The difference from a friend vs being used

Post Reply New Topic

Hi:
I had a question about the difference in being a friend to someone vs. using you.

Note: I am not talking about manipulating you for money or anything major but more subtle actions.

What will a friend do?

What will a user do who appears to act like your friend when they want or need something?

A friend is there when you need them. A user is only there when they need you.

A friend recently pointed this out with a guy that we both know. She felt like he was not really a friend but someone who whose full intention was to seek out girlfriend, get married and have a little girl. This was by trying to test the waters even though we were wrong for each other.

My friend felt the way he talked to me a lot of the time proved it too.

1. He kept asking me for sex and I turned him down
2. We held hands and snuggled
3. He and I went to a few places together one on one.
4. He kept referring to me as sweetie
5. He hinted at me a few times about having a child together because he wants a daughter so bad

He recently found someone and had gone on a first date with her and then contacted me a week later asking if I wanted to go out to dinner. I went and found out that he went on this date and said that she seemed to be ignoring him. So we spent the evening together watching movies at his place.

I contacted him a few weeks later and he blew me off with "I have a date." He has not been calling me and inviting me to do this or that lately either. I seemed to reach out three times but he has turned me down in this cold manner.

Neither friend nor user. As soon as he gets a girlfriend he will cut off contact with every woman he knows as they were never friends, only potential "girlfriends".

I never had feelings for him but wanted a brother type friend. What do you call this?

I am not the only person who he has not been contacting. He got invited to a graduation party that went on yesterday and put maybe down. Everyone of her friends showed up but him. Our friends kept asking about where he was.

I had to break it to them that he had been seeing someone.

In fact, he tried to call me today and I know he is pissed off because when he called, I refused to take the call and decided to let my vm pick up what he said. He never left me a message or texted. So I am assuming that he is royally angry with me because I had my other friends calling him on the carpet.

He would get ready to drop me off after hanging out and would ask me if he could have sex with me without condoms. He usually brought it up when I least expected it.

No he is not scary but very sweet. He himself is on the Autism Spectrum and has a great sense of humor that you love.

It is just this part about wanting a girl, the sex part, and current expectations of the world that get you.

Here is a situation where I think someone gets used vs someone who is a genuine friend.

This happened last night at my work -

Four girls, three very pretty "barbie doll" types and one very tall, very very heavy. They all had evening gowns on and their hair done.

The three barbie doll types rolled their eyes a lot at the heavy girl, kept adding things (not cheap things) onto her purchase. In the end, the heavy girl paid for four shirts, four shorts and drinks and candy for everyone there. Before she could finish paying, the three girls grabbed the bags and dashed away with them leaving her there to finish the purchase.

She then followed them to the restroom where I found upon their exit they changed into the outfits she paid for - her included. Though the outfits were not really a good choice for her size frame.

When they left, this heavy girl had every single last evening gown clutched in front of her - the rest of the girls rushing ahead giggling and holding nothing - not even their own clothing!

Now that - is being used.

I find that disgusting behavior and hurtful. Especially since the girl told me her friends frequently leave her behind and "tease her" that way. At least this girl appeared oblivious.

I see someone being used like this: someone who is 21 or over, buy his/her friends, who are under 21, some alcohol.

That almost happened to me a few times by the same person

I have a rule called the phone test (or in this day and age, it could be the text or facebook text).

Do they ever contact you just to ask how you are doing or do they only call when they want a favor?