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Aristophanes
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21 Apr 2016, 1:00 pm

BatGirlAspie918 wrote:
i would say i am passable but it does exhaust me by the end of the day playing this game of "blending in" :cry:

I'm the same. I can pass, and actually pass well, when I want to put on the "act"-- but it's utterly exhausting to do so, and I can't do it repeatedly.



BatGirlAspie918
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21 Apr 2016, 4:51 pm

Aristophanes wrote:
BatGirlAspie918 wrote:
i would say i am passable but it does exhaust me by the end of the day playing this game of "blending in" :cry:

I'm the same. I can pass, and actually pass well, when I want to put on the "act"-- but it's utterly exhausting to do so, and I can't do it repeatedly.



yes i totally understand!! i was wondering if there was more of "us" hiding :D

i have to put the act on repeatedly for work 9-5pm as an assistant underwriter, it complete drains me. Then when im home family will ask whats wrong? how was your day? etc etc and i just cant handle all the questions when i first walk in the door leading to arguments because im so burnt and grumpy i just wanna be left alone for an hour to decompress myself. :cry:


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AnaHitori
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21 Apr 2016, 8:01 pm

I think I just come off of as very shy most of the time. But if a conversation goes on for too long, sometimes my "social skills" start to fall apart until I have to excuse myself and go take a break.


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Rocket123
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22 Apr 2016, 9:04 am

I always considered my social skills "passable", since I was taught to always be polite.



JonathanCampbell99
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03 May 2016, 5:14 pm

Even though I haven't got Asperger's, my social skills are poor, I have no friends and I find it very hard to socialise with people, I'm very awkward with people I know and with people I don't know, I feel like a ****ing idiot most of the time tbh. :|


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TudorGothicSerpent
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04 May 2016, 11:39 am

Mine are okay. Around people who I don't know or don't know well, I'm awkward, but more in a "God, I'm nervous" way than the stereotypical sense. I guess I could probably pass as someone with severe social anxiety, which isn't that far from the truth.



RubyTates
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05 May 2016, 10:57 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
My social skills are pretty good these days.
I'm almost unrecognisable from the past me if I speak on the phone.

It's when I'm put into hostile environments though that I begin to regress.


This.

My social skills improved tremendously when I moved away from my family which was causing me much anxiety and stress. Also, when I stopped caring about what other's thought of me, that helped as well. I think you just have to relax.



PennyFri
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06 May 2016, 5:22 am

I don't think I'm very good at assessing my "social performances". There have been many occasions where I think "yep. Nailed it." then I get feedback indicating that the social encounter was a complete failure. Sometimes the reverse happens.

My social skills have definitely improved since high school. Still doesn't feel natural though. It's like I'm constantly following rules & guidelines in my head, & then I end up feeling drained. I haven't met many people that I feel I can be myself around. I'm working on it though, I've started attending a weekly social gathering with people I met through work. It stresses me out a lot but I'm pushing through it.



b9
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06 May 2016, 5:46 am

BatGirlAspie918 wrote:
if i had to have a phone conversation, no one in their right mind would ever think i was an Aspie, pretty much NT almost on the phone.

it is almost the same with me. here is a sound clip of me ordering a pizza, and i am not discernible as AS as far as i can see, however the operator did have some difficulty in responding to me after a while.
http://www.soundclick.com/player/single ... 34983&q=hi

BatGirlAspie918 wrote:
in person sure, i am passable, i smile, i talk ok, i have a hard time with eye contact but i normally look at their nose or forehead and it passable for eye contact. At work i pretty much dont start a conversation but if asked a question i can come up with a pretty good witty answer. I dress the part of the girls my age make up etc so i try to blend in the best i can.

in person i do not endear too many people. they can see i am not particularly interested in them.
i raise one eyebrow when they are talking to me if i am interested, but usually i do not raise any facial expression at all, and they start quickly to realize that it is futile for them to talk to me for much longer.
but they do not think it is because of autism or anything. they just think it is "the way i am" which is true.



Holden14
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07 May 2016, 8:27 am

I pass as a very socially awkward person most of the time, which I guess will become less acceptable once I stop being a teenager. With quite a lot of people I can pull off being a sort of goofy/cute-awkward, perfectly ordinary person for a while and then I get irritable and tired and can't keep it up. Sometimes I wish I was more obviously an Aspie so people would know I'm not just awkward or rude, but obviously this would come with it's own complications.


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TheAP
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07 May 2016, 9:42 am

I think I'm worse at socializing than I used to be. I'm anxious and irritable a lot of the time, so that leaves me unable to relax and have a conversation with someone.



Silver_Meteor
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07 May 2016, 12:49 pm

Yes, my social skills are pretty good.


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somebody300
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08 May 2016, 4:33 pm

Mine aren't passable at all - people tell me that socially, I'm on the level of a 3-5 year old child. Not only that, but I also have some problems in the use of language when talking to people - I can't really carry on a normal back and forth conversation (it rapidly turns into a monologue), and my verbal skills aren't great (except for when it comes to talking about my special interests).
In fact, most people seem to assume that I'm stupid when they talk to me, until it comes to my special interests - when I talk about those, however, their esteem of my intelligence suddenly changes.

But then again, I'm not exactly on the highest functioning end of the spectrum.



Edna3362
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08 May 2016, 10:01 pm

Passable, and I will learn more. Someday, I'll find more loopholes in various cultures I get to interact. In my opinion, oddity helps.


I don't do external changes of forcibly conforming myself. That's only good for short terms, and I hate acting or lying for the sake of compensating NTs. I don't want an extra effort just for a pretty front of a social mask.
If I can't sync, then I don't sync. Some NTs can't sync well anyway.

I prefer internal changes that harmonize my autistic traits with the NT culture; good for long terms, no longer the need for 'coping', and no acting for 2 to 8 hours a day on daily basis. This is how I learn to be good at things, not learn how to act like I'm good at it.
Something I have to find it for myself, but help from a trustee never hurts.
I don't always have to be all polite, nor agreeable or submissive at all times. NTs are, too, after all. Yes, I get away with "things that NTs get away with". It's just a matter of wisdom and skill.


I don't have the anxiety nor the conditioning and warm up of scripting. I used to in my early teenage years, but not anymore.
Or maybe, I'm an aspie who got over and figured things 'too early'. :| I don't have the wisdom, but I have the time.
If one asks, I never had any social classes. Just curiosity out of frustration, and a matter of will.


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mikeman7918
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08 May 2016, 10:43 pm

I have been making some more observations about my behavior and apparently I am worse at blending in then I thought, realizing this has been part of my coming out of denial. When I do not have the NT act engaged I do a lot of stimming, sometimes vocalize my thoughts, and am either obsessing over something or being in my own world.

When someone tries to engage with me my NT act starts. I don't process language very well, so I have to use social scripts and echolalia a lot to sound relatively normal and even then I have to pause every so often to think about what I am going to say. Also my auditory processing problems make me say "what?" a lot. As far as being expressive goes, I can do it as long as I am not focusing on something else at the same time so if I'm playing a game or something while talking then my voice will be monotone and I will have a poker face.

As far as general social skills, my 11 year old (NT) sister is better then I am at that sort of stuff and I estimate my social and emotional age to be about 8-10 in most areas. I still haven't figured out conversations involving 3 or more people, I often interrupt people and don't give others a chance to talk, I have trouble judging what volume I should be speaking at, I am very bad at starting conversations, I often say socially inappropriate things, and I either try to change the subject too quickly or try to make it not change at all. I am pretty good with sarcasm and figurative speech, but I still have trouble with it sometimes.

Apparently it's quite obvious that I have something wrong with me, most people are just polite enough not to point it out.


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ForeverAnon
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11 May 2016, 11:16 am

"Mostly." I still don't get dates, or how to approach new people at bars/meet&greets, but I am ok otherwise. It really is a matter of practice. At worst, I usually am "quirky" or "eccentric", but that works in the end.

Main things are listening when others talk about sports (because I'm pretty much clueless on football), and being able to have organic conversations on dates. And remembering not to stare, have eyes wander around too much, etc.