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PowerGirl
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

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Joined: 7 Oct 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 149
Location: My mind

18 Jan 2014, 2:35 am

Until around 2 1/2 years ago (round about, during that time), I thought my social skills were good. I never thought they were perfect (I'd mess up from time to time, but I'd typically catch it right after I mess up), but I didn't think they were that bad. I could communicate pretty well with most anyone and most people understood me pretty well.
And then I met this guy who I started dating 2 1/2 years ago before he broke up with me last year. Basically, he made me question my social skills. No one has ever had a problem with my social skills until him. I mean, no one ever complained that my body language didn't match my words and I could understand most people most of the time so I thought my social skills and nonverbal communication were pretty good. But according to him, I suck. Badly. He had a lot of trouble figuring me out and I've actually been having a lot of trouble understanding him too.
What's really ironic about this is the fact that this wasn't always the case. In the beginning, we actually understood each other really well. He even said once that I nailed it to a T. We got along really well. There was the occasional time he didn't understand me and it was really frustrating for both of us, but we worked it out. The issue came when he developed amnesia two years ago while away and I couldn't seem him for like six months because he was in the Air Force (he was in basic training) and then when I finally saw him again a year ago, it was great at first, but things really changed. After he came back, it was like we could no longer understand each other, which led to him breaking up with me a few months later.
I really don't know what to do. I'm feeling really disillusioned and I've been questioning a lot of things. Does anyone have any advice for me? He wasn't very specific about what I was doing wrong and I don't really have anything to go by in regards of what I can improve on. I tried reading about body language and nonverbal communication online, but things keep contradicting. What are some places that I know are "right" and that I can trust their answers are actually reality and not some random stuff people make up? I really do want to improve, but I don't know who or what to turn to for help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.



kazma
Snowy Owl
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Joined: 1 Jul 2012
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 174

18 Jan 2014, 3:18 am

i did a lot of looking in to this stuff before i was even diagnosed with aspergers 2 books i used were What Every Body is Saying and Body Language For Dummies i also read some books by paul ekman on microexpressions but we will almost always miss them so don't worry about them just get the basics down ok also remember even when you understand and can read them once you engage in conversation it becomes even harder to do hope that helps



accountinglad
Deinonychus
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Joined: 4 Dec 2013
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 366

23 Jan 2014, 4:56 pm

I always thought my social skills were normal although I realised I was different to everyone else but I couldn't figure out why. My mum hadn't told me I had Aspergers / autism till I was 16 once I had realised and saw the various traits . I watch YouTube videos and read websites in order to improve my social skills but when it comes to the actual situation I can't get the words out or the appropriate words for the situation.



Billw1628
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
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Joined: 2 Feb 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
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Location: California

03 Feb 2014, 9:34 pm

I would say an NT autism life coach can probably help you. (You might have to shop around.) I know that sometimes when I interact with NT folks, I occasionally need my peers' help to make sure I say the appropriate things or learn that what I said was actually inappropriate. A good one might be expensive for a few sessions. But, I think if you can get a better quality of life long term, then I will gladly exchange that if I were you.