Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

Friendship issues, friends don't want to communicate with me

Page 2 of 2 [ 21 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Previous topic | Next topic

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

29 Jul 2014, 8:02 pm

MacGyverAspie wrote:
Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi I can relate to your situation and I know it's painful. There are that people are not interested and I will list them

1. When someone does not return your phone calls, e-mail, texts etc.

2. If you invite that other person(s) to do something and they constantly have something to do

3. If they see you in person and talk to your other friends over you while you get ignored

4. You call the other person and they're supposedly busy so they tell you that it's your responsibility to call back within the next 10-15 minutes.

5. They send cards to other friends or family members and you don't get anything. Instead you get an excuse "Yeah I did not really send cards out to my other friends. Just one of them."

6. Other friends are more important than you are and especially during holidays or rough times

I tend to get a lot of people who don't respond to me and return my messages.

Yes others claim they are busy but I can almost tell that they are not and are just using that as an excuse to avoid me.

Why can't I find someone who is interested and will return my messages, hang out with me and not throw me away..


The reason that they don't stick around is because they were not your friends to begin with. They just appeared to do such.

Just because they say one thing and do another does not that they are interested. I learned that one the hard way.



MacGyverAspie
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 281
Location: Connecticut, USA

29 Jul 2014, 11:32 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:

The reason that they don't stick around is because they were not your friends to begin with. They just appeared to do such.

Just because they say one thing and do another does not that they are interested. I learned that one the hard way.

Sometimes the meaning of friendship is subjective, it can mean many different things. It's just hard to find friends as it is, my therapist suggested I try meetup.com but there isn't much in my area, most require me to travel a bit far from home if I wanted to do something.

I'm happy that you can relate, I just want friends that actually understand the meaning of friendship, who won't blow me off and accept me for who I am. I don't want to suffer from rejection anymore.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

30 Jul 2014, 7:57 am

Unfortunately, rejection is inevitable. With everybody, including the most NT of NT's.

Friendships, in a guy sense, I have found, usually revolve "being there" for a person in a physical way, being available to do things such as help them move, lend them a few bucks, talk about girls, talk about 'special interests," etc. Guys don't like to talk about "friendship" in the abstract; they don't like to talk about "relationships" per se. They just like to hang out, be buddies with people, play fight a little, play sports, play video games or board games together, etc.

The worst thing a person (especially a guy) can do is to plead for a person's friendship. It just doesn't work. Maybe talk about how the plumbing sucks in your house or something, about how it's a pain in the butt to call the maintenance guy to fix it, things like that.



Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,157

30 Jul 2014, 11:57 am

Being who I am, I can understand when someone is not interested when they give off little hints like excuses, ignore me, or show interests in other people over me.

What I struggle with is when that person does all the above but when it comes to my birthday or any other social gatherings, they come over but they really are not happy to be there. Then it's after I get rejected that others tell me that they were able to pick up a pattern of behaviors. Then I look at the bigger picture and think back to how the other(s) made me feel.

So the best thing to do would be play past images in your mind of how they treated you in the past.
1. Were they excited to see you?
2. Were you just as important to them as others were?
3. Did they respect you as a person?
4. How often did you feel upset after spending time with them?
5. Did they talk down to you or act superior?



MacGyverAspie
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 281
Location: Connecticut, USA

30 Jul 2014, 11:18 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Being who I am, I can understand when someone is not interested when they give off little hints like excuses, ignore me, or show interests in other people over me.

What I struggle with is when that person does all the above but when it comes to my birthday or any other social gatherings, they come over but they really are not happy to be there. Then it's after I get rejected that others tell me that they were able to pick up a pattern of behaviors. Then I look at the bigger picture and think back to how the other(s) made me feel.

So the best thing to do would be play past images in your mind of how they treated you in the past.
1. Were they excited to see you?
2. Were you just as important to them as others were?
3. Did they respect you as a person?
4. How often did you feel upset after spending time with them?
5. Did they talk down to you or act superior?

Sometimes it's hard for me to determine if they really are my friend. Those things you said are something to go on but I would hate for someone to like not be excited to see me, respect me or whatever. All I ever get is excuses like they are busy or they prefer their other friends rather than me. "If you are my friend, please treat me equally." (thats the third person talking there)