Something I realised today about communication

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G.2.0
Butterfly
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Joined: 30 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 13

16 Jul 2021, 4:32 pm

I figured out something that might seem obvious to some but was kind of a big deal for me!

Context:
In the past, I've often had issues with flatmates not communicating their needs and then one day randomly accusing me of not doing this or that etc. Basically, expecting me to mind read because it's common sense. So, with that in mind, as I was cleaning this week, I decided to ask my landlady if she wanted me to clean the rest of the flat. Normally, I stick to my things as it's her house. She declined, saying she has her own way of doing things but she was happy I asked. And she's been making me cake. It's not my first time doing things for others but I usually wait until I'm asked or just do them out without advertising. I think the fact that I communicated "I'm here now and I can do this for you" is a shift from just doing something nice. It's setting a bridge of communication where I also got extra info (she prefers to do her own cleaning).

Super simple but quite effective, more cake for me :D


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Mountain Goat
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16 Jul 2021, 4:34 pm

Was it nice?



G.2.0
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 30 Jan 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 13

16 Jul 2021, 4:35 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
Was it nice?


very good :lol: :lol:


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Mona Pereth
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Location: New York City (Queens)

16 Jul 2021, 4:47 pm

G.2.0 wrote:
I figured out something that might seem obvious to some but was kind of a big deal for me!

Context:
In the past, I've often had issues with flatmates not communicating their needs and then one day randomly accusing me of not doing this or that etc. Basically, expecting me to mind read because it's common sense. So, with that in mind, as I was cleaning this week, I decided to ask my landlady if she wanted me to clean the rest of the flat. Normally, I stick to my things as it's her house. She declined, saying she has her own way of doing things but she was happy I asked. And she's been making me cake. It's not my first time doing things for others but I usually wait until I'm asked or just do them out without advertising. I think the fact that I communicated "I'm here now and I can do this for you" is a shift from just doing something nice. It's setting a bridge of communication where I also got extra info (she prefers to do her own cleaning).

Good idea. Asking shows that you care.


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Mona Pereth
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17 Jul 2021, 8:27 am

It's good that most people, in your experience so far, appreciate you asking.

Hopefully you won't run into too many people who either:

(1) say "no" when asked whether they want you to do them some particular favor, but then get offended when you take them at their word and don't do them the proposed favor, or

(2) get offended by the question, because they believe you should "just know" that you should do XYZ.

People who don't value straightforward communication, and who expect you to read their mind, are not good potential friends for an autistic person.

However, if the people in your life do appreciate being asked, that's good.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)