I'm in my second semester of college now and I've kind of slowly been realizing that I don't really know how to even approach the topic of friendship at this stage. All of the friends I have made before I've been able to meet in classes where interaction was pretty normal. It was easier to get to know someone when you spend a good portion of the day in many of the same classes. In college that doesn't seem to be quite how it works. I don't live on campus, so I don't get to spend quite that much time around other students, so it's hard to form friendships out of proximity. I get to spend maybe a few hours a week with some people, and there is hardly any overlap in my fellow students between classes, since it's not that small a school. I've so far been able to form a sort of acquaintance thanks to sharing a class with her each semester, but beyond sitting next to a familiar face in a large lecture class it isn't really much in the way of a friendship.
To cut to the chase, I'm interested in tips that might help me know how to approach someone and initiate a friendship that doesn't have a chance to really develop in a class over time. I'm not sure how to approach somehow and appropriately ask if they would interested in talking outside of class (since there's not much a chance to do so in my classes). I'm particularly worried about this because the only person I have in mind as a potential friend (as everyone else I've noticed has made me fairly confident that I would not wish to pursue a friendship with them) happens to be a rather shy seeming girl, and I really don't want to approach her and seem creepy or immediately interested in asking her out on a romantic sort of date. I just want to know what sort of thing it might be appropriate to say to another adult that I'm interested in getting to know a little better. I kind of vaguely have an idea of asking her (or others in the future, should I notice anyone else) to get coffee sometime (there's a coffee place on campus, so that seems to me to be a fairly neutral sort of suggestion), but I'm worried about the wording and how to actually bring that up given we don't really converse in class.
Beyond that I also wouldn't mind some tips about just getting to know someone. I hate to use the following comparison, but I feel like what I have in mind is a sort of friendship job interview. I'm used to slowly getting to know someone over the course of months or years...getting to know someone over a cup of coffee or something seems like it would take a different kind of approach. Should I just be prepared to ask questions about the other person? Should I just allow conversation to kind of develop? (which could be a problem, as the person I have in mind right now is possibly even less talkative than I am).
I'm just sort of at a loss when it comes to approaching friendships now that I can't rely on high school class schedules to keep me around people for extended periods of time.
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And all the ones who seem to fit the best into the chorus never notice there?s a song, and the ones who seem to hear it end up tortured by the chords when they fail to find a way to sing along.
And when you sing the wrong thing it all starts collapsing.
13 Mar 2014, 7:36 pm
