Page 2 of 2 [ 27 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

anneurysm
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,243
Location: Ontario, Canada

29 Jan 2014, 9:58 pm

Usually when someone is making a social error, it is inappropriate in the particular context and setting. Therefore, social rules can vary a little based on who the people are with, what is being discussed and where they are. It's hard to make a list of general rules when there is so many infinite possibilities for what is 'right' and 'wrong'.

The only thing I'd recommend is to familiarize yourself with the characteristics of ASD and then try and pinpoint what he is doing awkwardly based on these general sets of characteristics. For example, he may excessively talk about a limited range of specific subjects in casual conversations where people are expected to talk about a variety of general topics.



alessi
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 21 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 172

04 Feb 2014, 4:58 pm

Georgia wrote:
I found this book very helpful:

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior
by Ian Ford

It explains "typical" behavior in a way that you don't feel guilty for not getting it on your own. (Rare, I know…)

Then it explains how you are expected to respond, without pressure to comply.

I use it a lot, as I am "surrounded" 10+ hours per day usually :cyclopsani:


That book looks pretty good, I am just looking at the kindle sample. Thanks for posting it :)



Billw1628
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 60
Location: California

04 Feb 2014, 5:29 pm

anneurysm wrote:
Usually when someone is making a social error, it is inappropriate in the particular context and setting. Therefore, social rules can vary a little based on who the people are with, what is being discussed and where they are. It's hard to make a list of general rules when there is so many infinite possibilities for what is 'right' and 'wrong'.

The only thing I'd recommend is to familiarize yourself with the characteristics of ASD and then try and pinpoint what he is doing awkwardly based on these general sets of characteristics. For example, he may excessively talk about a limited range of specific subjects in casual conversations where people are expected to talk about a variety of general topics.


Using my OT point of view, I agree. I think the setting and what your role in the setting also have a lot to do with the social rules, too. For example, back in the day when I was an occupational therapist at the school system, there are some things about me that are taboo for me to say to even a teacher that I was working with. However, if I was with a friend at a coffee shop, those same things might not be the case.

In my view, you have to be as mindful about the setting as you can. In some settings, a mistake can ruin you for a long time. If you have trouble, consult an NT friend you trust or two before you go in.



Billw1628
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 2 Feb 2014
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 60
Location: California

04 Feb 2014, 5:36 pm

anneurysm wrote:
Usually when someone is making a social error, it is inappropriate in the particular context and setting. Therefore, social rules can vary a little based on who the people are with, what is being discussed and where they are. It's hard to make a list of general rules when there is so many infinite possibilities for what is 'right' and 'wrong'.

The only thing I'd recommend is to familiarize yourself with the characteristics of ASD and then try and pinpoint what he is doing awkwardly based on these general sets of characteristics. For example, he may excessively talk about a limited range of specific subjects in casual conversations where people are expected to talk about a variety of general topics.


Using my OT point of view, I agree. I think the setting and what your role in the setting also have a lot to do with the social rules, too. For example, back in the day when I was an occupational therapist at the school system, there are some things about me that are taboo for me to say to even a teacher that I was working with. However, if I was with a friend at a coffee shop, those same things might not be the case.

In my view, you have to be as mindful about the setting as you can. In some settings, a mistake can ruin you for a long time. If you have trouble, consult an NT friend you trust or two before you go in.



em_tsuj
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,786

05 Feb 2014, 12:04 am

Georgia wrote:
I found this book very helpful:

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior
by Ian Ford

It explains "typical" behavior in a way that you don't feel guilty for not getting it on your own. (Rare, I know…)

Then it explains how you are expected to respond, without pressure to comply.

I use it a lot, as I am "surrounded" 10+ hours per day usually :cyclopsani:


Thanks, Georgia.



Myrtonos
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jan 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 97
Location: Australia

02 Mar 2014, 8:41 pm

anneurysm wrote:
The only thing I'd recommend is to familiarize yourself with the characteristics of ASD and then try and pinpoint what he is doing awkwardly based on these general sets of characteristics. For example, he may excessively talk about a limited range of specific subjects in casual conversations where people are expected to talk about a variety of general topics.


Also just remember that just because he talks about only those subjects in a casual conversation does't mean he is a special expert on them. I wonder for example whether a backseat lawyer may be more likely to talk excessively about formal legal matters than someone who actually understands the subject. Is the following more typical of a someone who mentions law when it is socially appropriate or is it more typical of someone who goes on and on about it?

Wikipedia breaks many US laws, for example even though some articles contain pornographic material, there are no age-verifcation filters. Wikipedia also breaks US whistleblowers protection law, sometimes when you point out that some other users edits or log actions are illegal you may be banned for "legal threats," such as in this case. Anyone who acts as a administrator is treated and an employee even if they are not paid.



wanderingdrive
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 20

10 Mar 2014, 10:04 pm

I'd have him keep in mind that every conversation is a learning experience. Not just learning about facial expressions, social cues, that sort of thing, but also about the other person, and that person's interests, taboos, quirks, etc. Aspies are at their worst when they think they know everything (I've been there).
There are also regional and microcultural differences too, which can only be learned through experience.



Joe90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Feb 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 16,565
Location: Maidstone, UK

12 Mar 2014, 4:51 pm

There used to be a sticky thread on the general Autism discussion here, but they took it off ages ago (probably about 2 years ago now), and I do miss that thread. It was called ''The Autism Social Rules Book'' or something like that, can't quite remember what it was exactly called but it was useful and was fun to add new things to it too because you felt you was helping.

Wish they would give it back.


_________________
Female
Aged 29
On antidepressants
Diagnosed with AS, ADHD and anxiety disorder


Erwin
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 161

01 Apr 2014, 12:58 am

Follow your instincts. Do what feels right. Don't push yourself.



vickygleitz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,118
Location: pueblo colorado

06 Apr 2014, 8:13 pm

alessi wrote:
Georgia wrote:
I found this book very helpful:

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior
by Ian Ford

It explains "typical" behavior in a way that you don't feel guilty for not getting it on your own. (Rare, I know…)

Then it explains how you are expected to respond, without pressure to comply.

I use it a lot, as I am "surrounded" 10+ hours per day usually :cyclopsani:


That book looks pretty good, I am just looking at the kindle sample. Thanks for posting it :)



vickygleitz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Age: 64
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,118
Location: pueblo colorado

06 Apr 2014, 8:28 pm

em_tsuj wrote:
Georgia wrote:
I found this book very helpful:

A Field Guide to Earthlings: An autistic/Asperger view of neurotypical behavior
by Ian Ford

It explains "typical" behavior in a way that you don't feel guilty for not getting it on your own. (Rare, I know…)

Then it explains how you are expected to respond, without pressure to comply.

I use it a lot, as I am "surrounded" 10+ hours per day usually :cyclopsani:


Thanks, Georgia.


Star Ford's book had an incredibly positive effect on my life. Star's book explained so many questions. She attended AutHaven in February and gave a presentation on another huge project that can make an impact in the lives of Autistic people everywhere. She is in the process of building a retreat center [Ocate Cliffs] that will be built by and run exclusively by Autistics. She needs volunteers this summer to help with the initial building construction. Also, she has initiated a non profit to help Autistics obtain IT jobs.

Listen people, this is what one woman is doing to make a difference. But she cannot do it herself. We all need to spend less time trying to placate NTs', and bow to their desires and more time working on ways to improve our own lives and those of other Autistics.



thanksforthefish
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 10 Apr 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 12

18 Apr 2014, 3:58 pm

Started reading this guide and think it's good because it's quite detailed. This guide is focused on how to be more outgoing but it also has a lot of stuff on how to make conversation, body language etc

Link to the outgoing guide

Here's the chapter about making conversation

Not specifically made for aspies I think but there is still good advice in it worth checking out!