Does anyone else ever cut people off/out to relieve anxiety?

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cato4797
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20 Aug 2018, 6:34 pm

Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?



that1weirdgrrrl
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20 Aug 2018, 6:36 pm

i used to as a teenager, not so much anymore... I'll pretty much stay friends with anyone who wants to.


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20 Aug 2018, 10:54 pm

I didn't know that I could cut off people until recently. After identifying toxic people in my life, I have. I think it has a little to do with my black and white thinking. One of the people was my mom. I knew she wasn't perfect, but at the same time I idealized her. I just realized that she's a bully and has been bullying me most if my life. I immediately cut her off in paranoia, and another friend who I realized was also taking advantage of me. I now realize that my mom is an adult child of Alcoholic parents (and she has a lot of narcissistic defense mechanisms). So I guess that's why she acts the way she does. I'd like to get back in touch with her, but at the same time I have to protect myself, which even seems strange to say. The anxiety was at the paranoia level for about 3 weeks, then slowly subsided.

So that was in March, and approximately 5 months later, my anxiety about her in general is just going down when I think about her. I'm thinking about writing her a letter. But for the friend, Since I believe her to be a toxic person, I have no intention of re-engaging.

I did unfollow quite a few people on Facebook. They could be so rude, maybe unintentionally, but I would get so worked up over some of their posts (bigoted) that I just couldn't see any more. Most of them were extended family, but I didn't want them to see I unfriended them, so I didn't do that. Finally, I deleted facebook and joined pinterest and Twitter and do everything in private. I just text the people I know now and only use social media for information.



Chronos
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21 Aug 2018, 12:25 am

cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


No. I find that in instances of social embarrassment, it is usually just best to "play it cool" (act normal) keep communication channels open, and let the situation fix itself.



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21 Aug 2018, 2:14 am

Cutting people off from your life is much harder and costlier than keeping your distance in the first place.


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21 Aug 2018, 2:17 am

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
i used to as a teenager, not so much anymore... I'll pretty much stay friends with anyone who wants to.



Yeah I did it in the past.

I only cut people off now if they take me for granted and start showing a lot of disrespect.

Of course you can’t do that if it’s at work.


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cato4797
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21 Aug 2018, 4:45 pm

Chronos wrote:
cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


No. I find that in instances of social embarrassment, it is usually just best to "play it cool" (act normal) keep communication channels open, and let the situation fix itself.


I know inherently that this is the smartest thing to do and its always what i plan, but in a moment of anxiety and ADHD-impulsiveness I always go against this and do something stupid. It's like I can't keep it cool at all, even though its the smart thing to do and what I always plan.

Like I feel that sometimes I can't even control myself and will always spiral outwards like this. With this most recent situation, I was completely fine at first and it just spiraled.



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21 Aug 2018, 4:50 pm

I did this when I was younger. Now I just seem to avoid social situations and friendships altogether.


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Chronos
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21 Aug 2018, 5:17 pm

cato4797 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


No. I find that in instances of social embarrassment, it is usually just best to "play it cool" (act normal) keep communication channels open, and let the situation fix itself.


I know inherently that this is the smartest thing to do and its always what i plan, but in a moment of anxiety and ADHD-impulsiveness I always go against this and do something stupid. It's like I can't keep it cool at all, even though its the smart thing to do and what I always plan.

Like I feel that sometimes I can't even control myself and will always spiral outwards like this. With this most recent situation, I was completely fine at first and it just spiraled.


Everyone makes a social blunder at some point in their life and most people are too fixated on theirs to worry much about yours.



cato4797
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21 Aug 2018, 6:24 pm

Chronos wrote:
cato4797 wrote:
Chronos wrote:
cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


No. I find that in instances of social embarrassment, it is usually just best to "play it cool" (act normal) keep communication channels open, and let the situation fix itself.


I know inherently that this is the smartest thing to do and its always what i plan, but in a moment of anxiety and ADHD-impulsiveness I always go against this and do something stupid. It's like I can't keep it cool at all, even though its the smart thing to do and what I always plan.

Like I feel that sometimes I can't even control myself and will always spiral outwards like this. With this most recent situation, I was completely fine at first and it just spiraled.


Everyone makes a social blunder at some point in their life and most people are too fixated on theirs to worry much about yours.


TBH there are all friends with her and I'm so embarrassed that I'd rather just withdraw from all 10-20 close friends I have than deal with it. I just assume that they're all going to end soon now anyways. Nothing else to do.



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21 Aug 2018, 6:45 pm

i used to block people on snapchat when i started using it, when it seemed
like their life was too much better then mine, so i wouldn't have to see it. no regrets there.


more recently i blocked my limerent object on everything, in an attempt to end seven years of torment, limersnce and crystallization. i blocked her boyfriend and her close friend too. f*****s.


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alpacka
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22 Aug 2018, 8:26 am

cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


Yes, but I also have ADD that makes me do things too quickly and often does it when I think in a black and white kind of a way. I think the whole get rid of people-thing is something we must do sometimes to get the world manageable again.


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Babi dwr
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22 Aug 2018, 8:42 am

Yes I do, its just my natural way and I have done it in all areas of my life. So work, family, friends, general acquaintances, online.

I dont really feel much afterwards, mainly relief and I guess excitement at starting a fresh. But it is tiresome in a way because I see how others maintain their life with none of this hassle.

My methods now just involve having the bare minimum with everything so theres less to cope with, less to overwhelm me and I dont get to these points anymore.



stevens2010
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22 Aug 2018, 10:57 pm

cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it.

Also do this when I'm embarassed — I just had a problem where I totally creeped out a girl (i think) in my friend group, so i'm considering withdrawing from my friendships, including my roommates, to avoid emotional and social pain. Also do it when I'm afraid of rejection, or trying to avoid future pain.

Does anyone else do this?


Well, now I do more and more. It's taken around six decades to get to that point. Before, I would just stay in denial until the other person(s) just had to get rid of me first. I think my biggest problem is that I gave too much thought and concern to what other people thought of me, and not enough about what I should be thinking about myself. When one is short of friends, it brings out the people pleasing urge in us, and this just makes it all that much worse for an Aspie.

It sounds as if you see things coming a lot quicker than I did. I hope you're not over-reacting in those situations, but sadly in my own life I've seen that when we suspect things are about to go bad, they do. The worst is when one sticks with a bad situation, and it ends with being gaslighted.



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23 Aug 2018, 9:48 am

There was a guy who I used to like who was interested in me in the beginning but I was so anxious that I would get scared to talk to him on the phone.



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23 Aug 2018, 9:56 am

cato4797 wrote:
Sometimes, when I'm feeling anxious about a person or a situation, I cut them out. Like I block their number, delete our text conversations, block/unfollow them on insta/snapchat (least common). Usually not all at once, but I do it...
Good for you!


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