Do you go to social events by yourself?

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FullMetalAspie
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10 Aug 2015, 4:09 pm

Thanks for the responses everyone.
I'm still not sure the whole going to open events thing is for me but I don't have any better ideas on how to meet people. I am going to give it one more try before I give up on it (if I can find an event I'm interested in going to).



JaxTeller
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14 Aug 2015, 1:58 pm

I don't know if this counts as a social event, but I've been going to the movies by myself for like 6 to 7 years, it's something pretty personal to me (movies) and I don't like sharing that with anyone, except my SO. When I'm with her, I like breaking my rule and going with her, but I don't like going with friends or anything.



mpe
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14 Aug 2015, 2:27 pm

FullMetalAspie wrote:
Do you go to social events by yourself without knowing anyone there in an attempt to make friends.

Yes I've done that. Even met people I knew, but wasn't expecting to be there.

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Is this an acceptable thing to do?

Acceptable to who? At the end of the day what matters is what's acceptable to you.

Quote:
Awhile ago I found out about a free concert with local pop punk and hardcore bands playing. I went to the concert with out knowing anyone there. I really liked the music there it was definitely my style.
but there was long quiet periods in between each set when musicians set up their equipment and did sound checks. During this time everyone was socializing and talking to each other except me. One person did come up and talk to me and asked me why I was by myself not talking, then he asked me if I knew any people there. When I said I didn't know anyone he asked me "why did I even come then?".

IMHO that is really his problem. Nothing wrong with going to a concert because you like the music. Even to just find out if you like the music or bands.

Quote:
I recently found a Facebook page for local super smash bros (video game) players and saw there were having a tournament soon. I should have went but I was worried about not knowing anyone and thought it would end up like the last time I did something by myself.

No reason for you not to go.



beakybird
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20 Aug 2015, 8:10 pm

Yeah I actually just went to a concert a few weeks back by myself. Didnt really go for the social aspect, more because I loved one of the bands playing and wouldnt miss it just because Ive got no one to go with (and my wife bailed due to a depressive bout). But I actually noticed quite a few loners there.

But as was said, the metal/___core scene is certainly a good place to find people to identify with. But it's probably better to actually get into the bands your going to see (at least one) beforehand so you can have conversation should the opportunity arise. People will think you belong and are pretty cool if you know the songs and albums from the band. I know i would. You then HAVE a reason to be there. You also have something in common with many of the people there- a common, often intense interest. So this removes that awkwardness of not belonging.

Didnt check how old you were, but if legal, a few drinks really really help some people. If you don't ever drink, this would be a bad idea. But if you indulge, this would be a very appropriate time to. Xanax is a life saver as well. I dont have a script because I dont have insurance, but know someone who has one and they work very, very well for me.

But not having a companion should never discourage you from doing the things you like.



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21 Aug 2015, 8:38 pm

I generally meet with 2+ friends at a time.

I don't enjoy large groups of people, but the more people, the more who can interact with each other and the less who want to speak to me.


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nerdygirl
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23 Aug 2015, 7:19 pm

That guy was a jerk! It's none of his business why you came alone! It probably surprised him that you were alone, but his comment was out of line, even if it was innocent.

It's perfectly acceptable to go to social events alone. I have done so more times than I could possibly count. I have gone to things that interested me because *I* wanted to go. I have also gone places where I hoped to meet people who shared similar interests.

Sometimes, I have been very uncomfortable. Other times, it turned out fine. At the very minimum, going even when I was very anxious about it gave me an opportunity to practice busting through the wall of anxiety and making myself *DO IT* and just go! There's a lot to be said about forcing yourself to do something that you know is "good for you" even when it doesn't feel good.

It does get easier over time. Social skills develop, you become more comfortable in your own skin, you feel less like you're going to stick out because you are alone, you become more confident, and you also get the opportunity to do things you like even when others you know don't share the same interests.

The latest thing I've done is join a meetup group for hiking. One time I was a little bit uncomfortable, but the other three times I've gone have been fine. I chatted with one lady for a long time on one hike (she started the conversation), and I've been on a few hikes with one particular leader so I am getting to know her a little more each time.

If I am going somewhere to try and meet people, I will not have success in a large group or a loud place like a concert. I would do much better in a small group and quieter place. If I go to a loud, crowded place it would only be for the experience, not for socializing.



slw1990
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23 Aug 2015, 9:44 pm

I see movies by myself once in a while. I don't really feel like I need to be with someone then because I usually stay focused on whatever movie I'm watching. I don't usually go out alone any other time though because i don't like being in crowds that much. I also worry about running into someone I know because they might harass me or something. I guess it's kind of a silly thing to worry about though since it's not very likely to happen.



cberg
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23 Aug 2015, 9:56 pm

Usually just meetings, the occasional bike ride and sometimes skiing, so I suppose most of what I might do alone usually just involves other people by default. Case in point, not too many of my friends are freelance software developers. I'm not interested in imposing a whole new profession on people whose ideas I already valued, and even then, there are people I know could enjoy programming as a hobby.

Now that I think about it, the only other example would be my attending a 4/20 rally or two on my own. :mrgreen: Apart from that I'm more likely outdoors or at a concert with friends...


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24 Aug 2015, 12:06 am

I did that once, and became uncomfortable very quickly. So I don't go to events by myself unless it's something like an author doing a book signing or a lecturer in a public setting.

But yeah dude, you throw everyone else off, because they don't know why you're being 'off.' They try to mask their being threatened by it by making fun of you, but it is uncomfortable. For one, it makes them feel like they're the one's who're off for not knowing how to be around you. By the way, it isn't even a set rule. At larger festivals, you're(and everyone else there) far more of an individual, but in subcultures, where people are very tribal, there's a sensitive social fabric that you can't trample on.

But I see movies and attend left-wing protests/rallies/talks by myself, and that's perfectly okay. So there are events and times when its okay, especially if you're open to being social with new people.


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AutisticGuy1981
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24 Aug 2015, 8:57 am

there's a boardgame group not far from where I live that's pretty much all adults.
around 40 people go to most of the group meets.

I'm dreading it but will force my self along to the next one.

I have no idea what I'm going to do when I walk in the door, I'm convinced I will be unable to make friends and not have anything to talk about but if I can make it as far as finding someone to play a game with I reckon I will be fine.


Just gotta push your self and try to ignore the feeling of dread or nothing will ever change.
I always think of the worst possible outcome and it stops me doing stuff.
need to break the cycle and show my self it doesn't have to be like that.



tcorrielus
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25 Aug 2015, 6:52 pm

1) The person who complained about you not talking to anyone that you didn't know at the show sounded rude. If he wanted you to make friends and talk with people at the show, then he should've kindly introduced himself to and started a conservation with you. But you gotta be careful who you meet in person.

2) There were a few instances in which I went to social events by myself in order to find people to befriend outside of school or work. I did this through Meetup.com. Meetup is a website that provides a list of various social groups at any area you live in. When you join any Meetup group, just simply introduce yourself to the members of the group and start talking.



Malaise
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28 Aug 2015, 5:02 pm

People do make friends at places like concerts and video game tournaments sometimes. Concerts are kind of like big, expensive parties that you only get to attend once in awhile, so a lot of people don't see the point in going when it's just them.



RunningWolf
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28 Aug 2015, 6:51 pm

Nope. Not a big fan of social events.



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31 Aug 2015, 4:29 am

Yes I go to social events always alone. Nobody wants to team up with me. I didn't want to go to my Prom, my mother forced me and I went alone. I am much older now and I still go alone to everything. Nobody seems to share my interests. I don't like what is out there and I seem to be too much of an individual.