Fitting in and belonging

Post Reply New Topic

This forum is my first foray into the virtual world of the interweb.. I may not be "doing it right." I think I don't belong even in this virtual space.

Just wondering if any of you felt out of place even in this forum. Advice is welcome, too. Thanks.

I always feel like I am fighting the out of place sensation. Some places more than others. It has become the way I feel my existence in the world. I don`t have the talent of making myself fit in but I do my best every time. It would feel completely unusual if I should feel otherwise all of a sudden, but it would be nice though.

Yes, the big issue with autism is that your strengths and weaknesses aren't related to another, as they are with normal people. So it is highly unlikely that you will ever find people similar to you.

Post 5000!

Ms.Berg,

Thank you for your input. When I realized I have the elements which make up AS, I felt bummed for days. That was almost a decade ago. Realizing that I will never be normal really sucked. But I have tried, just as you have, to try to fit in. It never works..but I try anyway.

BTDT,

Happy to hear I was part of your 5,000th post.

I guess there is no good news with regard to fitting in. I suppose Lao Tzu's advice in the Tao Teh Ching is very fitting for people with AS. Meaning, to take each day as it comes.

Thanks for your input.

In my opinion, no one really "belongs" here (except Alex and the Mod Squad) as much as this website promotes tolerance and inclusion.

It's the difference between being a member of a family and being allowed into that family's home as long as you behave.

Definitely, but I've stopped using the part of the forum completely where this was the strongest. Anyway, welcome to the forum! As long as you remember to follow the rules and mind your manners, you shouldn't have any major problems here... in theory anyway. If your opinions or experiences are too different from some people here, they might start personal attacks, but if [i]that[/i happens then just report them to the mods since that's not allowed.

I am an outsider as well and one thing I have noticed is that people tend in the group, club and other similar settings that I am "More than welcome" to join the group. Yet, I see them connecting and becoming close friends with each other. Sometimes, I hear and hear them making their plans right in front of me as if I am not there. Sometimes I end up in tears because I would like to be involved and get to know these people.

If I tell them they are snubbing me I am told, "I am overreacting" or "Taking things the wrong way." The other one that I get is "Well you're quirks make other people more uncomfortable. You're also too negative." "If only you improved your social skills more," or "You just don't know how to socialize."

If you are also an outsider, no one wants to come to your parties, social events, and gatherings. There are those stories where the outsider will invite the entire class to their birthday party and no one will come. In fact, I heard a few stories that hit the news of parents of an autistic child writes their heartbreaking stories on social media.

Summer_Twilight,

I've felt an outsider for almost as long as I can remember. Before I moved to the US I had a couple of friends who I felt connected to. Otherwise, it's been a feeling of "other" and "alien."

It's quite the feeling...

Anyway, thanks for your post.

I always feel out of place regardless of where I am. I don't seem to fit in anywhere.

Even on this forum I still feel out of place, at times I wonder whether there is a place for me or not. But I keep hoping that someday I can find a place where I feel like I'm home.

AquaineBay,

I hope the same for you.

Years ago an ex gave me a copy of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. Having read that book gave me much needed perspective on life at the time. Now, having read that book, I still find it tricky to follow some (or most) of his advice. Accepting life as it comes is simple, but not easy.

Thanks for your post.

I began feeling out of place when I was 10 which began with a group of snotty 11 and 12-year-olds at a summer program designed for tweens. Suddenly no one watched animated films because "They all watched those things a long time ago." The staff members all encouraged it.

I also felt out of place during my years in Jr. high because of I thought I was the only one who still liked Disney films while everyone else was into sports, teen magazines, current events. However, I tried my darndest to fit in by dressing and looking a certain way in school and discovering that Leonardo DiCaprio was my teen. Only problem is that I didn't have any other interests.

[/quote]
I began feeling out of place when I was 10 which began with a group of snotty 11 and 12-year-olds at a summer program designed for tweens. Suddenly no one watched animated films because "They all watched those things a long time ago." The staff members all encouraged it.

I also felt out of place during my years in Jr. high because of I thought I was the only one who still liked Disney films while everyone else was into sports, teen magazines, current events. However, I tried my darndest to fit in by dressing and looking a certain way in school and discovering that Leonardo DiCaprio was my teen. Only problem is that I didn't have any other interests.[/quote]

That's interesting. Your not fitting in is because of interests only, or is there something else?

I feel out of place because I don't have a common language with most people. I mean, there's a verbal dissonance in communication. I don't get the simplicity of people's communication...and I don't think they get my scatter-brained attempts at explaining myself.

I began feeling out of place when I was 10 which began with a group of snotty 11 and 12-year-olds at a summer program designed for tweens. Suddenly no one watched animated films because "They all watched those things a long time ago." The staff members all encouraged it.

I also felt out of place during my years in Jr. high because of I thought I was the only one who still liked Disney films while everyone else was into sports, teen magazines, current events. However, I tried my darndest to fit in by dressing and looking a certain way in school and discovering that Leonardo DiCaprio was my teen. Only problem is that I didn't have any other interests.[/quote]

That's interesting. Your not fitting in is because of interests only, or is there something else?

I feel out of place because I don't have a common language with most people. I mean, there's a verbal dissonance in communication. I don't get the simplicity of people's communication...and I don't think they get my scatter-brained attempts at explaining myself.[/quote]

Note: This topic made me cry by the way

1. Autistics/Aspies can be extraverts too and I am one of those, however, people reject me because I tend to be over the top. I am a talker and I tend to monopolize the conversation because I go into every detail. People think I am being rude and inconsiderate but I am trying to tell them the whole picture.
2. I have ADHD and would get really silly and hyper which would turn others off
3. People who have not been properly educated about autism don't know how to approach me because they think I might be too sensitive or blow up.

Summer_Twilight,

I'm sorry my post caused you to cry.

It breaks my heart to see how shallow people are and how cold they can be and why we are the brunt of their problems.