Is is ASD or Social Anxiety that makes someone not sure of the appropriateness of doing something?
I've bought a small gift for a few people - we'll call them A, B, C and D. I saw something in the shop and was reminded of B, so just bought it as a token gesture - Im like that, there'll be something about the object that can be associated to the person so I'll buy it for them. Doesn't happen very often. I find myself feeling really comfortable and safe around B, but Im worried that I might come across like Im hitting on her. So I bought the same gifts for A, C and D.
A and C Im happy to give the gift to, no risk.
D Im unsure about, but no risk, so OK.
B Im scared about looking like Im hitting on her. Now having bought the same gift for A C and D, Im worried that the impact of the gift will lose its gravitas.
There's a couple of things in this - firstly the way I find myself getting attached and clingy to certain people. Usually they're people I relate to, feel comfortable around. Secondly, I then worry about boundaries and appropriateness.
B asked me how my week was. This is something actually, I only just realise, I don't think I've ever asked anybody. It doesn't make any sense. Surely someone will tell me. I'd never have asked any of the four people. Maybe I should build it into my repertoire. I've got "How are you", but "how was your week", that seems a bit more direct to me. I might ask directly if I knew they were doing something during the week, like, if I knew they had an exam, I might ask them, how was the exam.
Anyhow, I thought I should reciprocate and ask B how her week was, but again, I just felt like I was being too personal. I was just trying to work out, there's nothing wrong with the question, it's not sexual, it's not intimate, it's perfectly fine. I agonised for a while over whether I should ask that question or not.
Eventually I asked the question with a limiting statement on the end to try to take any sharpness out of the question.
Im still exploring who I am, but this is a good example of how I struggle.
Am I struggling to ask her about her week and to give her a gift because Im close? Am I too close? How close am I? I don't think I'd have a problem with other people I wasn't particularly close to. As I say, I just feel a bond, a connection to B and Im hoping it's not sexual. Could it be that I am attracted to her? Why should that even be a problem? Im not doing anything wrong here!
Does that even make sense?
Someone help me, please.
09 Feb 2016, 2:54 am
