Question about adult friendship

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Hi,

I have found that in adult life, we get pretty settled in the circles that we have. Work, family, church, kids' activities all keep me pretty much seeing the same faces over and over again. Most of these people I like, but don't want to have a deeper relationship with.

But, when you by chance happen to meet someone new, how do you know if you have "chemistry" with that person. If I feel like, "here's someone I would like to get to know", how do I know if the other person feels the same way? It is more difficult to let time decide because interaction with this person is not so regular like the above activities. Otherwise, they wouldn't be "new".

I don't know. I'm not very good at making friends. My friends tend to be people who have made an effort to be around me and invite me places and then I realise that they want to be friends. It takes time for me.

I met this woman I got on well with at a party a couple of months ago and I though, I bet we would be friends if I knew her better, but I'm not sure how to go about it.

That's why I'm single too. I just find it difficult to make that move from meeting a person I like to actually spending time with that other person. i think that they just assume that I don't like them.

Don't Let a Lack of Natural Meeting Opportunities Hold You Back

It's much easier now than it used to me, to keep in touch with people you don't get to see very often. If you meet someone you get on well with and want to see more of, the first thing should be to add them as a friend on Facebook. Facebook allows you get to know them better as you can see their statuses, their interests etc.

I don't know but I would suspect that part of the reason you got on well with a particular person you met is because you found some commonality when you were talking, a common interest or passion or shared experience. I understand how hard it can be to suggest meeting up again, but if you want to see more of that person, then I would suggest thinking about the conversation you had with them and then suggest doing something together around any common interests. That could be, for instance, seeing a film, or visiting a certain site. If you cannot think of anything you wish to 'do' with that person, just say open that you'd like to continue our conversation sometime over a coffee. It's much easier to suggest a meetup when its based around a certain hobby or topic that interests you, it takes the pressure off the interaction.

If you can't think of a specific interest you found when you met, I would suggest, firstly adding them on Facebook (if not on FB just email) and then messaging them just to say how much you liked getting to know them and that you would like to meet again. It's not worth worrying what the other person thinks, just contact them and ask them to meet

For meeting new people meaning you only run into them once and must make a decision in the moment to try and continue or any opportunity will be lost forever. Well everyone does it by reading social cues NT?s just do it a lot easier even subconsciously. So it comes through a good analysis of the situation and then a test to see if your analysis is correct. First analyse if the person is attempting to leave does their gaze constantly flit to the door or around as they look for an exit? If not they probably like you.

Are they constantly trying to end the conversation by trying to walk away from you? If they are they probably don?t like you.

Are they constantly looking at their watch or a clock, and giving one word or very short responses? If they are they probably don?t like you.

If you can then figure out how the conversation benefits them. Are they acquiring information or aid or is your company what they are benefitting from? If it is your company then they probably like you.

Is the other person smiling, laughing and engaging in a reciprocal conversation? Do they ask you things about yourself to learn more? If yes they probably like you.

So then you test. Ask if they?d like to spend time later it can be difficult to get this one though as you need a plan for spending time. You can also ask for a phone number or I suppose in todays age facebook might be more appropriate as gigstalksguy suggests you'd ask and use some excuse like 'so we could talk or hang later' if they say yes then they like you. If you can?t analyse in the moment you can always just skip to the testing for everyone you?d like to get to know. It makes things quite simple that way and if successful will buy you more interaction time to perform a proper analysis.

It's an instinctual thing, I believe.

If you share the same interests, and (more importantly) share these interests with a similar intensity, the relationship will go far.

Additionally, if you share the same basic philosophy of life, the relationship will go far as well.