Becoming friends with non-autistic people

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GoodBlade
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08 Jul 2018, 12:59 pm

Well, you see... when people realize you have some kind of "disability", they treat and speak to you differently than others.
That's when you start to feel ashamed of who you are. It's a terrible feeling, I've been there.
Maybe it's better off to simply not talk about having an autism or aspergers with your friends, or people you meet?



HistoryGal
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08 Jul 2018, 3:46 pm

Whether you tell them or not, people figure there is something off......really no reason to bring it up and cause all kinds of awkward.



SophieTheWeirdo
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08 Jul 2018, 4:03 pm

Although I'm still waiting to find out if I have autism or not, my old 'friends' used to always treat me differently than how they'd treat each other. I don't know if it's because they knew I wasn't like them or if it was just because they knew I had depression. But when you think about it, most people will treat you differently no matter what mental or physical issues you may have. That's sadly just the way people are. I did, however, used to have a friend who didn't seem to care that I wasn't like the rest of them. She always hung out with me and made me feel comfortable and welcome. I really miss her :(

Anyway, as usual I kind of forgot what my point was, but I think what I'm trying to say is that it is possible to become friends with non-autistic people, but it's not always easy. There will always be someone wanting to be your friend though, even if it feels like there isn't :)


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GoodBlade
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09 Jul 2018, 1:37 am

HistoryGal wrote:
Whether you tell them or not, people figure there is something off......really no reason to bring it up and cause all kinds of awkward.

I agree, it's pointless to bring it up unless they specifically asked. But, how would they find out without me telling them? They could suspect there is a small problem, but nothing more than that.



kraftiekortie
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09 Jul 2018, 5:44 am

What if they find out that I’m actually the Wolfman?



HistoryGal
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09 Jul 2018, 8:43 am

In my case, people figure it out as I am obvious in some ways. Talking about it would just make everything weird. You're not diagnosed so no point in it.



Summer_Twilight
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09 Jul 2018, 9:24 am

It is possible and I am going to stop telling people because it's not their business. I would rather let people see that I am "Off" and maybe show them my talents on a portfolio.

However, it is possible to find people who don't treat you like you are less but you have to keep looking because they are hard to find.



HistoryGal
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09 Jul 2018, 9:38 am

That's right. Nobody's beeswax.



Magna
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09 Jul 2018, 10:53 am

I've often thought I must put off some sort of vibe that I can't identify. I'm cognizant of making eye contact when talking to people even though I don't want to. I'm also mindful to not talk in a monotone and instead, inflect my voice where appropriate, etc. I would consider myself to be an agreeable and friendly person. I'm not "creepy", "dark", etc.

In reality, I'm guessing that even though I do those things that NT people seem to need to see to feel comfortable, I'm probably not doing the things as effectively as one desires and therefore I probably seem just a tad "off"?

I have always been much more at ease talking to people that others might label as "misfits" as I certainly consider myself to be one. If someone is willing to converse and won't make eye contact with me. I could care less.

I had a hand injury a few years back and had a consult with a hand surgeon. Before my appointment I had talked to someone who had surgery performed by that surgeon. The person said the surgeon was superbly talented and the top in his field. I thought it was interesting that the person said the following though: "The one thing that's really odd about him though: be prepared when you talk to him that he will almost never make eye contact with you. I don't know why that is, but it really is different....."

I met with the surgeon and naturally thought nothing odd about his lack of eye contact. It didn't bother me one iota. He was a perfectly friendly and apt communicator.



MrMacPhisto
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12 Jul 2018, 2:20 am

My experience with Non-Autistic varies in the same way as my experience with Autistics.

I have friends and acquaintances who are Non-Autistics some know about me some don't, in fact, I would say some have figured me out. I have had a couple of experiences where people have randomly asked if I was on the Autistic Spectrum and at the time I thought I was masking it well.

I think we can become friends with a Non-Autistic person it just depends on the person, the understanding of the person and the maturity of the person.

The only really bad experience I had was where I used to work when the revelation came out about me being on the Spectrum one of the bosses changed their attitude towards me. She was nice and friendly and then went from nice and friendly to becoming a bully I had to leave the job over that after I left she got into a lot of trouble by the Manager.



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12 Jul 2018, 5:56 am

The thing about it is, even NTs have difficulty making friends sometimes.

Some people are more likely to avoid things that are different than what they consider "normal," and then there are other people are more open and accepting of differences. I mean this basic human instinct has been an influence for our current administration in the US. :D

If you're not what would be considered conventionally "normal" seek out the ones who are more open-minded. They're out there. And keep in mind that NTs have this issue too.


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mr_bigmouth_502
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12 Jul 2018, 6:41 am

I usually introduce myself before I let them know I'm autistic. By the time I tell them they're usually surprised.


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