Can't find people my age who actually want to talk to me

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_cora_
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18 Jan 2022, 6:28 pm

Well, what a wonderful turn of events. I was supposed to be able to go to a social group for autistic teens, but there weren't enough people to have it. So, I'm forced to revert back to my life just being my computer and VR headset.
I can already feel history repeating itself, and there's not much I can do. I feel like I'm stuck in that negative depressive mode that I was last winter.
My mom said that I should go with her to church (even she probably won't go, or keep going, she doesn't fit in anywhere) but I don't want to go there because it will be extremely overwhelming and potentially embarrassing if someone from school sees me, because of course they'll just look at me like a weirdo instead of talking to me. And I just really don't want to go there because all the kids would be weird and sheltered, or they would try to tell me that God doesn't love me and s**t and it's scary and I don't want to go there.
I just wish I could go places without my mom acting like I'm crazy for wanting to socialize. And there won't be any kids that like me anywhere we go, and it's just overwhelming and really bad.
I just want friends my age, but all the other 14 year old girls talk like "DWADDY WADDY UWU <:) ><" *insert random uwu emojis here* and of course they don't say daddy but you get it. And eventually I get sick of it and start drama, then it turned out they had some underground server that I was never invited to because they detected I wasn't "one of them", they basically bothered me by ignoring me and acting weird and only liking me when I pretended, then when I got really mad at them they acted like they had done nothing wrong. And the girls at school stopped responding to my texts forever ago.
And if I ever made a friend online, it would probably turn out to be 40 year old Dave who lives in his mommy's basement and has never seen a real "female" in his life, who hides behind a cute profile pic and lying that he's 14. Never actually talked to one of these that I'm aware of, but they exist and I've got my eyes peeled.
So basically, how do I make friends? Ones that don't like Tiktok and that don't ignore my texts and requests to hang out.



kraftiekortie
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19 Jan 2022, 5:17 am

The best thing to do is keep yourself in both worlds, and tolerate all the superfluous crap that typical 14 year olds do. Yet continue doing your own stuff.

When I was 14, I had no friends at all. I know how you’re feeling.

Try not to start “drama.” It’ll cause more problems for you.

Not every kid will think you’re a weirdo if they see you in church. There are some nice kids in church. But….if you don’t feel like attending church, you shouldn’t have to.

I wish kids treated you better.



Mona Pereth
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19 Jan 2022, 6:11 am

_cora_ wrote:
So basically, how do I make friends? Ones that don't like Tiktok and that don't ignore my texts and requests to hang out.

What are your hobbies/interests, if any? (This might help us help you figure out how to find potential friends who share your interests.)


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_cora_
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19 Jan 2022, 12:33 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
_cora_ wrote:
So basically, how do I make friends? Ones that don't like Tiktok and that don't ignore my texts and requests to hang out.

What are your hobbies/interests, if any? (This might help us help you figure out how to find potential friends who share your interests.)


I don't even know what my interests are, it's mainly ships (which I understand is probably the most boring thing ever for other 14 year olds), I like gaming which is super common, but when I say gaming it's not like first person shooters or anything, I like to actually create content and games on different platforms, especially VR. But I'm a terrible coder, I'm more into designing environments and stories. But I don't want to play any boring games that I don't like just to get along with other people. And I write, but it's not writing I would share with anyone, as I can only write about one topic, everything else is boring.
Whenever I think about my hobbies, it's like I don't the mental capacity to pin them down. I spend the majority of my time thinking about how I will solve different problems, how to engage my Discord server (make them actually interested in talking to each other and me and coming to events) so most of my hobbies aren't too defined. But I think that's normal for my age.



Mona Pereth
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19 Jan 2022, 8:43 pm

_cora_ wrote:
I don't even know what my interests are, it's mainly ships (which I understand is probably the most boring thing ever for other 14 year olds),

.... For most other 14 year olds, but probably not all. If you look hard enough, you might be able to find (most likely online) some teen-age kids who share your interest in ships.

What form does your ships hobby take? For example, are you into building model ships, or just learning about ships, or do you and your family do a lot of travel via ship?

_cora_ wrote:
I like gaming which is super common, but when I say gaming it's not like first person shooters or anything, I like to actually create content and games on different platforms, especially VR. But I'm a terrible coder, I'm more into designing environments and stories. But I don't want to play any boring games that I don't like just to get along with other people.

If you can come up with an at least somewhat more specific description of the kinds of games you like, you might be able to find and team up with someone who shares your tastes but is better at coding. Then you could do the design and story writing while the other person does the coding?

In any case, more specific descriptions would help you find people who share your tastes.

Also I would suggest that you be open to friendship with kids who are a few years older or younger than yourself, rather than limiting yourself to kids who are exactly 14 years old. Autistic kids often develop in unusual ways, so your best potential friends might not be kids who are exactly your age.


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_cora_
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20 Jan 2022, 9:10 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
_cora_ wrote:
I don't even know what my interests are, it's mainly ships (which I understand is probably the most boring thing ever for other 14 year olds),

.... For most other 14 year olds, but probably not all. If you look hard enough, you might be able to find (most likely online) some teen-age kids who share your interest in ships.

What form does your ships hobby take? For example, are you into building model ships, or just learning about ships, or do you and your family do a lot of travel via ship?

_cora_ wrote:
I like gaming which is super common, but when I say gaming it's not like first person shooters or anything, I like to actually create content and games on different platforms, especially VR. But I'm a terrible coder, I'm more into designing environments and stories. But I don't want to play any boring games that I don't like just to get along with other people.

If you can come up with an at least somewhat more specific description of the kinds of games you like, you might be able to find and team up with someone who shares your tastes but is better at coding. Then you could do the design and story writing while the other person does the coding?

In any case, more specific descriptions would help you find people who share your tastes.

Also I would suggest that you be open to friendship with kids who are a few years older or younger than yourself, rather than limiting yourself to kids who are exactly 14 years old. Autistic kids often develop in unusual ways, so your best potential friends might not be kids who are exactly your age.


I think I may have found a solution. I'm going to try to find some online club near me so I can meet a friend there and then we can meet up irl! Of course I will be safe, with these Zoom clubs you have to register and they're usually hosted by some kind of organization (and I assume there's some way to check that you are who you say you are). I also am open to having friends of different ages, but I don't really want to make friends with anyone older than me because they act like I'm an innocent little baby and I hate it. I don't know for sure, though.
Most people who are good at coding are absolute jerks and they don't like me. I don't like the Internet for making friends because it's all a bunch of dudes who think they're cool.
Also with the ships, I mainly try to research them and write about them. That's become harder, though, as I've made my own ship characters



Mona Pereth
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29 Jan 2022, 11:50 pm

_cora_ wrote:
I think I may have found a solution. I'm going to try to find some online club near me so I can meet a friend there and then we can meet up irl! Of course I will be safe, with these Zoom clubs you have to register and they're usually hosted by some kind of organization (and I assume there's some way to check that you are who you say you are).

The organization might, or might not, check people's identities, depending on the org.

However, as for your personal safety, the most important thing is that when you do meet a kid in person, you meet in a public place, where there are other people around, e.g. in a diner or restaurant.

Another important safety precaution: Make sure your parents know where you are going and who you will be seeing (unless you have reason to distrust your parents).

_cora_ wrote:
I also am open to having friends of different ages, but I don't really want to make friends with anyone older than me because they act like I'm an innocent little baby and I hate it. I don't know for sure, though.

I'm sure that being treated like an "innocent little baby" is annoying. But please don't assume that all kids who are a few years older than you will treat you that way, even if most do.

_cora_ wrote:
Most people who are good at coding are absolute jerks and they don't like me.

I'm sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with most of the people you've known who are good at coding. But please don't assume all such people are absolute jerks and won't like you. People who are good at coding, like people with any other talent, have a variety of personalities.

More generally, I would suggest that you just look for people who share one or more of your interests, with whom there are things you can enjoy doing or talking about. I would suggest that you not be too fussy about other aspects of who they are, beyond just being nice, well-behaved people who like you.

Try not to jump to conclusions about people. For example, try to avoid over-generalizations like the following:

_cora_ wrote:
I don't like the Internet for making friends because it's all a bunch of dudes who think they're cool.

There are many, many other people on the Internet besides "a bunch of dudes who think they're cool." There are lots of different kinds of Internet venues out there, for lots of different kinds of people. Your problem is finding the right places for you.

_cora_ wrote:
Also with the ships, I mainly try to research them and write about them. That's become harder, though, as I've made my own ship characters

I'm sure, if you look hard enough, you can find other people interested in games involving ships.


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