far.
I understand what you mean, but... I don't quite agree with your statement here. In my own experience, I still became obsessed with another AS person despite having a social network in place. I'm sorry if I sound blunt and up-front here, I might be wrong but your statement kind of sounds like you're trying to rationalize how you are feeling so that people would not perceive you as weird or odd or something negative, so that you can minimize your embarrassment. Don't worry about it! A lot of us have gone through similar situations and we do not think any less of you for how you feel. Your feelings aren't illegitimate at all!
Actually, now that I think of it, another way you could possibly break your obsession would be to kill all of your feelings and emotions altogether... however, I strongly recommend NOT doing this, because suppressing how you feel will make you more angry and prone to meltdowns. Even though you'd be able to move past the situation this way, it would be at significant personal cost. It's what my friend is doing now to try to hide his feelings from me, and I could already see how much his temper has risen. For more details, I talk at length about it in the In love w/ aspie stickied thread in the Adult forum section.
_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?
Thanks guys, this made me feel a whole lot better. I was going through a phase until I read this. I appreciate it very much!
I had the same feelings when they're offline, and sometimes when they're online and I too got excited whenever they came online.
I'm not exactly sure how to rid yourself of these feelings, I managed to do it, probably because I found a girlfriend mid last year that kept my mind off these things.
I'm not sure that telling you that I've felt the same way, will help you, but I didn't think anyone felt like that either, untill this post.
Thanks. I'm glad I'm not the only one either. Congrats on finding a girlfriend.
If I may ask, why do you like him as a friend? Also, are you close to him? I mean, do you know a lot of personal details about him, and vice versa?
Yeah.. he told me once something to the extent of "What I'm going to tell you now is something I haven't even told most of the friends I have at home. If you don't tell anyone you will have gained my trust." And I trust him a lot as well, I can pretty much tell him anything and he'd try to sympathize with me and make me feel better. I guess that'd be why I like him, plus he finds my strange antics funny.
I don't have any good advice to offer you on how to break your obsession. So far, the only way that I've been able to break an obsession over a person, was to become obsessed with somebody else. I know that that doesn't sound particularly healthy, but it's just what I've been stuck with so far.
Thanks for the insight. It makes sense. Your idea does seem bad though. What if you end up becoming obsessed with both of them? Ahh, don't want to even think about it.
I understand what you mean, but... I don't quite agree with your statement here. In my own experience, I still became obsessed with another AS person despite having a social network in place. I'm sorry if I sound blunt and up-front here, I might be wrong but your statement kind of sounds like you're trying to rationalize how you are feeling so that people would not perceive you as weird or odd or something negative, so that you can minimize your embarrassment. Don't worry about it! A lot of us have gone through similar situations and we do not think any less of you for how you feel. Your feelings aren't illegitimate at all!
Thank you! Your bluntiness wasn't offensive.
Yep. My friend told me that he was impressed that I decide to write down my feelings instead of keeping it inside and just blow up in someones face instead. And I don't really like the idea of having to suppress my feelings.. I can't even expresss them to someone.
I'll make sure to drop by that thread sometime, as well.
Thanks again!
You're welcome!
Yeah, it is bad, I was simply mentioning what were possibilities, both good and ... not so good. As always, it's up to you which route you want to pick! I am not sure why, but so far I have never been obsessed with multiple people at the same time, so I didn't even think about the possibility that you just mentioned here. My only guess about such a situation would be that the basis for the obsessions towards each person would be different, for example one obsession could be based on a desire for a stronger-than-standard-platonic relationship, and the other obsession could be based on a desire for some other kind of security, not friendship-based. Financial security, or something else, I don't know...
... oh duh (slaps himself)... yeah it'd be possible to have multiple platonic obsessions, since one would feel insecure about both obsessions. I think that if the person became much more secure in one of the obsessions, then the other obsession is likely to disappear.
_________________
Won't you help a poor little puppy?
You're welcome!
Yeah, it is bad, I was simply mentioning what were possibilities, both good and ... not so good. As always, it's up to you which route you want to pick! I am not sure why, but so far I have never been obsessed with multiple people at the same time, so I didn't even think about the possibility that you just mentioned here. My only guess about such a situation would be that the basis for the obsessions towards each person would be different, for example one obsession could be based on a desire for a stronger-than-standard-platonic relationship, and the other obsession could be based on a desire for some other kind of security, not friendship-based. Financial security, or something else, I don't know...
... oh duh (slaps himself)... yeah it'd be possible to have multiple platonic obsessions, since one would feel insecure about both obsessions. I think that if the person became much more secure in one of the obsessions, then the other obsession is likely to disappear.
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