Do I *need* friends?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't have any friends. I could sum up my social life to my cats, my boyfriend and occasionally two or three of his closest friends (who, honestly, are beginning to get to my nerves. They talk nonsense. They are pretty uninformed and occasionally sound like uneducated people even though they went to university, which leaves me to constantly correct them, base them with information and data just so they can say that "scientists' studies are wrong" because they do not agree with the evidence. It's very annoying).

The way I feel about them goes the same for I'd say 99% of the people I know. I don't care for people's days, problems, much less for talking about my own.
Recently I've been finding more pleasure in small talks — which I've always found nonsense, but as I got older I began to understand its significance — such as elevator conversation, answering "how's it going?" to the same question the doorman asks me. I truly find joy in it and I like how it's always constant. None of them is going to call me afterwards or be angry at me for no apparent reason.

I sometimes get confused on this matter. I am very content with my partner being also my best/only friend, but he tells me I should stay in touch with a couple of people, even if I am not as fond of them. Do I, really?
I don't feel the need for friends, but at times I just wish I had someone I could ask this kind of things, for instance.

The older I get, the more I see the need for friends. They make life a lot easier. The stress of dealing with everything alone is overwhelming. One person is not going to always be available to meet my needs so I need to always be friendly to people who have befriended me. I don't have to stay in constant contact, but at the very least I should contact them periodically. If not, I find myself all alone in emergency situations. This is not a place I want to be in.

I agree with em-tsui.

Unforutnately, the older you get I have heard the more important it is to have useful, reliable friends in your life.

It's known as a 'support network' and at your age ma'am I'd say this is actually a good time to have one or begin to have one.

I can relate as a recent high school graduate I've got to start this process myself.

I also have little interest in most other people except for a select few, and all I currently have nearby aside from my girlfriend is family (friends live in other cities).

LOL....in real life, most 23-year-old women don't like to be called "ma'am." I've made that mistake a few times. They might take it to mean that they look old or "matronly" in some sense.

Probably a woman 40 or older wouldn't mind being called "ma'am."

I can count my friends on one hand, and if they start to die or fade away, I won't seek to replace them.

I can understand what em_tsuj means, and I used to have this support network of my own, but we grew apart because they were always the ones to reach out for me. I don't know how to reach out for someone properly, I guess. I have tried in the past, when I felt it was indeed essential, but we have completely different interests so I gave up.
Friendship maintenance requires a lot of work and energy on my behalf. Pretending to be interested in the same things, laughing at stuff I don't actually understand, I have to wear a full persona in order to keep that going. I don't know to what point is keeping a support network worth it, you know? It's a high cost.

As others have said, you do need friends. One important reason is so that you don't rely so extensively on one person that you suffocate them or become a burden. Perhaps this is what your boyfriend meant when he said it is important to have other people in your life.

Don't correct your boyfriend's friends. It's tiresome, and it may feel to them like you are putting them down.

I absolutely agree. It's gentlemanly.

I agree with what everyone has said so far, and I also relate to all of it. I have two friends now (they are married to one another). I understand that having a friend makes life much better. A real friend, that is. It is such a relief to occasionally be able to get together with someone and enjoy talking. There has to be mutual trust and respect. You are just two people in the same boat of being human and living in this world. You share some common interests and can benefit from one another's perspective and information.

I've had trouble making and keeping friends in recent years. Actually, I haven't tried very hard. I like my own time. Each day, I have an agenda of things that I am interested in that I want to do. To me the ideal friend would be someone I could meet with for lunch or dinner a few times a week. We would enjoy talking, but then we could go our separate ways. I have a need to maintain my space and autonomy, but at the same time, I enjoy connecting with someone regularly.

I have been wondering the same thing lately. I have a husband and one close girl friend, who I have known since high school (20 years ago!!). I find the friendship (and the marriage ) to be a lot of work - text messaging and talking on the phone when I don't feel like it - especially that talking on the phone, I never feel like doing that!! but I understand that I need to do those things to fulfill my friend's needs for that kind of thing. Occasionally we go out in the city and have a meal and a few drinks and I really enjoy that. When we do things like that I feel glad that I made the effort to keep the friendship going, even though it does not come naturally to me. Before I found out that I am autistic I used to beat myself up for not having more friends, like I thought i was a loser and there must be something wrong with me. Now I know why I struggle so much with friendships, I am much more accepting and honest with myself about my situation and I feel pretty happy to just have the one girlfriend plus my husband. I honestly don't know if I'd be capable of making a 'new' friend now.

Someone mentioned the need to have several friends so you don't suffocate or become burden to your existing friends, but the truth is I am quite the opposite of suffocating to my friend - i think she'd like me to be more open/interactive with her - and I think this might be the case for many autistic people, we couldn't be suffocating if we tried I mean those of us that are prone to withdrawal or avoidance, like I am.

I agree that social network is really important, but I guess i am lucky to have a relatively functional family that i can rely on for that. Maybe you do too?

did you mean to say you know both your friend and husband from high school, or just your girl friend? (the way you word it makes it ambiguous )

and eh, i've found myself be more suffocating than i would have liked, starting when i realize others can be totally trusted (or "trusted").

I am quite independent, if I'm not with my boyfriend I dig myself into my interests. I have A LOT of fun reading about what I care about. Either that or TV series. I feel like an ideal friendship would consist of someone who'd care about the same things as much as me. What I really miss is talking about those things. I sometimes find myself telling my cat about the universe.
I don't rely on my boyfriend to listen to my babbling, and I don't expect him to care for those things. I know it can be exhausting, I've had a few people telling me it's very annoying when I talk about that.
I used to pay a therapist just so I could talk about those things to her, but then one day she asked me to go to a restaurant with her instead of the usual office, so I never showed up again (because she was my therapist, I didn't want to be her friend. I was paying her for f**k's sake). So yeah, that didn't work out either.
Should I just start a book club then?

You do not need friends, but they are good to have. As someone posted before, it is hard to get by in life alone. Eventually you will need someone's help.

I have friends, but I think a best or close friend is not necessary because so many people are untrustworthy and end up hurting me. So now I've learned that my family are my real friends.