A discussion I had with a friend the other night

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Joined: 20 Aug 2016
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,336
Location: Finland

29 Jan 2018, 11:08 am

I spent a moment contemplating whether I should post this here or into Love & Dating, since this is a topic that's closely related to both friendships and dating. But I hope my intuition is correct here.

Either way, first off, a tiny bit of background: I started my current studies just under six months ago after deciding to leave university. In that time, I've gotten rather friendly with a female colleague - she's basically the only person in the new school that I dare call a friend. Literally everyone else is just an acquaintance to me. I don't mind it, though. I've always put quality before quantity when it comes to making friends.

We've actually spent a fair amount of time together, and I've even visited her in her apartment on a couple of occasions. I genuinely enjoy her company, and she has a personality that I really admire. I can't say enough good things about her.

Now, the other night, I went out to a bar with a few colleagues - her included. She and I spent about 2 hours in there until we both left, leaving the rest of the gang to enjoy the rest of the night. As we walked to her apartment, she asked me quite the unexpected question, which evolved into what I think was a rather important discussion. Anyway, the question she asked me was if she was giving me the wrong kinds of signals.

While the question came as a surprise, I answered "no" without hesitation. I see her as nothing more than a friend - with her being 7 years my senior and taken, I have every reason to keep it at that. In a way, though, I can understand why she was afraid she was giving me the supposed "wrong signals".

From there, the discussion transitioned to a dilemma I had at one point. Back when I studied in university, I was oddly fixated on this one girl - not necessarily crushing on her, but simply thinking about her an awful lot. That may have had to do something with the fact that I owe my not ending up an outcast to her in a sense. But I did catch myself contemplating the possibility of me having a crush on her, even though I never actually did. I was stuck in that limbo for a very long while.

A similar scenario ended up happening with this new acquaintance, with the minor exception of me knowing I wasn't crushing on her. She's the only thing close to a friend I have in the new school anyway, and I'd hate to ruin a great platonic relationship with a love triangle.

My question to you, then, would be this: are fixations like that common with Aspies, especially with people of the opposite sex? Also, any ideas as to what sorts of circumstances may have brought her question about?

“They laugh at me because I'm different; I laugh at them because they're all the same.”
― Kurt Cobain