Disagreeing on Facebook

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I keep getting frustrated when I am on sites like Facebook, and I simply disagree with someone, and they always seem to take it personally and get upset with me. I'm wondering how many feel this way.

Examples of things that bother me:

1. They always seem to have to say, "We all have the right to our opinion", but it seems like they are trying to tell me that I don't have the right to mine. So the discussion must end because they have that right. I don't understand why this always has to be said, when no one is even questioning that right.

2. They go and post a picture on their wall, as soon as the disagreement happens, to say that they have the right to post what they want on their wall, and if you don't like it, unfriend them. I don't want to unfriend them. I don't have a problem with what they post to their wall. I simply disagreed with something.

3. They seem to be offended a lot, yet mock others for being offended. Usually, in these situations, the person they are mocking was not offended, but simply disagreeing, or offering another viewpoint. It also seems that many need reassurance from their friends that the other person is stupid for being offended, and they usually get it, even though it's clear that they are the ones who are truly offended.

Any thoughts on this, or similar experiences? What else bothers you when it comes to disagreements on Facebook or other websites?

Just a thought - it might not be that you're disagreeing with them that is causing the offence, but how you convey tour thoughts when you disagree with them.

Also, remember each person ob Facebook has allowed you to be in their mutual space on the Internet. Generally, going round disagreeing with things they've shared on their personal space can be seen as discomforting and pushing a boundary. Its not anyone's job to police their friends thoughts or images on Facebook.

Half of my Facebook friends do what i feel is moronic and narcissistic stuff. A good third share what I feel are ignorant political or spiritual images. But you know what? It's their prerogative and their wall. So be it. I simply exercise the self control not to interact with that piece of newsfeed and remind myself I am not like that.

I hope that provides some sort of insight into my experience with this sort of thing.

I don't think I disagree with everything. One example, the other day, someone shared a picture that depicted people burning what was supposed to be the American flag, but it clearly was not the American flag. And I perceived the picture to be racist, as the text was saying that if they hate this country that much, to go back to their own country. I very simply pointed out that this was not the American flag, and explained. I guess, I felt that someone should say something. I got both the "right to our own opinions" speech, and her making a post about how she has the right to post what she wants on her own wall, and if someone doesn't like it, to unfriend her.

A lot of this, also, is not just in what I've personally disagreed with, but seen in others, as well. I understand not wanting everything to be up for debate. But I think if you post it, then others should be able to respond. But this makes me wonder if maybe it would be better if Facebook would add something so that you can disable comments on something you share, as not everyone is so easily able to understand when it's okay to comment and when it isn't.

Yes it has happened to me too. I think it is bound to happen if you ever disagree with someone on the internet. But there is something about FB that makes it worse, I think because FB is set up to make each person feel like they can be the center of attention within a circle of their own choosing.

Plus it's different from posting on forums like this, where people can largely just discuss things anonymously...on FB most people are using their real names, and (depending on where/how it is posted) a disagreement may happen in front of the person's family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, etc. The stakes are higher and it can make people more reactive.

I think a lot of what is posted on FB is really mindless to begin with, again because of how it is set up. I know when I first got on there, it was totally addictive to just keep scrolling through tons of posts and like/share a lot of them just because it was a pretty picture, or something that made me laugh. Sometimes maybe I didn't even look at it that closely, or read the text attached underneath. So if someone made a case over it, it was just kind of baffling because I wasn't actually trying to make any kind of statement by it.

What would really bother me, is if someone popped up to critique something I posted, who never interacted with me otherwise, never had any other kind of comment, never liked any of my posts or photos or said anything kind, but suddenly just had to make a negative comment about something. I remember a few times that happened and I was really taken aback by it.

I also noticed some people who would say, they are going to unfriend people who post certain kinds of things on their own page, such as photos of animal cruelty because they were sensitive to it and didn't want to see it in their feed. I felt like it was asking too much to try to limit what people post on their own pages.

One woman would get really upset if her friends were playing games on FB, because she didn't want to see the posts about games. I think FB was just posting that stuff automatically, it wasn't like people were doing it on purpose, but she would act like people were doing it TO HER PERSONALLY if she had to see even one post about a game. She would make all these wildly offended posts about how she was going to unfriend people who played games. I thought her complaints about it were far more annoying than the actual game posts. For awhile I didn't play any games on FB, but then I really got into it. And I never posted anything on my wall about playing a game, but I guess FB just posted it automatically, because sure enough she unfriended me. I just thought, well good riddance.

I see a lot of that, too.. People trying to dictate what other people post. This is often the same person who doesn't like others disagreeing with them.

A lot of the pictures with words bother me, because I take them to have a literal meaning. I understand that they try to have a positive message, but often, it isn't really positive. Then others are really mean, such as depicting overweight people or "ugly" people, even sometimes people with disabilities, and they say things making fun of them. I think this person probably gets made fun of and even bullied in their real life, and now they have to deal with hundreds or thousands of people making fun of their picture, too. Especially, when you can tell that the picture was taken without the person's knowledge.

I don't usually comment on things like that. I just don't contribute those things to my own wall, and occasionally will post cyber bullying links to my own wall, in hopes maybe someone will read it and think before sharing those pictures. But I don't think it does any good. They're only interested in laughing at people.. not learning about them.

Usually the ones that I comment on, are the ones that are obvious lies. People share pictures, warning people of others who have committed crimes or are dead, and when I look it up, it isn't true. I'm not trying to start a fight with anybody. I just think that they would like to know that the story is fake, so they can take it down, and not accidentally trick people into believing false information. They never take them down, tho. And they often just get offended at having the truth pointed out to them. I've had people get their friends and family jumping on posts calling me names, and mocking me for being offended, when I wasn't.

I deactivated my account a few days ago because it seems like since the controversy over the Confederate flag, my feed has gotten very racist. I've seen people blaming the Charleston shooter for their own racism. I don't understand how they can blame anyone but themselves for that. But those types of comments and pictures still get a lot of likes and shares. It's unsettling to me, how popular these things become.

It depends on how you phrase it. You have to say it in a way that doesn't come across like you are trying to argue or challenge them. Also, are these people who you talk to very often or just random people who you have added for some reason or other months or so ago who you don't really know? In other words, is it even worth it to get into a discussion? If you want to discuss the matter with them, say something like "I disagree and think that <whatever your stance is - in a very short summation>. Do you think that it is always true that <their opinion> or could <your opinion> ever be true?" or something along those lines. Open up a discussion with your first post to them about it, don't pronounce a judgment.

Most of the time, I can overlook the annoying political feed, etc. and just say to myself "that's just the way so-and-so is."

There are a few people who are open to debate and occasionally I will get into it with them. Most people, however, just want to use Facebook to make a statement about what they think, when they post something religious or personal.

Usually this doesn't bother me, but for some reason the controversy over the Confederate Flag has bothered me more than anything else ever has. I can't take it! I am seriously thinking about unfriending people over it, and normally I think political issues are something to get past.

This is why I've never had a Facebook account. It seems to do more harm than good, and brings out the worst in people - particularly the narcissism that is such a feature of contemporary society.

Of course, all internet forums suffer from this to a greater or lesser extent. There are times when WP members behave in the same way. But Facebook is by far the worst, which is why so many people are closing their accounts.

I have about 250ish friends on mine, who are mostly my art customers. I started the facebook for my art, because I thought it would be a great way to connect with people and get more sales, which has turned out to be a great form of advertising for me, but then I can see how everyone feels about everything, and it seems many of them have viewpoints that I can barely stomach seeing.

I think that with the confederate flag debate and the gay marriage laws being passed, I just felt the need to deactivate my account, and get away from everyone.

And I agree about the confederate flag debates.. It seems that few people can debate it without being blatantly racist. I've even seen a few blaming Dylann Roof for their own racism, saying that "he got what he wanted". I don't see how you can blame anyone for your own racist comments.

I think you might be right that facebook brings out the worst in people. I don't seem to have the issues with people in other places.. even when they say things I don't like, it's somehow easier to deal with, than it is on fb. Maybe because it's just one statement, instead of spending all day sharing pictures and quotes, stating their viewpoints.

Facebook is a platform which does not have a difference between a "friend" and an "acquaintance". As a result, socially apt people have a lot of activity going on and do not dedicate much attention to a specific individual and often do not mean to say what they said. Often Facebook is used in transit with them going through a few dozens of messages for them to sort out before resuming their work. I would not give credibility to the instances of what you described; I would perceive the right to post as they please without listening to people as a part of Facebook etiquette, and shape a judgment basing on their reactions to other things... where you look at your overall history of interaction with an individual rather than their specific one thing which many people share. It really is hard for them to adapt and censor themselves after all and I do not think they take your comment personally even if it seems so.

On a side note, you could try participating at gnusocial and inviting friends there. It is decentralized, programmed nicer, does not require you to give up on your privacy, and gives you more control over visibility of your messages.

I use a firefox extension that allows me to filter posts with specific words, so I've set it to screen out anything that mentions either political party, certain names like Clinton or Bush, and a bunch of social justice jargon, like patriarchy or mansplain; it's made Facebook far more usable for me, and allowed me to hang onto some respect for my friends. Also, years of arguing politics with Aspies here has honed my debating skills to a very fine edge, and most people aren't prepared for a meticulous, point by point rebuttal of the stupid political image macro they threw up on their wall without thinking too much about it, so the filter removes the temptation for me. Sandblasting soupcrackers doesn't tend to make or keep you many friends.

I will keep that in mind if I ever go back to it. I've been enjoying my vacation from it. So I think I will stay deactivated for now. I do have a hard time with the way that many people seem to share things without taking a minute to look them up, to see if they're true. I just feel this overpowering obligation to comment. It rarely turns out well.

And you have a right to feel the way you do, but they also have a right to disagree.

I think the best thing would be to exercise more self control and use it purely as an advertising tool. If you can't do that then try getting someone else to post on your behalf for your art work.

The thing about FB is it feels unnatural to me to know that much about other people's opinions, especially regarding things like politics and religion. I normally don't discuss my views with people in real life. Most people don't relate to my views, and I don't relate to theirs, and never the twain shall meet.

One reason I still have a FB account, is I like to follow posts or discussions that do echo my own views. I realized I could spend all day on FB scrolling through stuff that doesn't interest me, or I could just get right down to looking at the things that do interest me. I culled my friends list way down, and set it so the ones who remain don't show up in my feed anymore. That way, I only interact with people I know via private messages. I don't want to see people's public posts that aren't addressed to me personally. I feel like most of the problems on FB come from that, because people just throw stuff out there without thinking about who they are addressing.

I'm not understanding what you are saying. I already said that I deactivated mine because I don't like the way that people play victim to being disagreed with. I never said that I had a problem with a person disagreeing with me, or posting what they want on their own wall. I was saying that when I disagree with them, they do things like gather their friends up to draw attention to the subject, rather than just simply respond.. Or they post more things on their wall, about having the right to post what they like. It all seems childish to me. Especially in cases of false stories. I'm sorry, but if your face were being shared all over social media as a child predator, when you'd done no such thing, you'd probably be wishing that people would take a couple of minutes out to research the story. Many people fall victim to this, and lives get ruined because of it. I don't understand, why instead of removing the post from their wall, or showing a link to the real story, that people would rather act childishly hurt over it, and continue being a part of that problem.

I can handle disagreements just fine, thank you.

There's just something very childish and cruel about the element of facebook, at least from what I have seen. Of course, there's a lot of good there, too. But this behaviour seems to be the most popular with the people I've had on my list. I don't want any part of it anymore because it stresses me out too much.

I think I could possibly enjoy it with my closest friends, but then I would only have about 3 friends. I tried "liking" a few pages with more positive messages on them, to outweigh all of the negativity.. I guess that I don't understand humor such as racist jokes or passing around a meme of an unattractive person, with some mean words on it. None of that seems fun to me. Those types of posts, along with the fake news stories and religious posts, about going to hell.. By the time I've scrolled through my feed, I'm no longer in a very good mood.

If I do go back, I probably will narrow my friend list way down and just use it for my close friends and pages that I like.