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QFT
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15 Nov 2021, 10:28 pm

Here are four examples where others did something in response to my wants/needs/complaining whatever the case might be. Yet I ended up not showing up see bolded notes. But they still did what they promised me they will do. So my wants/needs/complaining turned into a "public service" so to speak. A "volunteering" I might say, since I was not there to reap the benefits, LOL.

1) Few years ago in my Bible study group I asked how to reconcile physics with creation. The reason I asked is because one of the members that started that group was a physicist. In order to answer my question, he made it a topic of "lunchbox theology" for the next several weeks. But then due to my classes I didn't have time to come there. Yet others learned all about it, thanks to my question.

2) I was going to take a certain physics class. During the first lecture I asked if the exams are going to be open book or closed book. The professor was sort of put on the spot but she decided to think and decide. So she said they will be open book. One of the students thanked me. But then a couple of weeks later I decided I probably don't have time for that class since I need to work on the thesis. So I dropped that class. But since the professor already said the exams will be open book, I guess they will be. Thanks to me -- despite the fact that I dropped that class.

3) Few weeks ago I encouraged one of the leaders of the Bible study group to attend Messianic church. He was a mainline Christian so it was quite a bit of a success that he was actually willing to look into it. I told him the church I personally like to go to, and he decided to go there, and invited two of his friends. But then due to my studies I didn't have time to go there. Yet he was still going to the church that was my favorite, even though I wasn't there.

4) A week ago that Bible study group had a dinner. To put it mildly, it didn't go well. After the dinner was over, I was whining to the organizer whether or not it will be possible to mend it. And he said it might. I kept complaining I don't see how to do it since they don't talk to me on Bible studies so dinner was my only hope and they only have dinner once in a long time. He said he will consider arranging more regular dinners, although it was only an idea and not a promise of any kind. Well, a week later, lo and behold, he did start having regular dinners. But I decided not to show up partly because I am behind on my work and partly because it felt like a "pity friendship". Yet they will still have regular weekly dinners, thanks to me, even though I won't be there.

To sum it up: I should be thanked for

1) Many week worth of science vs creation course few years ago
2) The fact that the tests for a certain physics course are open book
3) The fact that somebody started attenting Messianic church and brought up two friends
4) The fact that my Bible study will now have weekly dinners

Yet, at the same time, I am not attending ANY of those things. So it is a totally self-less service: me helping people with things I won't attend. Yet it all started out from a very self-ish needs since I didn't know ahead of time I will decide not to attend those things. I think its pretty ironic if I look at it this way.



Fireblossom
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16 Nov 2021, 10:21 am

They're good things that you had a part in causing, sure, but since you originally did them for yourself, they can't be called selfless even though you didn't end up benefiting from them.

Then again, I tend to think that in cases like these, it's the results that are more relevant than the intentions.



QFT
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16 Nov 2021, 10:31 am

Fireblossom wrote:
They're good things that you had a part in causing, sure, but since you originally did them for yourself, they can't be called selfless


I know I wasn't selfless. I was just trying to point out the irony.

Speaking of selflessness, I wouldn't act selfless around them even if I could, cause more often than not I am angry at them for ostracizing me. So again it is a bit funny how I am doing them a service despite having zero intention to do it.

Have you ever studied catalysts in any of your chemistry classes? The way catalyst works is that it facilitates a reaction between two other chemicals and then it separates itself once the reaction is completted. Thats what I was in those four examples.



kraftiekortie
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16 Nov 2021, 11:07 am

It's the results that count....and you harmed nobody in the process.

You had, originally, a "selfish" motive---but, again, no harm was done. And some good for others was realized.

Now...if only you can make the next step, and have more altruistic motivations in the future.



QFT
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16 Nov 2021, 11:43 am

So I guess the principle that "it is impact rather than intention that matters" goes both ways. In the past I was saying that bad impact of my actions shouldn't count since I didn't have bad intentions, yet nobody agreed with me. Right now I am saying that good impact shouldn't count since I didn't have good intentions. Neither of you agrees either. So I guess the sum-total could, in principle, even out (I guess it doesn't because the number of cases aren't the same; thats why I say in principle). The situations when I have good intentions and bad impact is when my self-rating will be higher than your rating of me, and the situations when I have bad intentions yet good impact is when your rating of me will be higher than my self-rating. So its not me being narcissistic, I simply happen to have different philosophy.

However, on the bad side, I don't think they gave me credit for 1, 3 and 4 since I have bad reputation in that group. With regards to 3, I actually pointed it out to him that its the first time I brought *three* people (him and his two friends) closer to Messianic faith. But his response was that it wasn't me it was God that did it. I am wondering would he have said this if it was someone more popular who were to bring him to the Messianic church? I hate when Christians use God as an excuse in situations like that. It reminds me of them telling me "don't worry about it, just focus on the Lord" when I complain about social/relationship issues.

I did, however, receive credit for 2. But that is because it wasn't in that group that was a class. In fact, it wouldn't even occur to me to list it if it wasn't that girl that thanked me right after the professor said the exams would be open book. But, unfortunately, this was the only time I was ever thanked (or received any other positive attention for that matter). I wish there were more times like that.



kraftiekortie
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16 Nov 2021, 11:51 am

I believe good intentions which lead to bad outcomes should be acknowledged....although the person with good intentions should seek to reflect upon why the bad outcome occurred.



QFT
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16 Nov 2021, 12:11 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I believe good intentions which lead to bad outcomes should be acknowledged....


And in my case they weren't.

kraftiekortie wrote:
although the person with good intentions should seek to reflect upon why the bad outcome occurred.


Which is different from totally ostracizing someone the way I am getting ostracized.

If, instead of ostracizing me, people were to invite me to some self-reflection and/or give me a constructive criticism not to repeat my mistake in the future, I would be all for it.

But instead of doing any of those things they just stop talking to me, and that is what pisses me off.