Easier and better to socialize with NTs

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infilove
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01 Sep 2015, 1:25 am

Do you actually find it easier to socialize with NTs compared to aspies? I find this to be the case with me. I know many Aspies in my area where it seems like a challenge and a half to try to agree on a plan to get together and hang out. I also often feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I find it do easy to do something that will overwelm an aspie and make them be afraid to hang again. NTS often aren't like that and I find I learn more how to socialize the more I'm around that and the opposite happens with aspies.


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starkid
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01 Sep 2015, 1:39 am

The overwhelming majority of my socializing experience is online. Based on that, the answer is a resounding NO. It is all but impossible to talk to NTs because they constantly assume stuff, read into stuff, gloss over details, and say things they don't mean.



Earthling
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01 Sep 2015, 1:53 am

Well, at my university I knew a guy who totally behaved like an Aspie.
When he wasn't in his talking frenzy, for example during lunch, he was awesome to be around because he was much more "normal" than other people. Direct, no annoying I-say-this-but-mean-that. We had similar interests too and knew most Internet meme related stuff so we could quote that all the time. It was great.



compcua
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01 Sep 2015, 5:17 pm

I totally agree with you. There was a girl in junior high who looking back, I'm pretty sure was an aspie as well. We hung out a lot because we had the same friends but we were incapable of talking to each other. It was horribly awkward.
As for the aspies in my support group, they seem great but none of us is even trying to socialize with each other outside of the sessions.



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2015, 5:30 pm

Compcua: They say autistic people aren't treated well in France--do you find that to be true?



compcua
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02 Sep 2015, 1:55 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Compcua: They say autistic people aren't treated well in France--do you find that to be true?



Well, I can't speak for the rest of France but in my little village, there are two institutions for autistic people. One is a home where adults with "classic" autism are taken care of. My mother used to work there and I can tell you they are treated very well. The other is a place where anyone on the spectrum can get a diagnostic with a specialized shrink and therapy almost for free. I went there myself a couple times.

So no, I don't find that to be true... at all !



JNathanK
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03 Sep 2015, 11:36 am

compcua wrote:
I totally agree with you. There was a girl in junior high who looking back, I'm pretty sure was an aspie as well. We hung out a lot because we had the same friends but we were incapable of talking to each other. It was horribly awkward.
As for the aspies in my support group, they seem great but none of us is even trying to socialize with each other outside of the sessions.


Yah, I know what you mean. I remember a girl that was absolutely obsessed with anime. It was all she talked about. Im pretty sure she was Aspergers. She was cute, and I felt drawn to a certain frozen aspect of her emotions. However, I have the same frozen quality in my emotions, so we really didn't click. Having the same problems doesn't necessarily make for compatibility.

I kind of like the idea, because I think theres less of a chance of being perceived as awkward or odd, but maybe I should just accept that people will find quarks in my behavior and live with it. I used to like being weird, didn't even really try to fit in at one point in my teenage years. I try more now that Ive gotten older, cause its kind of offputting, makes me look arrogant in some way, and limits my social circle. I already have a difficult enough time, and nt girls usually get me more. I feel like us both being clueless doesnt really help.

We'd have to have similar obsessions for it to work. Like if she was all into organic gardening and rainwater catchment, and bicycling, and stuff like that, I would totally date an aspergers girl. If its some subculture obsession, then no. Ive already grown past that myself. subculture is a total waste of time for younger people on the spectrum. Its really easy to form not just obsessions around it, but socially offputting obsessions. The whole non-comformity mythos of present-day American culture isn't really helpful to youth with this disposition. The whole goth/metal subculture is full of people with psychological issues. It wasn't good for me to be in. Damaged people just kind of gravitated toward me.

Theres a funny thing I saw on IT Crowd that kind of reminded me of myself as a teenager, where the awkward goth guy formed an ex-goth rehabilitation clinic.



AspergersActor8693
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03 Sep 2015, 10:05 pm

I kind of find that this is the case with me. It is not like I prefer spending time with NT's over other Aspie's, I enjoy both. It is just that I have not had that much experience interacting with other Apsie's. So it sometimes makes for awkward moments when I don't know what to do. It is easier with my NT friends because I've had more experience with them.



duck12
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08 Sep 2015, 6:58 pm

In a way this is true for me, I'm a borspie and it seems I get along better with NT people, plus in addition it is like pulling teeth trying to hang out with another AS person let alone get them to go out. When I get a gf I want her to be NT, not Aspie, and I'm hoping I can get some NT friends as well. However this might be different for others, this is just the way I work.



Malaise
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09 Sep 2015, 11:26 am

In my brief interactions with other Aspies offline, I often felt they weren't interested in talking to me. Hard to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk in the first place, is all.



starkid
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09 Sep 2015, 11:32 am

Malaise wrote:
In my brief interactions with other Aspies offline, I often felt they weren't interested in talking to me. Hard to talk to someone who doesn't want to talk in the first place, is all.


I probably give that impression because I don't look at people much, give long answers or ask them much about themselves (I don't know enough about them to have anything to ask), don't smile unless they say something that's genuinely pleasing, and don't modulate my tone of voice much. I'd like to give a more interested impression, but I'm just tired of faking all that stuff, and I don't know what else to do.

Part of the problem is that I'm usually genuinely not interested in the first few things people say to me. "Hi, how are you, nice weather," is boring, but I'm content to wait for people to progress to more interesting topics. They usually don't.



LordRikerQ
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10 Sep 2015, 11:14 pm

99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.



RubyTates
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11 Sep 2015, 1:05 pm

I actually find that I can relate to Aspies more and that they are easier to hold an intelligent conversation with, which is the only thing that I am interested in right now. Whenever I speak with NTs my age, it is all the same superficial talk-going to bars, beer, beer, beer, shopping, hair---so boring and pointless to me. I think you just need to find the right Aspie to talk to. As for me, being female, I am a bit more on the social side and i can mask my Aspie traits a little more and act NT to get to know someone. Maybe that is all that the other Aspie person needs to be able to hang out and open up. I know I would want someone doing that for me if I was too afraid to take the first step to make a connection.

I think that an Aspie-Aspie relationship can be very fulfilling and would like to have one in the future. All the NT males that I know can't seem to hold an intelligent conversation and I quickly get bored and lose interest in them.



starkid
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11 Sep 2015, 1:07 pm

RubyTates wrote:
As for me, being female, I am a bit more on the social side and i can mask my Aspie traits a little more and act NT to get to know someone.


Seems like you've got your personality mixed up with your sex.



RubyTates
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11 Sep 2015, 1:08 pm

LordRikerQ wrote:
99% of my socialization these days is online, and I'll echo what has been said NO. Most NT's seem to find one reason or another to hate on me, even NTs I don't even know.

I just never get a break, and many just have problems communicating with me, they never say what they mean and i always say what i mean.



^This can be very frustrating.



RubyTates
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11 Sep 2015, 1:13 pm

starkid wrote:
RubyTates wrote:
As for me, being female, I am a bit more on the social side and i can mask my Aspie traits a little more and act NT to get to know someone.


Seems like you've got your personality mixed up with your sex.


I thought it was common knowledge that female Aspies tended to be a little more social than males (this is a generalization, but rings true for me). And yes, in order to get through life without being totally harassed and bullied, I observed many NT girls and the way they were behaving and copied them in order to form connections with people I otherwise would not have. I wouldn't know any other way to go about it.