Do you ever like to burn bridges?

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I'm burning bridges today. A few "friends" of mine I keep asking to hang out at my place, go do something, and they can never give me a straight answer, they just don't reply, which is SO rude. Well I'm telling them today, I'm not trying anymore and they won't hear from me again.

I'm not a fan of burning bridges, but sometimes you have to to get away from hurtful people. But before I ever burn bridges, I always tell that person my feelings to give them an opportunity to change if they want.

don't burn any you need to walk on. there are alot of people I feel I cannot associate with. on the other hand, I will help just about anyone... for money. and love your parents. as difficult as it may be. dealing with people you do not want to be around increases your social skills. nt's do it all the time.

In my experience, this isn't true. I've had people burn bridges with me over the most stupid stuff. For instance, I quit a soccer team once and the players cut me off. I tried to contact everyone to tell them why I had to quit and ZERO people replied out of 18 girls. Another time my ex cut off complete contact with me, he blocked me on Facebook and blocked my number because "I was acting like a child". Wanna know why I was "acting like a child"? He cheated on me and when I found out, I cried in front of him because I was pissed and hurt, and that was "childish of me".. So ya, I wouldn't say NT people put up with people they don't like. NT people are a-holes a lot of the time in my eyes.

Last edited by Soccer22 on 15 Jan 2014, 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I hate burning bridges, doing that now. I never enjoy the act.

In my experience, I have learned that it is better to drift away than it is to burn bridges. Take heed of that warning. If these people are not showing you respect right now, simply drift away

I've had to burn bridges with my sister and her husband ........can't really get into the details because it's a legal situation, but this past summer, their oldest daughter accused my daughter of being "inappropriate" with her, and it's caused a lot of problems/hard feelings within the family. (and in case anyone is wondering, the alleged incident did NOT happen)

This is a good warning. Take heed of this warning, Brianruns.

There is no good reason to contact them to tell them you won't contact them again. You just don't contact them again, which is what it means to drift away.

There is a good reason to just drift away rather than burning that bridge. The reason is that someday- and you have no way of knowing where or when- you may need them to have a positive, or at least neutral, opinion of you. Right now you are probably not very much on their radar one way or another, which is why they don't make it a priority to hang out with you. This is rude of them. But rude people can still have neutral or even somewhat positive feelings for you. Perhaps you are boring and they would rather do something else, but they don't have any actual ill will towards you. But you can turn this lack of ill will into ill will by making a grand pronouncement that you won't talk to them any more. Why do this? It feels good in the moment, but it can turn "he's an ok guy but I get bored hanging out with him" into "F%$#@$ that guy!". Someday this can matter if anybody ever turns to them for an opinion of you.

Better to just drift away. Don't keep making the invititations but also don't make an announcement that you aren't going to make the invitations. Just quietly stop.

Only when I’m being followed by hostiles.

Also consider where these friends are. At school/work, in social groups, all of that stuff needs to be considered. Doing it to work people is very detrimental and it will effect your work history there and could very well effect any letters of recommendations in your future endeavors.

I don't burn them so much as blow them up.

I'm a huge bridge burner, in all areas of my life. I wouldn't say I'm proud of it.

Only if someone pisses me off royally. But sometimes they do it to me for no good reason.

I thought it was just a semantics issue whether 'burning bridges' means that you actually tell a person that you will no longer stay in touch with them, or don't tell them and just cut all communication.

I say this because I've thought of myself as something of a 'bridge burner'. I'll typically never look back once a relationship (romantic/platonic/acquaintance) comes to its end. Even good relationships that did not end on a sour note. Typically, I will drift apart from another person, and communication between us will cease. The frequency with which this has happened (and continues to happen) in my life, has influenced the way I look at relationships in my personal life. (I now live by the adage that every first encounter/introduction is the beginning of 'goodbye')

My grandfather (and most likely my great grandfather as well) shares this attitude. He can turn his back on a person he's loved for years, and just pack up and leave and never look back. Perhaps rather oddly, I do not hate him for this. In fact, I understand him. I'm kind of like his blueprint in that (and many other) respects.

It has something to do with the ability to let go, as well as a desire for ultimate freedom. My grandfather and I are the types that, while we'll walk alongside other people for a little while and enjoy it, we'll always disengage eventually.

Yes, I do. I consider it carefully first, though!

It depends on what you mean by "burn bridges", of course. I won't be rude about it and I certainly won't go out of my way to be nasty to someone. I will simply make it clear where we all stand, calmly and politely.

Because it denies people the opportunity to falsely believe that "it's nobody's fault, it just happened".

Now, I'm certainly not saying you should always burn bridges. There is probably no good rule of thumb here, it's just too complex. In business, for instance, I would err on the side of not saying anything, because it would be the more "professional" thing to do and also you're more likely to run into the situation Janissy is talking about where their opinion matters. Also, if I it's someone I don't really care about to begin with then I also won't care enough to tell them I won't talk to them. This actually covers most professional and casual acquaintance situations. But in some cases, especially with "friends" who take you for granted, I think it makes sense to make it clear to them what happened (from your point of view).

I really hate it when people say "oh, I don't know what happened, we just kinda lost touch". It allows them to avoid personal responsibility. I can't stop them from doing that - but I will not play along! I want them to know that I think they're responsible. OK, they may not agree with that and that's fine, but I'd like them to at least consider it. At this point I think several things can happen:

1) They admit that they've done something wrong. This is good, because then there is still some chance of salvaging the "bridge". It's not very likely, but it's actually happened to me. Had I decided to "just drift apart" we would have drifted apart.
2) They privately think you may have a point, but don't admit it to you. They're lost to you, but perhaps they will do better by someone else. You've just done the world a service.
3) They calmly consider what you say, but disagree. There is still a slim hope of saving the relationship in this scenario, but in any case they probably won't think badly of you (if you've said nothing rude).
4) They do not think at all and their emotional knee-jerk reaction is to dislike you. I think this is Janissy's scenario and unfortunately I agree that it's the most likely one, but then, are these really people whose opinions you care about?

Yes, I accept that there is always some slight chance that their opinions of you may matter at some point, but you know what? It's a risk I'm willing to take! I'm a proud and self-reliant person and I don't need any favours from people who don't respect me.

Yeah, I have a tendancy to burn bridges. I get to a point with people where I just can't cope anymore and explode. That happened with my old roommate. I just snapped one day and told her exactly what I though of her and how she made me feel like she was always looking down her nose at me. Long story short, I don't think she'll ever speak to me again.