Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

Not taking it as a compliment?

Page 4 of 4 [ 64 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4

Previous topic | Next topic

Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom

06 Dec 2021, 9:41 am

Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I am starting to think this Fnord guy is a troll.  That said understand though that from his point of view he's very protective of women.
Are you equating the support of women's rights with trollery?

Or are you simply attacking the messenger because you cannot refute the message?



listen I was in a bad mood when i typed that ok

probably should not have been so rude.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,887
Location: Stendec

06 Dec 2021, 9:45 am

Jamesy wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
I am starting to think this Fnord guy is a troll.  That said understand though that from his point of view he's very protective of women.
Are you equating the support of women's rights with trollery?  Or are you simply attacking the messenger because you cannot refute the message?
listen I was in a bad mood when i typed that ok probably should not have been so rude.
No, it is not okay.

You are (or should be) responsible for your own actions, no matter what your mood may be.



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1933
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,814
Location: wales

06 Dec 2021, 10:56 am

Well this is an interesting thread. The compliment on it's own isn't offensive unless you're saying someone looks ugly. Sometimes people look like well known public figures or celebs. One of my close friends looks exactly like a younger version of Holly Willoughby and I've told her......along with everyone else and it drives her potty. Mentioning it is just normal and instinctive and shouldn't be seen as insulting.

What they were probably more annoyed by is how you thrust yourself into a setting they didn't invite you into. That pub (assuming it was your regular pub) and alcohol doesn't seem like a healthy influence on your life. You should try some more laid back pursuits. Joining some sort of club for younger and more chilled out people will be better.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom

06 Dec 2021, 11:03 am

Nades wrote:
Well this is an interesting thread. The compliment on it's own isn't offensive unless you're saying someone looks ugly. Sometimes people look like well known public figures or celebs. One of my close friends looks exactly like a younger version of Holly Willoughby and I've told her......along with everyone else and it drives her potty. Mentioning it is just normal and instinctive and shouldn't be seen as insulting.

What they were probably more annoyed by is how you thrust yourself into a setting they didn't invite you into. That pub (assuming it was your regular pub) and alcohol doesn't seem like a healthy influence on your life. You should try some more laid back pursuits. Joining some sort of club for younger and more chilled out people will be better.



The pub I went to wasn't my regular one



mohsart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 741
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Dec 2021, 11:36 am

Let me get this straight.
You cannot interpret their blunt refusals since you have autism.
Yet you want them to be more polite.
It doesn't really compute, does it?

/Mats


_________________
Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 59,887
Location: Stendec

06 Dec 2021, 11:38 am

mohsart wrote:
... You cannot interpret their blunt refusals since you have autism.  Yet you want them to be more polite...
It sure seems like hypocritical behavior, does it not?



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1933
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,814
Location: wales

06 Dec 2021, 11:44 am

Jamesy wrote:
Nades wrote:
Well this is an interesting thread. The compliment on it's own isn't offensive unless you're saying someone looks ugly. Sometimes people look like well known public figures or celebs. One of my close friends looks exactly like a younger version of Holly Willoughby and I've told her......along with everyone else and it drives her potty. Mentioning it is just normal and instinctive and shouldn't be seen as insulting.

What they were probably more annoyed by is how you thrust yourself into a setting they didn't invite you into. That pub (assuming it was your regular pub) and alcohol doesn't seem like a healthy influence on your life. You should try some more laid back pursuits. Joining some sort of club for younger and more chilled out people will be better.



The pub I went to wasn't my regular one


I think pubs in general are not very good for you.



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom

06 Dec 2021, 11:46 am

Nades wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
Nades wrote:
Well this is an interesting thread. The compliment on it's own isn't offensive unless you're saying someone looks ugly. Sometimes people look like well known public figures or celebs. One of my close friends looks exactly like a younger version of Holly Willoughby and I've told her......along with everyone else and it drives her potty. Mentioning it is just normal and instinctive and shouldn't be seen as insulting.

What they were probably more annoyed by is how you thrust yourself into a setting they didn't invite you into. That pub (assuming it was your regular pub) and alcohol doesn't seem like a healthy influence on your life. You should try some more laid back pursuits. Joining some sort of club for younger and more chilled out people will be better.



The pub I went to wasn't my regular one


I think pubs in general are not very good for you.



my parents go to the pub to socalise



mohsart
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Feb 2020
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 741
Location: Southern Sweden

06 Dec 2021, 11:48 am

I think pubs in general are not very good for you.

/Mats


_________________
Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!


Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1933
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,814
Location: wales

06 Dec 2021, 12:26 pm

Your parents might go to pubs to socialise but I can't help but get the feeling you're like a fish out of water in them.

Are you able to travel around much by yourself too?



Jamesy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,020
Location: Near London United Kingdom

06 Dec 2021, 12:48 pm

Nades wrote:
Your parents might go to pubs to socialise but I can't help but get the feeling you're like a fish out of water in them.

Are you able to travel around much by yourself too?



I don't drive a car if that's what you mean



Nades
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Jan 2017
Age: 1933
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,814
Location: wales

06 Dec 2021, 1:04 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Nades wrote:
Your parents might go to pubs to socialise but I can't help but get the feeling you're like a fish out of water in them.

Are you able to travel around much by yourself too?



I don't drive a car if that's what you mean


Well can you use public transport well or alternatively afford a little motorbike?



OutUponATreeBranch
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 31 Dec 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 71

07 Dec 2021, 9:09 pm

A lot of things are not adding up for me based on what you told us, but you need to avoid this pub. Go somewhere else with your friend. People go to pubs to drink and try to get laid (occasionally to play cards, pool or music, but you're not there for that). How is someone with ASD supposed to fit into that equation?

Anyway, I have a feeling you'll have to learn the hard way, but it was worth a shot :)



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

07 Dec 2021, 9:37 pm

Why do I feel that James is a glutton for punishment?



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 64,361
Location: UK

08 Dec 2021, 1:51 pm

I can guess why. I used to think he was a troll but now I do believe that he struggles.

I remember when I was first diagnosed and the psychiatrist told me that sometimes there is a need for conflict resolution. I couldn't figure out what he meant at the time but as I've got older I get it.

I think James could probably make use of a conflict resolution intervention.


_________________
We have existence


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

08 Dec 2021, 2:12 pm

That.....and he should find another sort of place to hang out in.

If I continued to hang out in bars/pubs, I would have met the same people James meets, and probably would have been told the same things James is told.

It's the nature of bars/pubs----people looking for weakness in other people like a lion looks for a weakened impala on a hunt.