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infilove
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19 May 2014, 11:02 am

When someone says, or does something mean or insult you, what are some ways in how you deal with it? What were some of the worst things you've gone to deal with it and what were some of the best?


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BetwixtBetween
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19 May 2014, 11:17 am

Well, I'm an adult so I have a few options kids don't.

In my experience, adult bullies are more likely to stop if you draw attention to the fact that what they said was mean.

A moment of silence, a look of shock and dismay, and a "wow. that was really uncalled for," can shut it down pretty quick. That doesn't work as well without an audience, but it works great when there is one.

If anybody were to steal my stuff now, or purposely trip me or shove me, I'd get the police involved.

I also have access to technology that I didn't have when I was in school. I can record it on my phone. I can make them famous with youtube.

I have more NT friends, and the ones I've had for a long time know exactly how bad I am at defending myself against verbal abuse. They've got my back.



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19 May 2014, 11:19 am

I just ignore it. Only showing you're butthurt will make them do it more or make them think you're too sensitive. If they think you're so tough, they may quit doing it because you don't react to it. If it's harassment, I would report it if it's going on at work or on a forum. If it has a ignore feature, I use it instead.

The worst way I have dealt with insults was fighting back. The best I would say is telling the person I am putting them on ignore if they make another rude post to me one more time and he seemed to have backed off I thought. Then he did again but on a different forum this time and I reported his comment and put him on ignore and did the same on the other forum too.


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BetwixtBetween
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19 May 2014, 11:37 am

Quote:
If it's harassment,


I just automatically assumed that's what this post was about, and that it was happening in real life, not in a forum. So everything I said applies to that sort of situation.



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19 May 2014, 1:30 pm

I'm pretty good at turning their insult back on them, or making a better joke at my own expense that completely steals their thunder.
For example, if it's about how I look, saying "That's not what your sister said last night!" shows that I'm not taking them seriously or taking what they said personally, and leaves them no choice but to do the same. I must stress that the way you say it is very important, and in the UK we have a culture of "banter" (light-hearted insults) that makes this sort of thing much easier.
tl:dr Don't take it personally, and don't get personal if you decide to try and join in.



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19 May 2014, 1:37 pm

I have always been an outspoken and headstrong person to begin with.


Now:
1. Record the bullying on my cell phone
2. Develop a buddy system that can be a witness if the bullying continues
3. Don't waste my time trying to communicate with that person who is being mean
4. Assert myself

Then:
1. I used to throw my drinks in the faces of others
2. I told people to shut up
3. Acted like a bully myself by calling someone and pranking them
4. Assaulted the other person physically if they kept taunting me after I told them to shut up

One time I ran into some really mean girls who were just insulting everyone about three summers ago. They cut me down for my hair. I got up and called them weird. They hit me back witu "You're ugly." They started laughing. I said 'Well God Bless You. I think you are pretty...nya wait you're ugly. Put some clothes on you hoes." Then I walked off.



LtlPinkCoupe
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19 May 2014, 3:05 pm

I do something to distract myself until my hurt feelings go away. It's all I can do, basically.


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23 May 2014, 3:16 am

I usually try to ignore it but if they're belligerent, I either call them out on it, try to embarrass them or I turn it around on them. For example, in high school a girl I didn't even know asked me if I wanted to see something scary. I shrugged and she showed me a mirror. I told her "I'd be pretty scared too if I was you and looked in a mirror." Other times I was being pestered by this guy who was following me, making fun of me. I finally walked into a crowded area and turned to him and yelled "Look, for the last time, I don't know HOW to cure hemorrhoids! Leave me alone!"



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23 May 2014, 3:52 am

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/hid ... -put-downs


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23 May 2014, 12:43 pm

I have a realy hard time understanding someone is being mean. Mr Six says I'm the last ISO. I only get hurt if I like the person, if I'm not attached in someway I seldom register. That's a great flaw, considering how bad people are.
One of the great things: lately I got to understand how many people trust me at work, even those who are competition.
One of the worst things: having my father saying I should get food from charity one time I asked for help.



musician_enigma
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23 May 2014, 10:13 pm

I laugh... because I don't take it personally, and can't tell me anything I didn't know about myself. Heh, I can play that game too though, by diffusing any hostility or firing back (without stooping low). Pick on me, then I'll pick on you (if I'm not busy laughing). Never do these kinda situations become serious, blame the "strategic goof" in me.
Besides, I'd much rather people say exactly what's on their mind. No guessing or trying to read folks, woohoo! Remove the filter so I can lessen mine, heh heh.



infilove
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30 May 2014, 5:00 pm

BetwixtBetween wrote:
Well, I'm an adult so I have a few options kids don't.

In my experience, adult bullies are more likely to stop if you draw attention to the fact that what they said was mean.

A moment of silence, a look of shock and dismay, and a "wow. that was really uncalled for," can shut it down pretty quick. That doesn't work as well without an audience, but it works great when there is one.

If anybody were to steal my stuff now, or purposely trip me or shove me, I'd get the police involved.

I also have access to technology that I didn't have when I was in school. I can record it on my phone. I can make them famous with youtube.

I have more NT friends, and the ones I've had for a long time know exactly how bad I am at defending myself against verbal abuse. They've got my back.


Yeah showing acts of beong shocked or dismayed with an audience always works when people bully or do stupid stuff when they are mean because it kind of puts the person in the spot often making what they fid look stupid.


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infilove
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30 May 2014, 5:02 pm

musician_enigma wrote:
I laugh... because I don't take it personally, and can't tell me anything I didn't know about myself. Heh, I can play that game too though, by diffusing any hostility or firing back (without stooping low). Pick on me, then I'll pick on you (if I'm not busy laughing). Never do these kinda situations become serious, blame the "strategic goof" in me.
Besides, I'd much rather people say exactly what's on their mind. No guessing or trying to read folks, woohoo! Remove the filter so I can lessen mine, heh heh.

standing strong and high. I like that.


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Anna_K
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11 Jun 2014, 11:43 am

I usually just ignore it, but I later think about what I should have said, so basically I always feel regret later. I have definitely made a lot of mistakes in the past dealing with this sort of thing. Usually if I try to deal with it in any other way besides ignoring it or walking away, I am always the one who ends up in trouble instead of the person or group that was picking on me.



SoMissunderstood
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13 Jun 2014, 8:58 am

infilove wrote:
When someone says, or does something mean or insult you, what are some ways in how you deal with it? What were some of the worst things you've gone to deal with it and what were some of the best?

First, I do an internal 'take' to see how much merit there is in the insult and if I may have deserved it for something I may have said or done.

Next, I see if the setting and tone of the insult is proportional to any mistake I may have committed.

I am all too ready to admit my faults and better myself as a person and my own understanding of others if I am at fault, but I prefer the conversation to be carried out in a mature manner.

Yes, I understand the person may be upset and angry (and I am truly sorry for that), but making me upset and angry too isn't going to accomplish anything - come back and talk to me when you've cooled off a bit.

If the insult is unwarranted, unjustified and generally untrue and you know yourself and the situation much better than your insulter, why worry about it? You can seek to educate them on the 'facts', but if either of you are stubborn and pig-headed, that won't work either, so it's best just to ignore them and walk away. If you can't walk away, make up an excuse to get outta there ASAP 'oh look, is that the time? got an appointment...gotta run, cya'.



SoMissunderstood
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13 Jun 2014, 9:46 am

As an addendum...

I know this requires just a tiny bit of extra effort, but it makes all the difference!.

I recently got my brother into this habit, and our relationship is slowly improving on a daily basis.

Before:

*I do/say something inappropriate or wrong (as I sometimes do).
*brother calls me an 'idiot' and says; 'don't talk to me, I am so pissed at you right now'.

Now:

*I do/say something inappropriate or wrong.

Brother goes:

"Do you understand what you just said/did? Just think about the consequences".
*explains the repercussions of the situation.

"Do you understand how that makes me feel right now? I am mad at you. Do you think it's rational and justifiable for me to feel this way considering? So, what are you going to do about it?"

Yeah, so I get to explain if there was any logical reason why I said or did what I did in a nice way so he can understand it, OR I can admit I made an error of judgement or just a huge, bloody boo-boo and try to fix it (if I can) and humbly apologise, make a mental 'note to self' that I'm never gonna do that again because it pisses him off...then I just move on.