Question about asking questions

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I've been talking to someone with a form of autism lately and I've noticed that conversations feel like interviews where I'm the one asking all the questions and I only get a short reply. I've been told that it's normal, but I'd like to see what everybody here can share about this.

Is it common for people with high-functioning forms of autism to rarely ask any questions? If so, how do you get to know the person you're communicating with?

I hope this question wasn't inappropriate.

I completely forget to sometimes. It's not that I'm not interested in hearing about other people, but that it doesn't occur to me I should.

Thank you for the insight.

May I ask if people seem like strangers if you don't know much about their personal lives? Or do you base your opinion about them on what they randomly tell you?

Hello, welcome to the WP.

Good questions. I've worked hard to not give you one word answers.

Apparently yes.



Unfortunately, I don't.



Not at all.

Neutron, I have AS and I'm just the opposite: I have an intense curiosity that sometimes gets me in trouble. So, it is different depending on the aspie or autistic person.

Since I've obviously never seen you, I will couch this hypothetically: IF you are physically attractive, that tends to intimidate a lot of aspies and put them on their guard--a guard that isn't easily let down under even the most ideal circumstances. Part of being as aspie is to be an outcast from society. Sometimes it is difficult to let that guard down, even when doing so would be appropriate.

So, if you want to get to know this person, perseverance and being as unintimidating as possible is your best bet.

I don't ask questions in a conversation unless the person interests me or if I haven't seen them in a very long time if it is someone I already know.

I also have an ex girlfriend that I suspect is an undiagnosed Aspie and she does me the same thing. She initially approached me about being friends because she said she was fascinated by me. She constantly asked questions in order to get to know everything about me. Once she learned everything about me, she became disinterested in me and ended the relationship saying she only wanted to be friends. Since that time, she's never once started any form of conversation with me and when I try to chat with her on Facebook or text her, I get the short replies and quickly end the conversation because it seems like she isn't interested in chatting or doesn't know what to say.

I would love to ask questions of people more often, but the questions I'm really interested in asking are usually not socially acceptable. Not that they are dirty or offensive questions, it's just stuff that seems bizarre to most people. I have a hard time starting off with small talk, and I don't ask questions like "how has your job been lately" or "what've you been up to lately"-- I'm more interested in questions like "What do you find is your ultimate purpose in life?" or "What do you think happens after we die?" or "Have you ever considered suicide?"
Of course you can't just go around asking things like that! It takes years sometimes before real questions can be asked. I hate meaningless questions.

I have seen this before with autistics, both online and in real life. To me it seems that they lack the social insight or understanding to ask questions back or say enough to keep the conversation going. They have troubles keeping the conversation going, like a lot of us, but they are even WORSE at it, a lot worse. I had several of such conversations and contacts (online and irl) and it's just a part of their autism. Often these people seemed to lack very basic insight which would cause problems later on as they had very unrealistic expectations about a lot of things.

    Have you ever seen or read ANY Sherlock Holmes stuffs?
    The reason I don't ask many questions is because usually before I can even finish forming the question, I've already worked out the answer.
    So if I already know the answer, it seems like kind of a dumb question.

    It takes all (or more) of my will power to not give the long version answer, to a question.
    So be happy you're getting the short version! =)

----------
    P.S. My opinion is Holmes is kinda stupid, and that worries me.

People call me the question man, cause I will bombard them with questions, but shut up when it comes to me. Then again I'm one of those annoying aspies.

I think people have had those kinds of conversations with me. The thing is, it's hard to know that they ask questions in order to get to know me and not because they are really interested in my reply to whatever question they ask. If I ask anything it's because I want an answer to that question, not as a part of any getting-to-know-each-other-better dance. I tend to just treat it as a piece of information they want.

I never know what to say, and that includes asking questions. I read a topic on here not too long ago where someone was encouraging people to ask questions because NTs like that, but I wouldn't have any idea whatsoever what to ask. It also doesn't really ever occur to me in the first place.

In junior high I was with some other girls when the topic of the restaurant of one the girls' father came up and I expressed surprise that he had a restaurant. One of the other girls said that (insert name) was my friend so how I could not know that her father owned a restaurant. I replied 'because she has never told me.'
The girl then seemingly angry barked that it would have been natural for me to ask (insert name) what her father did.
It had never occurred to me. I also felt that if anyone wanted me to know what their father did for a living (or anything else about them), they should just tell me!
I so prefer for people to simply volunteer information!!

You probably couldn't easily tell from interacting with me whether or not I like you, because of how I tend to treat such interactions. Also, I can easily feel it invasive if people ask what seems to me like a lot of questions about me., so my replies might be short for that reason. I very easily sound like I'm rejecting people even when I'm not, according to my loved ones.


Most often, I don't.
I usually get to know what I know about them from them volunteering the info, or someone else telling me (or me overhearing someone else's conversation).


There is no answer to that. There will obviously be a lot of things I don't know then, but I might not care, or even be consciously aware of all I don't know about them. I can still feel like they're good acquaintances (or when younger, playmates) based on us having fun or being allies in some way. For instance I have many people on social media who I don't know IRL and whose private life I know little or nothing about but who I appreciate because we're together in fighting for turtles, signing petitions and making each other aware of things going on with animals and the environment. And that's what I appreciate about them, us being on the same side in that, so the other stuff doesn't mater for my interactions with them.


Yes, to large degree, and how they say it (and that how and how it can be interpreted will obviously differ from person to person), and what I hear and see and pick from being around them. Let's say we were walking along a road and a puppy passed us and you kicked at it. I would then form very strong opinions about you from that alone! But if you went all ooh and aah over it, that would endear you to me. That's not to say that all animals lovers will be potential friends or even people I like, but it tells me something that I find positive about you.
It also matter if I enjoy being with them. You can like being with someone without knowing them all that well.

Sometimes I take a liking for someone without knowing why at all, it's just something about them that draws me to them (I don't mean like a crush).


I hope I'm making sense here, I'm tired but I wanted to finish this post.

Last edited by Skilpadde on 14 Jun 2013, 2:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

As a NT with many aspie family members and friends I have gotten used to not waiting for questions. If I want to talk about something I just say it and if the aspie I'm talking to isn't asking questions but I want his or her opinion I'll just ask for it.

I think what one poster said about not thinking to ask questions is common- also what someone said about Sherlock Holmes and having already working out the answer to yourself so there's no need for questions. It's nice if the aspie you're talking to takes the time to learn how to be more "NT-friendly" in conversation, but NTs should also take up half the burden (in my opinion) and learn to be more "aspie-friendly" in their own part of the conversation.

^ VAGraduateStudent, it's impossible for us to "take the time to learn how to be more "NT-friendly" in conversation" without there being someone to teach us how to. We can't spontaneously come up with this knowledge. I am less than 1 month from turning 36. Do you know when I learned that questions are asked in order to be friendly? Some months ago!! It is so bleeping frustrating to be so clueless. This knowledge helped me see times when I was approached by someone (mostly classmates) but thought they were just asking for specific info and answered it and returned to what I was doing. If the topic hadn't come up with, I would have gone the rest of my life having no idea, and kept seeming to reject those who tried to be friendly. It's not fair to fault us for things no-one have taught us and we haven't learnt by ourselves. There has to be somewhere for us to learn how to be "NT-friendly" as you put it, in the first place.


neutron, you've expressed surprise that we don't think to ask questions in conversations. We've tried to explain as best we can.
As I've already pointed out, it doesn't occur to me and I wouldn't have a clue what to ask. How about you help us now?
If we have neighbors or coworkers we wish to be friendly to, what kind of questions should we ask? You cannot get specific enough. And please do not tell me to "ask about their family" or "ask about their work" because that gives me no clue what to ask. I need examples of exact questions. I do understand that some of it will be dependent on situation and person, but I really have no idea what so ever what to say or ask. I am that clueless.
I realise that to you this appears to be an incredible way of being, but that's what I'm stuck with and without help I can't do anything about it. To me it's every bit as incredible how people are able to talk on and on and on and come up with comments and questions seemingly nonstop.

Please help me learn!

I have numerous times been told that I ask a lot of questions. However, I only do this if I am genuinely curious about the other person and the questions can be sufficiently interesting due to our level of friendship. I dislike to be asked questions myself and will often answer dismissively.

It really hard for me to ask question even I want get to know that person badly

I dont ask questions because i assume i know the answers