Is it OK to not chat to the hairdresser?

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Joe90
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13 Jun 2022, 10:54 am

I am a sociable person but I only chat to people I know well and feel comfortable with. If a stranger chats to me first then I'll chat back of course, but I'm not the sort to ask them questions about themselves. That's probably my weakest social skill at the best of times, let alone to a stranger! I know the cue of when I should ask which question but I still can't seem to bring myself to ask, in the hope that they'll just automatically tell me, but sometimes they don't. They're actually wanting you to ask. I understand how and why that works, so it's something I need to work on.

There are other reasons why I tend to sit silently when I'm getting my hair cut (unless I'm spoken to), like my voice is usually a mumble and can't always be heard over the noise of the hairdryers, and I can't always hear them either due to my hearing not being very strong, and also I tend to go into relax mode when I'm having my hair cut, as it feels so relaxing like a massage.


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13 Jun 2022, 1:43 pm

As a response to KitLilys last post:

Suggestion of what I might say to someone , whom is being intrusive in a conversation,,that I don’t know….very well
……..


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13 Jun 2022, 1:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I know the cue of when I should ask which question but I still can't seem to bring myself to ask, in the hope that they'll just automatically tell me, but sometimes they don't. They're actually wanting you to ask. I understand how and why that works, so it's something I need to work on.


A bit off topic here ... A while back I had a doctor's appointment. The nurse tells me to take off my shoes and hop on the table. She then notices I'm wearing Bombas socks and starts asking me questions about them. That got me thinking -- why are some people (like the nurse) wired to start a conversation about something as innocuous as a pair of socks, while others (like me) would never even think to view that as a way to start a conversation?



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13 Jun 2022, 2:53 pm

Minuteman wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
I know the cue of when I should ask which question but I still can't seem to bring myself to ask, in the hope that they'll just automatically tell me, but sometimes they don't. They're actually wanting you to ask. I understand how and why that works, so it's something I need to work on.


A bit off topic here ... A while back I had a doctor's appointment. The nurse tells me to take off my shoes and hop on the table. She then notices I'm wearing Bombas socks and starts asking me questions about them. That got me thinking -- why are some people (like the nurse) wired to start a conversation about something as innocuous as a pair of socks, while others (like me) would never even think to view that as a way to start a conversation?


Kinda answered your own question ? Difference in wiring . But trying to learn to adapt to the differences , helps a person deal with , other weird things said . By people wired differently . I think .


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20 Jun 2022, 3:20 am

Yes, I don't necessarily chat to mine too much.



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20 Jun 2022, 8:39 am

Interesting question. I understand that it would be strange if it was just totally silent in the beginning but I think the moment when they start cutting the hair it SHOULD be natural for the client to just sit there quiet with no personal questions like "what do you do for living?". To me, that's way too personal but everyone ask about that or "are you having a day off?" I just wanna say mind your own business, but I know they ask to just be social.


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KitLily
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21 Jun 2022, 6:40 am

What I used to hate was:
'Are you going out tonight?'

No. I'm a quiet introvert, I just want my hair cut, I'm not getting it done for a special occasion.

But they don't seem to ask that anymore thank goodness.


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cyberdad
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21 Jun 2022, 7:01 am

This seems to be a female thing, Most males don't talk to their hairdresser. I don't.



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21 Jun 2022, 8:41 am

A woman cuts mine and she works from a room next to her house. We do chat but not all the time. Her workspace is in a room around the corner from the waiting room, so people waiting can't hear what we say while she cuts my hair. We just chat about random stuff without going into too much detail.


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kraftiekortie
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21 Jun 2022, 9:25 am

There are times when I talk to the person cutting my hair. It's more likely that I will chat if the haircutter is female.



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21 Jun 2022, 8:38 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
There are times when I talk to the person cutting my hair. It's more likely that I will chat if the haircutter is female.


I once went to a random hair salon about 10 years ago and the young female hairdresser was really friendly, we chatted a lot, and plus did a really good job, I felt really comfortable with her. So I got her business card. A couple of months later I booked her and came in for my appointment. Turns out she wasn't there but would be in later in the week. I said I wasn't in a hurry so I'll re-book. Came in at the end of the week and again she didn't turn up but a guy (I think he was salon manager?) said he would cut my hair. I said "no sweat" shrugged my shoulders, it was ok, made no difference,

After the haircut I asked the dude if the girl I originally booked still worked for them ( I was keen to have a regular hairdresser) and he admitted she did. Something was amiss and I asked him if everything was ok with her? He then told me that normally male clients don't re-book with the same female hairdresser and so the girl who originally cut my hair thought I was some type of old creepy man. So she switched her hours to avoid seeing me (true story).

My jaw dropped! yes it didn't escape my attention she was easy on the eyes and I'll admit she was really good at making me relaxed when she ran her fingers through my hair, but...it was just a professional arrangement and the girl had a business card. After that I refuse to ever talk to my hairdressers at all and just take any hairdresser available.



Joe90
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21 Jun 2022, 8:57 pm

^That isn't right, the female hairdresser overreacted a bit there and didn't seem to see the obvious that you were friendly and were impressed with the job she had done. It is her job after all. If I were you I would have made an allegation against them and shamed them because that is not how you treat a customer.


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cyberdad
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21 Jun 2022, 9:17 pm

Joe90 wrote:
If I were you I would have made an allegation against them and shamed them because that is not how you treat a customer.


And worse, they made me feel like a creep even though clients are normally encouraged to return business. And it's not like I have a choice anyway, There are no more male hairdressers anymore in the area I live. The dude who cut my hair doesn't normally work in that salon.



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22 Jun 2022, 6:25 am

cyberdad wrote:
This seems to be a female thing, Most males don't talk to their hairdresser. I don't.


That's the problem with being a female autist/introvert/socially awkward. Women are supposed to be friendly, chatty, pleasing. If we aren't, we're seen as weird/snooty/unfriendly or something. I'm not sure why we can't just be ourselves.


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KitLily
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22 Jun 2022, 6:28 am

cyberdad wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
There are times when I talk to the person cutting my hair. It's more likely that I will chat if the haircutter is female.


I once went to a random hair salon about 10 years ago and the young female hairdresser was really friendly, we chatted a lot, and plus did a really good job, I felt really comfortable with her. So I got her business card. A couple of months later I booked her and came in for my appointment. Turns out she wasn't there but would be in later in the week. I said I wasn't in a hurry so I'll re-book. Came in at the end of the week and again she didn't turn up but a guy (I think he was salon manager?) said he would cut my hair. I said "no sweat" shrugged my shoulders, it was ok, made no difference,

After the haircut I asked the dude if the girl I originally booked still worked for them ( I was keen to have a regular hairdresser) and he admitted she did. Something was amiss and I asked him if everything was ok with her? He then told me that normally male clients don't re-book with the same female hairdresser and so the girl who originally cut my hair thought I was some type of old creepy man. So she switched her hours to avoid seeing me (true story).

My jaw dropped! yes it didn't escape my attention she was easy on the eyes and I'll admit she was really good at making me relaxed when she ran her fingers through my hair, but...it was just a professional arrangement and the girl had a business card. After that I refuse to ever talk to my hairdressers at all and just take any hairdresser available.


Sounds to me like she'd had one or more bad experiences with men in the past, especially if she was young and very pretty. We all have bad experiences with men and it gets wearing and tiring. So it probably wasn't you personally, just that she was nervous of men.

Not nice for you though! Sorry that happened to you.


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Joe90
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22 Jun 2022, 7:48 am

I was going to say that she shouldn't really be in a job where she's bound to come into close contact with men, but then I understand that a lot of people don't always choose to stay in the jobs they're in, they're just there because they like the familiarity and don't have the motivation to look for a different job and they need the money. I've been in that situation before.

But it's still hurtful for male customers who don't know the reasons behind why she wouldn't want the same male customer twice. It can't always be avoided anyway, she may run into the same male customer again.

I've never been abused by men before, but I feel sorry for men because it seems they can't even breathe without being accused of being "creepy". :roll:

I'm glad I'm not a man sometimes.


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