What do you do if you have no friends? None!

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AprilR
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25 Feb 2020, 8:45 am

I have friends, though i can't say i connect with them. I think i would prefer a caretaker rather than a friend. Friends are not reliable.



shortfatbalduglyman
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25 Feb 2020, 6:54 pm

Make friends

Or

Get used to being alone

Solitary hobbies

Whatever



Phoenix20
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28 Feb 2020, 3:38 am

Get high or get drunk or both!
People either like/accept you for you or they don't like you.
There is no point trying to buy friendships/popularity.



Mona Pereth
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28 Feb 2020, 3:27 pm

AprilR wrote:
I have friends, though i can't say i connect with them. I think i would prefer a caretaker rather than a friend. Friends are not reliable.

If you don't connect with them, then they aren't quite friends. Acquaintances or associates, maybe? Also, a CLOSE friend would be reliable, though not the same thing as a caretaker.


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AprilR
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28 Feb 2020, 3:30 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
AprilR wrote:
I have friends, though i can't say i connect with them. I think i would prefer a caretaker rather than a friend. Friends are not reliable.

If you don't connect with them, then they aren't quite friends. Acquaintances or associates, maybe? Also, a CLOSE friend would be reliable, though not the same thing as a caretaker.


I don't know, we used to meet quite often but then they sort of forgot about me. I have no idea if they were a friend or associate :? I used to act with them to be someone they would like so that's why i didn't feel like myself around them



blooiejagwa
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28 Feb 2020, 8:06 pm

My friend called me today and I didnt answer. I was driving. But do not want to call back. It has almost always been calls though she lives relatively close by .

seems fake if everything is just phone based..


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Mona Pereth
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28 Feb 2020, 9:20 pm

blooiejagwa wrote:
My friend called me today and I didnt answer. I was driving. But do not want to call back. It has almost always been calls though she lives relatively close by .

seems fake if everything is just phone based..

Doesn't seem that way to me necessarily.

Talking on the phone is just a whole lot easier than meeting in real life. To talk on the phone, you don't have to take a shower, wash your hair, or even get dressed, as well as not having to travel at all. (For many though not all women, this list of chores also includes putting on makeup and doing quite a bit more with their hair than just washing it.)

Does she have a job? If so, is her work schedule sufficiently compatible with your schedule that she could conveniently meet you after work? Even if it is, perhaps she might just be too tired after work for frequent in-person social activity of any kind?

Is there any reason to suspect that she might be on the autism spectrum too? (Birds of a feather flock together, so I would expect friends of an autistic person to be more likely than the average person to be autistic themselves.) If she is (and if she also has a job), then it is highly likely that she just feels too drained for any in-person social activity after work, especially if her job itself involves a lot of social interaction, or if she has a long commute to and from work.

On the other hand, as far as I can tell, even most NT's don't very often get together one-on-one with their friends, even their best friends, other than romantic partners or potential romantic partners. Generally, as far as I can tell, their in-person interaction with their friends occurs mostly in groups. At least this seems to be true here in NYC; perhaps customs may vary elsewhere.

When I was younger, it was common for people, especially women and girls, to spend a lot of time on the phone with their friends. I remember jokes about this too. ("Congratulations! You spent only 45 minutes on the phone instead of 4 hours!" "It was a wrong number.") These days, phone calls have to a large degree been replaced by text messages and social media.

To me, a phone call seems, at least, a whole lot more "real" than a text message.


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