Why are some kids more popular than others?
daydreamer84
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20 Apr 2013, 4:19 pm
They're more sociable; have greater confidence and self-esteem; have a more developed "Theory of Mind"; are neither obsessive nor compulsive; are neither stoic nor dramatic; they are genuine and honest, well-groomed, well-dressed, cheerful, friendly, interesting, talented, and athletic; have good personal hygiene; and are physically appealing.
It also helps if their parents are wealthy.
Agree...except they don't have to be genuine and honest. Sometimes they are...genuineness varies. They often have good social skills and know when to tell white lies anyway. They are often well groomed , talented , sometimes very smart and they are attractive. They have good social skills and no obvious problems (they usually don't have strange body language, an odd voice or anything that puts people off). They are interesting to others because they have various hobbies and talents and passions and are witty and charming in conversations.
I'd like to believe they're all a bunch of sheep following social norms and I'm unique and independent which is why I was never popular but it's just not true. The above is paragraph and Fnord's description are closer to the truth.
daydreamer84
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Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world
26 Apr 2013, 11:27 pm
At my school there were two separate groups of popular kids: the popular bad kids and the popular good kids. The latter were wealthy and smart/did well in school and were members of the student council and lots of extra-curricular activities. They were talented in music and dance or art or all of the above, athletic , nice looking and social and had lots of friends. The bad popular kids got in trouble, smoked pot, drank, shop-lifted, talked about or had sex and were poor. They did really poorly in school and didn't try. They were still talented, a lot of them doodled or drew. Some played music. They were also pretty girls and socially skilled and conformable.
So what the two groups of popular kids from my middle and high school had in common were: talent, good looks, social skills, lack of awkwardness and confidence.
27 Apr 2013, 5:44 am
I have thought that popularity isn't linear. Kids can be popular in many separate ways with different people. Some kids are highly popular with teachers and parents like the good kids whilst others might not be but are popular with their own peer group like the bad kids. One that I'm trying to figure out are kids who have a small but loyal circle of friends but otherwise are invisible and are rarely bullied. Can this be explained?
I'm trying to work out if popularity is a result of separate independent factors or whether there are always common factors regardless of which groups of people an individual is popular with.
27 Apr 2013, 7:44 pm
I'm not sure if it's been said already but I think it's all to do with a strong ability to communicate well with others. "Popular" kids are are able to attract a crowd, draw attention to themselves and develop connections. I don't think they have to be particularly good at sports, music, or be necessarily beautiful to look at. I've known "popular" people who were neither beautiful or "jocky" but had an ability to either make people laugh - or flirt in a way that worked!
Communication style is also what lands a person a job.. or not.
28 Apr 2013, 9:18 am
I disagree with this. There are kids who everybody in the school knows because they have somehow managed to attract attention to themselves but they are not very popular and have few real friends. Making people laugh isn't always a trait that makes one popular. Many schools have their joker who makes people laugh all the time but is actually unpopular because he seen as a complete prat.
17 Feb 2014, 3:43 am
Some of the above are actually true . No , it doesn't matter if you're an athlete , a smartass , a joker . What all they have in common is that all of them have 1) self confidnece 2) social skills . That's it. I know a fat , ugly semi gay guy who is in band who's popular as f**k . It's because he's so f*****g confident peeps . You know there's this one like able guy everybody seem to love ? You should be that guy . It's not a matter of how good you look , it's how you carry yourself
22 Feb 2014, 2:37 am
Interesting. That's how people are to me. It's where we got the alpha theory. ANY examples of these people have been as old as time so do you know any way for me to hook up with him?
27 Feb 2014, 3:16 pm
I think about a similar question a lot and lately I have been fixated with observing and coming to conclusions on it...not necessarily who is popular but who is liked by others and why.
From things I`ve noticed about social groups, I have noticed that there are people who are popular but not necessarily liked much by a wide variety of others, although they make a huge effort to successfully find and associate with many people like themselves. These people tend to be highly selective about their friends, remain very cliquish even as adults and subscribe to very rigid ways of being, including the same interests, values, habits and desires. The main thing that distinguishes them is their use of relational aggression: so rejecting and making fun of people who are slightly different when they are younger, and simply moving away from/excluding these people from their lives when they are older.
People can still be popular but not deliberately exclude others. Social skills are a huge factor in being liked by others in general: not just having the basic ones but somehow knowing advanced, optimal social skills and using them. The people I find are the most popular are extroverted, spend a lot of time around people, know how to win over people (often through humor or a strong conventional, socially accepted personality) and are highly socially skilled.
_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term psychiatrists - that I am a highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder
My diagnoses - anxiety disorder, depression and traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder (all in remission).
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
Last edited by anneurysm on 28 Feb 2014, 9:41 am, edited 1 time in total.
27 Feb 2014, 3:45 pm
I have been thinking about this lately. I have a preschool-aged child who I am told is very popular. Her teachers have described her as "the alpha", etc. I have another, older, child who is not popular, with kids or adults. He has a handful of friends who are very loyal. I would have considered myself (and my husband) to have been like our son (the older one, described last, who has AS).
For the "popular" daughter (she is NT, by the way), I have actually been very curious about why other kids will go so far to please her. I've watched her in many social interactions afraid that she was being mean somehow. I haven't yet seen it and teachers haven't reported it. What she *does* do, is go out of her way to greet new children arriving and always uses their first name. Each new kid walking in gets a, "hello, so-n-so" (I think this makes each feel a little special). The other thing she does is cares more about being with someone else than she does about the activity. My son on the other hand, would play alone with Legos if no one else wanted to play. Does that make sense?
Since this is what you are asking about and I think I actually (at least) was in that group...I'd say by finding others who share an interest or interests and by being genuine and kind.
Unfortunately, I have dropped many of these friendships because I rarely seek out company. My mother used to tell me when I was a kid that if I never called my friends back, eventually they would stop calling. She was right.
01 Apr 2014, 12:40 am
I don't play popular sports or anything. Other males just like me a lot. The only reason I'm known to females is because the males won't let them forget. I don't really parttake in activities. I don't do anything. I train A LOT faster than regular mortals but they don't know that. I mean, what they get in years of hard work, I get in hours.
01 Apr 2014, 12:51 am
For the "popular" daughter (she is NT, by the way), I have actually been very curious about why other kids will go so far to please her. I've watched her in many social interactions afraid that she was being mean somehow. I haven't yet seen it and teachers haven't reported it. What she *does* do, is go out of her way to greet new children arriving and always uses their first name. Each new kid walking in gets a, "hello, so-n-so" (I think this makes each feel a little special). The other thing she does is cares more about being with someone else than she does about the activity. My son on the other hand, would play alone with Legos if no one else wanted to play. Does that make sense?
Since this is what you are asking about and I think I actually (at least) was in that group...I'd say by finding others who share an interest or interests and by being genuine and kind.
Unfortunately, I have dropped many of these friendships because I rarely seek out company. My mother used to tell me when I was a kid that if I never called my friends back, eventually they would stop calling. She was right.
It is the alpha's job to help others, make them feel accepted etc. You can only be the alpha of the same gender because the two genders have separate packs. It's a subconscious thing, you can't be an alpha if you're not. Noone is pushef out of the group. That only happens when you offend them somehow, often an easily resolved misunderstanding. Using ritalin is a bad tactic since it f****d my social life and made people wonder why I became so weird all of a sudden. It's not natural. ANY examples of alphas I've seen have all been "special" according to the first leader of the army of heaven. We train MUCH faster than ordinary humans. I for example am of the legendary dragon race, perhaps your daughter is special as well?
01 Apr 2014, 8:16 pm
There isn't really any big secret. They are just more confident and socially adjusted. Oh well, the "popular kids" I meet nowadays seem pretty immature, especially in high school. If you have to be a jackass and fight people, drink and swear like a sailor, constantly maintain an air of superiority, then count me out. I didn't need to do any of that all those years ago in high school to develop a satisfying social life. That's all that a "popular kid" is: someone with something to prove.
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