My dad says I'm not allowed to have crushes

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Sweetleaf
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08 Jan 2022, 3:15 am

Fireblossom wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
txfz1 wrote:
Since you taken a hyperbolical joke and . . .
Threatening to use a firearm in a hypothetical situation stopped being a joke since mass murders became popular.


Only in your "reality".


From what I've seen, it's still a widely used joke, especially in those situations. Pretty popular even here in Finland where gun laws are a lot stricter than in the USA.

Bad joke if you ask me, but widely used and commonly known.


Still it is a bad joke for a reason.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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08 Jan 2022, 6:50 am

Crushes could be involuntary natural or subconscious

If 16 too young for a crush, what's the age quota?



Mona Pereth
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08 Jan 2022, 10:48 pm

Fnord wrote:
My mother used to say that a crush was the state of being in love with the idea of being in love.

Interesting way of looking at it. I think that's true to an extent.

I think of a crush as the state of being in love, not with the actual person, but with an image of the person that one holds in one's head. In my experience, when people have had crushes on me, they were usually people who didn't know me well at all, and who had no idea whatsoever about those aspects of my life, personality, interests, values, etc. that were central to my own self-concept and that would be most crucial in determining whether the other person and I might be compatible.

I think a lot of people's ideas and feelings about romantic love, including crushes, are influenced by the movies, which are utterly unrealistic. For example, the average movie is only an hour and a half to two hours long, which is just not enough time to show a relationship develop in any reasonable way.

I suppose a crush can be harmless if the person who has it recognizes it as just a fantasy and does not confuse it with actual love for the actual person.

But, personally, I really do think it's best, if possible, to nip a crush in the bud by turning one's attention to other things. It's highly unlikely that the person you have a crush on will also have a crush on you. So, to allow a crush to fester is to set oneself up for heartbreak.


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Fireblossom
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09 Jan 2022, 7:24 am

Mona Pereth wrote:
But, personally, I really do think it's best, if possible, to nip a crush in the bud by turning one's attention to other things. It's highly unlikely that the person you have a crush on will also have a crush on you. So, to allow a crush to fester is to set oneself up for heartbreak.


Or ask the person on a date in order to actually get to know them. Knowing them for real could kill the crush or, if the person says no, it'll be easier to let go (probably.)



arianekh
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10 Jan 2022, 8:28 am

Of course you can have crushes, you know this, you will and it can be fun. Your dad's point about studies however is correct, a crush will be fleeting, but grades will be with you throughout your life and so it will benefit you to focus and minimize distractions. We struggle enough without complicating our lives. Whilst your dad is right about studies, do also keep in mind the line between what is best for you and control. I don't know, but perhaps he still sees you as younger than you are, perhaps he always will, the line may then start to blur between him trying to protect you and him trying to control you, so communication is key.


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kraftiekortie
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10 Jan 2022, 5:45 pm

Is a “crush” exactly the same as a boyfriend in your culture?



skrish234
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13 Jan 2022, 1:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Is a “crush” exactly the same as a boyfriend in your culture?


Yeah basically. I can't explain to my dad that it isn't the same as dating, because he ends up lecturing me.



hurtloam
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13 Jan 2022, 1:13 pm

skrish234 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Is a “crush” exactly the same as a boyfriend in your culture?


Yeah basically. I can't explain to my dad that it isn't the same as dating, because he ends up lecturing me.


Ah, I see. Better not to tell him about it then. If he doesn't want to understand, he won't no matter how you try and phrase it.

Just tell him, yes you won't be dating anyone right now at school and he'll drop it.

You'll probably still develop feelings for guys though. It's just how it is.

Are you allowed to hang out in mixed groups? It's good to learn to communicate with other teens when you're in school without the pressure of dating anyway. Makes it less scary to talk to a guy when you like him because you're used to talking to guys.

My friend has a friend who had really strict parents growing up in America. She's in her 30s now and still too scared to speak to guys. Better to learn how to make casual conversation when you're young or it will turn into something that makes you more anxious than it needs to be.



skrish234
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14 Jan 2022, 4:52 pm

Yeah I'm friends with guys. My dad is a little strict on that though.



Helen639
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06 Feb 2022, 2:12 am

Hmmm...your dad is being over-protective. Having a crush is more or less harmless. Having a sexual relationship is a different story and will lead to more distractions, especially if you are young. Just be careful and perhaps discuss how you feel with your dad. Maybe he will change his mind. :heart:



Jo From the Batcave
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08 Feb 2022, 4:28 pm

Oh goodness! My dad always said no boys (let's just say he got his wish) and when he found out abou my first boyfriend, he was mad. So I get where you come from. I am not allowed to have sleep overs with any girl (even if they're just a friend) that i have complimented. It's stupid. And ABSOLUTLY no boy/me sleepovers. I feel bad for you. Being a person whos special interest is mental health, I can say that "no crushes" is the most USELESS thing to say.