How do you initiate contact with new people?

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wigglyspider
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07 Feb 2020, 1:29 pm

I've gotten really pretty good at talking to people in most settings, but one thing I don't know how to do is go up to someone and say hello. No idea what words to use, what tone of voice, nothing. Every friend I've ever made has approached me first. I want to learn how to make the first contact, does anyone have a good strategy? Details if you can.



Mona Pereth
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07 Feb 2020, 9:18 pm

wigglyspider wrote:
I've gotten really pretty good at talking to people in most settings, but one thing I don't know how to do is go up to someone and say hello. No idea what words to use, what tone of voice, nothing. Every friend I've ever made has approached me first. I want to learn how to make the first contact, does anyone have a good strategy? Details if you can.

A lot depends on the context in which you are trying to meet people. In what kind of setting would you like to begin learning to talk to people?


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wigglyspider
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08 Feb 2020, 4:30 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
wigglyspider wrote:
I've gotten really pretty good at talking to people in most settings, but one thing I don't know how to do is go up to someone and say hello. No idea what words to use, what tone of voice, nothing. Every friend I've ever made has approached me first. I want to learn how to make the first contact, does anyone have a good strategy? Details if you can.

A lot depends on the context in which you are trying to meet people. In what kind of setting would you like to begin learning to talk to people?


I guess like at parties, or work, or maybe conventions or festivals or something. I would say "school" but I'm out of school, but places like school. Loose gatherings where people who don't know each other are all in the same place for the same reason.

Also just.. anywhere, maybe? Just to talk to people. I guess in a lot of places, people just talk to random strangers, but I live in Seattle and we're famous for not doing that, lol. But if it's normal in some places, then it's something to consider.


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08 Feb 2020, 7:33 pm

Depends on you and how you are and whether you are looking for guys or women and wether it's because of sexual interest or just for making friends.

Most important - keep a good mood if you look at them. Towards women try eye contact. Toward guys as long as they are talking to you. A honest smile towards others can break the ice. Be aware that people on the spectrum do often really suck at nonverbal communication without realizing it.


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wigglyspider
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08 Feb 2020, 10:01 pm

Thank you extreme, that helps a lot actually. I have a romantic partner, so I'm just looking to talk to people platonically. I'm just afraid of a future where I lose friends and don't know how to make any new ones, you know? I think I could learn to do it, but I learn by watching people, and it's not something that's easy to watch people do, because people don't do it very often, nor do they do it in front of other people very much.


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09 Feb 2020, 6:43 am

wigglyspider wrote:
Thank you extreme, that helps a lot actually. I have a romantic partner, so I'm just looking to talk to people platonically.


OK, men are mostly sexual interested or not at all. If it comes to women it depends. Really important is to keep a good mood because people do sense your feelings because of their empathy and try to connect to the ones who show a good mood towards them only. A short eye contact at first sight shows that you care them. Stay positive towards them while doing it! Hope that you'll get their emotions towards you as they will sense your emetions towards them. Skip the ones who look negative or rejecting towards you. Interests that people share may connect them. Can be anything interesting that you and somebody else is aware of. A simple 'Did you see ...', 'Did you notice ...' or 'Just have a look at ...' because of something interesting around may start a conversation. Don't talk to long about the same thing. Some people on the spectrum are this way. For this change the theme after some time if something different enters your mind. Prevents you from becomming boring. Hope this helps you a bit.

For the guys here. It's nearly the same. But beside of talking want men only friends that they can rely on if it comes to trouble with other guys. Shaking hands is an important thing. Do it firmly without really 'shaking' and a honest eye contact. It tells the other that you are self-confident and won't be afraid to fight but that you want him to stand together. Keep a good mood during any eye contact as well.


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09 Feb 2020, 1:11 pm

You might begin by a little investigative work. Find out what their first name is. And when you greet them, greet them by name. That will help make the conversation personal.


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10 Feb 2020, 11:26 am

wigglyspider wrote:
I guess like at parties, or work, or maybe conventions or festivals or something. I would say "school" but I'm out of school, but places like school. Loose gatherings where people who don't know each other are all in the same place for the same reason.

Also just.. anywhere, maybe? Just to talk to people. I guess in a lot of places, people just talk to random strangers, but I live in Seattle and we're famous for not doing that, lol. But if it's normal in some places, then it's something to consider.

How I talk to people varies a lot depending on where I am and with whom. Some situations I can handle reasonably well, others I can't.

Where people are gathered together for a common purpose, I generally find it easiest to have conversations focused on the common purpose. I generally try to study up on the common purpose before I go, so I don't annoy people with stupid questions. I would suggest being armed with a list of questions that have not yet been answered by your preliminary study, and being prepared to ask some of those questions at opportune times, while also being prepared to answer at least some other questions that other people might ask.


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