Friendship issues, friends don't want to communicate with me

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MacGyverAspie
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28 Jul 2014, 10:51 pm

It seems lately that people who claim to be my "friend" don't want to respond to my messages or even want to do things with me. I have tried many times to initiate conversation and include a part to ask them to go somewhere or even to lunch. Recently I asked if an old friend wanted to do lunch, it seemed like she dodged my question because she didn't indicate a yes, no or maybe in her answer. The conversation didn't even last 2 minutes.

I hate to dump these people but it seems i'm losing faith in people, there are people out there who will understand but it seems like a challenge to find such people. It's been hard to maintain steady friendships with people sometimes when they don't communicate with you. I make every good faith effort to communicate with people but I can't seem to get them to communicate with me back.

Is there anything else I should know? I just don't want to lose hope in these people, maybe i'm just better off finding new friends but finding new friends isn't easy. I hadn't posted here in a while so I did post in the friendship board, maybe people can PM me there and I can start a friendship with someone new that way. It might not be a person near where I live but it's something that makes me feel comfortable.



kraftiekortie
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28 Jul 2014, 11:19 pm

At least you like to fix things.

I bet you'd make many friends by your creative methodology in repairing things.

I would say:

before you ask them out for lunch, maybe talk to your friends a little bit--about "stuff"--life, what you got at Costco, something like that. People feel comfortable with commonplace talk.



wowiexist
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28 Jul 2014, 11:23 pm

I always have trouble finding a balance between not talking to people at all becoming so obsessed with talking to someone that I become annoying. Make sure that you aren't communicating too much that you start to seem obsessive. Maybe give them a break from you for a few days and then try to contact them again.



MacGyverAspie
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28 Jul 2014, 11:47 pm

Texting people is a whole other problem too. I seem to feel anxious when someone doesn't get back to me even though i'm just saying "hi, how are you?". I can't tell if they are busy, ignoring me or something else.

I never want to feel i'm overdoing it, I don't know if I should even try to get back to this person who I tried asking to lunch. What would she say back to me is what i'm thinking. I know it doesn't hurt to try but still...



CJ404
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29 Jul 2014, 8:46 am

That sounds really rubbish. Try not to look too much into it or get too disheartened by it though. There could be other factors influencing things- your friend could be going through a hard time themselves, or are just really busy or something like that.
I know where you are coming from though. I just had a friend who I have known for years (but only have met in person a few times) ask why I talk to him and that it is a bit weird cause I don't really know him. But like you said- it is hard making new friends. This is why I have come on this website really, to meet new people.



MacGyverAspie
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29 Jul 2014, 9:14 am

CJ404 wrote:
That sounds really rubbish. Try not to look too much into it or get too disheartened by it though. There could be other factors influencing things- your friend could be going through a hard time themselves, or are just really busy or something like that.
I know where you are coming from though. I just had a friend who I have known for years (but only have met in person a few times) ask why I talk to him and that it is a bit weird cause I don't really know him. But like you said- it is hard making new friends. This is why I have come on this website really, to meet new people.

One time when a friend wasn't getting back to me, it affected me for like 3 weeks because I was used to seeing this friend on a weekly basis. Then she got a job and it all changed just like that. I couldn't see her as much as I did so I've been missing her since.

I just can't understand people sometimes, I feel that women understand me better because they seem more caring and tend to listen to me to understand what is on my mind.

I'm glad you came here to meet new people too, I would like to be your friend. :)



kraftiekortie
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29 Jul 2014, 9:27 am

You'll meet lots of friends here on WrongPlanet.

As for me: I am the Wolfman, and wish I was as proficient as fixing things as MacGyver.



Summer_Twilight
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29 Jul 2014, 9:29 am

Hi I can relate to your situation and I know it's painful. There are hints that people are not interested and I will list them

1. When someone does not return your phone calls, e-mail, texts etc.

2. If you invite that other person(s) to do something and they constantly have something to do

3. If they see you in person and talk to your other friends over you while you get ignored

4. You call the other person and they're supposedly busy so they tell you that it's your responsibility to call back within the next 10-15 minutes.

5. They send cards to other friends or family members and you don't get anything. Instead you get an excuse "Yeah I did not really send cards out to my other friends. Just one of them."

6. Other friends are more important than you are and especially during holidays or rough times



Last edited by Summer_Twilight on 29 Jul 2014, 7:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MacGyverAspie
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29 Jul 2014, 9:47 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Hi I can relate to your situation and I know it's painful. There are that people are not interested and I will list them

1. When someone does not return your phone calls, e-mail, texts etc.

2. If you invite that other person(s) to do something and they constantly have something to do

3. If they see you in person and talk to your other friends over you while you get ignored

4. You call the other person and they're supposedly busy so they tell you that it's your responsibility to call back within the next 10-15 minutes.

5. They send cards to other friends or family members and you don't get anything. Instead you get an excuse "Yeah I did not really send cards out to my other friends. Just one of them."

6. Other friends are more important than you are and especially during holidays or rough times

I tend to get a lot of people who don't respond to me and return my messages.

Yes others claim they are busy but I can almost tell that they are not and are just using that as an excuse to avoid me.

Why can't I find someone who is interested and will return my messages, hang out with me and not throw me away..



Protector88
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29 Jul 2014, 9:54 am

I feel for you man! I have the same thing. It's horrible! I feel like they rip my heart out and stomp on it after something like this. I am just to sensitive I think.

Hope you can find some friends here. I have made some contacts, hope it turns into some sort of friendship but it happens or it doesn't.

What kind of things do you like to do? If you post your hobby's and such maybe people can contact you if they like the same things.



MacGyverAspie
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29 Jul 2014, 10:00 am

I put all that info into the friendship board.

You can look at my post there: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postp6180017 ... t=#6180017



CJ404
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29 Jul 2014, 10:52 am

MacGyverAspie wrote:
One time when a friend wasn't getting back to me, it affected me for like 3 weeks because I was used to seeing this friend on a weekly basis. Then she got a job and it all changed just like that. I couldn't see her as much as I did so I've been missing her since.

I just can't understand people sometimes, I feel that women understand me better because they seem more caring and tend to listen to me to understand what is on my mind.

I'm glad you came here to meet new people too, I would like to be your friend. :)


Oh that sucks, change is hard- especially when it is negative change.
People can be pretty confusing tbh. That is funny, I tend to get along better with men- as they tend to be more straightforward in what they say.
-hi5- then we should become so I vote



MacGyverAspie
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29 Jul 2014, 11:16 am

CJ404 wrote:
Oh that sucks, change is hard- especially when it is negative change.
People can be pretty confusing tbh. That is funny, I tend to get along better with men- as they tend to be more straightforward in what they say.
-hi5- then we should become so I vote

I'm happy you understand. I didn't want it to be that big of a change for me but eventually I have to move on.

I'm also happy that you want to be my friend. Maybe there will be more but it's only a start. :)



CJ404
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29 Jul 2014, 11:44 am

MacGyverAspie wrote:
I'm happy you understand. I didn't want it to be that big of a change for me but eventually I have to move on.

I'm also happy that you want to be my friend. Maybe there will be more but it's only a start. :)


Hopefully eventually it won't hurt so bad having that change. You've just got to try to develop your friendships with other people I think, and the friends you have :)
Aye aye, making friends is always a rather positive experience



Protector88
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29 Jul 2014, 11:54 am

CJ404 wrote:
MacGyverAspie wrote:
I'm happy you understand. I didn't want it to be that big of a change for me but eventually I have to move on.

I'm also happy that you want to be my friend. Maybe there will be more but it's only a start. :)


Hopefully eventually it won't hurt so bad having that change. You've just got to try to develop your friendships with other people I think, and the friends you have :)
Aye aye, making friends is always a rather positive experience

To me it hasn't been an all to positive experience...



CJ404
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29 Jul 2014, 12:15 pm

Protector88 wrote:
CJ404 wrote:
MacGyverAspie wrote:
I'm happy you understand. I didn't want it to be that big of a change for me but eventually I have to move on.

I'm also happy that you want to be my friend. Maybe there will be more but it's only a start. :)


Hopefully eventually it won't hurt so bad having that change. You've just got to try to develop your friendships with other people I think, and the friends you have :)
Aye aye, making friends is always a rather positive experience

To me it hasn't been an all to positive experience...



Fair point, I was more meaning successfully making new friends, rather than trying to make new friends. Trying I would agree with you can be quite disheartening and hard