Toxic positivity

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A member of my support group recently brought to my attention the concept of "toxic positivity." I hadn't heard that term before, so I googled it and found several articles including the following:

- Toxic Positivity and Its Impact on Our Mental Health by Caitlin Harper, My Wellbeing, January 11, 2021
- Toxic Positivity: Why Positive Vibes are Ruining You by Vanessa Van Edwards, Science of People, August 12, 2020

Of course it's good to avoid being overly negative, but the opposite extreme can be problematic too.

Among other problems, it can result in a lack of compassion. The first of the above two articles begins:

I'm familiar with the term, yes. It feels like my pain is being belittled when I try to talk about it and someone says "it'll be fine" and changes the subject or gets mad when I start listing the possibilities of what could go wrong etc. The worst I can remember was when I was waiting for a (dangerous) surgery at the age of 19 and my mom got mad if I doubted my survival and just kept repeating that it'd be fine... it eventually was since I'm now writing this, but to be fair, there were complications and the surgery lasted way longer than the doctors expected.

But you know, I'm pretty sure I'm guilty of it from time to time, too. It's not like I do that on purpose, most people probably don't, but I'd say it can be very hard to tell when someone views you as encouraging due to your positivism and when they view you as the exact opposite for the very same actions.

I believe the pressure to be happy all the time has its share in causing the epidemics of depression.
When you can't be with your sadness and other unpleasant feelings, they don't get sorted out and grow wild in the shadows.

I hope I'm not one who exhibits this trait......

Thanks, Magz

Different people respond differently to different kinds of expressions of caring when a person is unhappy, depressed, suffering loss.

There is no question that "being present" for someone suffering is important. At that point, a person most likely needs to be "heard" and also providing comfort such as listening, a cup of tea, whatever. And there is no question that each person needs to process their feelings in whatever manner they use.

But, when a person whines about a particular problem over and over again, over years, etc. I don't believe that listening and sympathy helps in those cases. It just becomes you enabling and becoming a part of the negative mind set of the complainer.

That said, I believe and have experienced the practice of choosing what my mind focusses on. My life has gotten better since I began to deliberately focus on the positive things in my life and giving less and less time and energy to the negative things.

I don't know if other people are faking being happy. That would be a different situation entirely. Any false expression of emotion would be harmful, I think.

Basically, there's nothing wrong with seeing things with the glass half-full, rather than half-empty.

I feel like many of us in the autistic community get the "toxic positivity" a lot. We always get the "it will be fine", "look on the bright side", "It'll get better". I'm fine with positivity but, only if there is some logical reasoning behind it and if it's appropriate. I think more people should put more reasoning behind their positivity instead of being positive "just for the sake of it".

Many "therapists" seem to use this "toxic positivity" a lot or attempt to teach it to people.

There's a lot of negativity "just for the sake of it," too.

We have to stamp out both types.

In life, I think we all will experience a range of different people.

I guess it is hard to get on with everyone.
I guess you just have to work out what type of people you prefer to be with and seek them out.
Hopefully doing so will make you happy, I guess the test of time is the best way to find out.

If, after time, you find that seeking out this type of people or experience does not bring you happiness or even contentedness (is there such a word), then I guess you will have a realisation of the flaws of that experience or type of people and will then change your opinion, perhaps move on to the next option.

Now, please don't misunderstand me, i am not telling "this is how life is" or "this is the solution to all your problems, just to this" or even "this is what you are going to do"

as such things are not known to me nor in my control, nor do i want them to be in my control

I just speculate
hope it helps

we are all in this world so all have the right to experience what we want
personally, i have been through more than my fair share of scrapes and bad / traumatic experiences
so any change would be an improvement, hard for things not to improve

i guess you may just not be into that sunny kind of disposition that some have
which is fair enough

life takes all sorts
and practically all are welcome

Thank you for bringing this up!! I feel like a staff member of my school is sometimes guilty of this, but without realising it.

You mean situations where people look at the silver lining behind every dark cloud? Being positive is fine as it's essential to your health and there are studies out there related to the brain malfunction and negativity. On the other hand, you do have people who can be too positive and tend to ignore things that are negative but important.

When I'm feeling like complete ca-ca, I always try to remind myself that things can always be much worse, no matter what the situation is

DIVAIR

That's why I'm a goth lol. We need to be able to talk about our sadness, grief, etc. Nobody is constantly happy and the world is not constantly benevolent. Sometimes you have to acknowledge that everything is not alright. I think many people unconsciously believe that if they ignore bad things, then they will simply go away. But forced positivity is just a voice telling you to "shut up and stop complaining" with a sweeter tone. Not that I think we should wallow in misery, but expressing negative emotions can be healthy if done in a constructive way.