How to tell if someone likes you (as a friend)

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Gracey72
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13 Jan 2016, 11:26 am

I think that I'm getting better at making friends but I still sometimes have a feeling that people secretly dislike me. How can I tell if that is true.



Gracey72
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14 Jan 2016, 4:42 am

No-One likes me already.



Gracey72
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15 Jan 2016, 7:23 am

Why has no-one replied



nerdygirl
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15 Jan 2016, 3:09 pm

Because we don't know the answer?
I don't.
I have been feeling pretty mixed up about this lately.



kraftiekortie
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15 Jan 2016, 3:24 pm

I'm your friend, Nerdygirl. There's no confusion about that.



nerdygirl
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15 Jan 2016, 3:25 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I'm your friend, Nerdygirl. There's no confusion about that.


No, no confusion there. :D



Earthling
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15 Jan 2016, 3:30 pm

You can't tell.
You never know for sure.

But you can test (don't mess up if you do, that might become embarrassing).
For example you can ask on purpose if they can help you with <something> and then see how they react.
Just word of warning: I've heard of people doing this, but I've never done it before.



100000fireflies
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16 Jan 2016, 1:59 am

nerdygirl wrote:
Because we don't know the answer?
I don't.
I have been feeling pretty mixed up about this lately.


yeah..it's a very hard question to answer as-is. i think ultimately, one never knows for sure initially.
maybe if you gave some examples of why you feel that? unless of course it's just a feeling..in which case, it could be something you're picking up on, or it could just be insecurities in your mind beating yourself up.

you can always assume the best - that they do like you... and act accordingly when interacting: with confidence.
the alternate when such doubts take hold is that we end up feeling even more awkward and then people around us feel awkward..and it all self-perpetuates the other way :|


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i_wanna_blue
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16 Jan 2016, 4:52 pm

You know someone likes you when....

They are happy when they see you.
They miss you when you're gone.
They trust you with their secrets and possessions.
They don't mind spending on you or giving you things.
They look past your physical flaws, your status and focus on your personality.
They laugh with you, rather than at you.
They feel comfortable around you, and relaxed at being themselves.
They are comfortable being around you in public places.



Gracey72
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17 Jan 2016, 10:47 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
You know someone likes you when....

They are happy when they see you.


How do you know that their not faking?

Quote:
They miss you when you're gone.


How can I tell this, when I won't be there?

Quote:
They look past your physical flaws, your status and focus on your personality.


How can I tell this?

Quote:
They laugh with you, rather than at you.
They feel comfortable around you, and relaxed at being themselves.
Quote:


And these?



Summer_Twilight
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17 Jan 2016, 11:20 am

Like you verses those who don't

1. They get excited to see you every time you are around
2. They call you to see how you are doing and hint at getting together
3. They have a genuineness towards you
4. They stand up for you when others fail to treat you with respect
5. They come to your things and invite you back
6. They make every effort to include you in things

Whereas people you don't like you
1. If you walk into a room, they will leave.
2. They aren't excited to see you or give you a hug but seem happy to see other people
3. Don't return your phone calls, e-mails or comments on social media.
4. They don't invite you to things and give you excuses as to why
5. They constantly turn down your invitations with excuses
6. They don't stand up for you when their other friends, family or spouse hint that you aren't wanted around



i_wanna_blue
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17 Jan 2016, 1:18 pm

Gracey72 wrote:

How do you know that their not faking?


How can I tell this, when I won't be there?


How can I tell this?


And these?


It's difficult to know if people are being fake or not. However people will only pretend to like you if they want something other than your friendship. So they may want money, or they may want you to help them in school etc, but if that's all they want, and they don't seem to have any of the other characteristics like wanting to know you whether you help them or not, then it may show they're being fake. But some people may find it hard to show you that they like you, or are shy, so I guess you just have to go along with it until it's blatant that they're being fake.

If they try to stay in touch with you during a period of absence, or if they seem really happy to see you when you meet again, the chances are they missed you when you were away from them.

You'll know they're not focusing on superficial things if they don't constantly mention things like looks, status etc. to you, or belittle you about it.

If they want to be seen with you and don't try to hide your friendship, then they're most likely genuine. If they ask you to go out with them and to tag along with their other friends or family, then they feel comfortable being around you.

Just a word of note though, that these things aren't cast in stone. What I and others say can only be used as a general guideline. So you may get a faker who could show all of the above points, or have a genuine friend who doesn't. That's the thing with friendships. You can only truly know once you've taken the plunge.



nerdygirl
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17 Jan 2016, 3:06 pm

My life is full of people who genuinely act like they are happy to see me when I talk to them, but do NOTHING to keep in touch with me in-between. They wouldn't talk bad about me, but they don't seek out my companionship either.



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18 Jan 2016, 1:11 am

Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


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18 Jan 2016, 1:29 am

You will never know unless you can read minds.


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nurseangela
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18 Jan 2016, 1:31 am

Idealist wrote:
Gracey72 wrote:
How to tell if someone likes you?

Ask them. :|


They will lie or just choose not to answer you and change the subject.


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Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.