Do you think this is true (not for everyone)?

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Joe90
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16 Jun 2022, 10:54 am

I don't mean there's a rule or that it's the same for all Aspies, but I have noticed a pattern in my 12 years of being a member on this board.

Males on the spectrum = more likely to have friends, more likely to struggle finding/keeping a romantic relationship

Females on the spectrum = more likely to find/keep a romantic relationship, more likely to struggle with making friends

It just seems quite common here. The L&D section is usually full of lonely Aspie guys wanting a girlfriend, while a lot of women here seem to be married or in a relationship, but a lot of threads in this section are frustrated women feeling lonely (as in lacking friends).

I know Aspie guys are probably less likely to have friends than their NT peers. But it seems harder for Aspie women to make friends but easier for Aspie women to find love than it does for Aspie guys.

For example, I am useless at making friends even though my social skills aren't that poor, but meeting a date is a piece of cake, and I don't find being in a long-term relationship hard or exhausting or confusing at all.

I wonder why this is? Is it because there's more pressure on women when it comes to finding friends but more pressure on men when it comes to asking a girl out on a date?


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Where_am_I
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16 Jun 2022, 11:23 am

No, I likely fit into the male category. Only difference is I've never had trouble getting dates.


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klanka
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16 Jun 2022, 11:42 am

Men can be friends because of shared interests.
There's no minefield to navigate usually.



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2022, 11:52 am

I'm an anomaly. It took a long time to make female friends. But I have a core group of female friends who are, shall we say, quirky.

We didn't so much bond over mutual interests, bit more that we have varied interests and like visiting interesting places. If one of us is keen to go somewhere the others will tag along too. A band we've never heard of or a play or museum exhibition. We like experiences rather than gossiping.

All of us are single. We don't seem to fit the mould of what a man wants and we like to do our own thing. Possibly all of us are quite opinionated.

We all looked for romance, but mostly got used and discarded.



shortfatbalduglyman
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16 Jun 2022, 12:01 pm

the posters on Wrong Planet not necessarily a representative sample of autistics.

not everyone on Wrong Planet posted how many friends and romantic relationships they had.

not everyone defines "friend" and "romantic relationship" the same way.

not all posts, factually accurate

sometimes someone exaggerates the number of friends and romantic relationships they have, because they want admiration.

sometimes someone minimizes the number of friends and romantic relationships they have, because they want pity

exaggeration for emphasis

my worthless corpse has zero "friends" and zero romantic relationships.

zero romantic relationships has been throughout my "life", 39.

pregnancy after 35 defined "geriatric pregnancy" in medicine.

once in a while, had one or @ most a couple precious lil "friends".

in 2004, when i started Gender Therapy, a bunch of precious lil "friends" had the nerve to tell me that "it is lying for you to ask me to call you 'he' instead of 'she' ".

Equal Employment Opportunity Commission not until 2012, so I could not point to any laws (although I attempted researching laws.)

Plenty of precious lil "people" act all (buddy-buddy), but the moment they think I made a wrong or bad statement, they act like (incite a riot). then they act like i invented the solar system's worst felony. they act like they have never done anything wrong before in their lives and "the meaning of 'life' is 'helping people' ".

Sooner or later, I will make bad and wrong statements, because I am not perfect. Furthermore, I am not awesome in any way or good at anything, either. However, nobody is perfect, and there is no such thing as perfection.

(1) Did I do it?

sometimes, it appears that i did something, but i did not do it. for example, a couple months ago, the Greeter (at work) told me that i put in the carts the wrong way. it appeared that i did that, because at the time, i was the only Lot Attendant on duty. however, someone else put the carts there. even though the lobby was on videotape, i had zero access to the videotape, so as usual, there was nothing i could do about it. (@ least, nothing that would have been worth the effort.)

that is just one simple example. there are plenty of other examples, but the (main idea) is that the Plaintiff/Petitioner accused me of doing something that I did not do, and failed to be receptive to my reaction.

(2) Is it good or bad?

Not all impacts: immediate, obvious, physical or visible.

sometimes something appears good and it ends up bad. and vice versa.

(3) What is the correct reaction?

even if my statement/action is bad/wrong, frequently precious lil "people" totally overreact. for example, an "instructor" told every customer to do a "breathing exercise". my "breathing exercise" was The Litterbox. the next lesson, the "instructor" told me that he talked to the head "instructor", and that my "breathing exercise" was "disrespectful", and "if you are going to be like that, do not come back.".

first of all, you can't measure "respect". anyone could correctly claim anything is "disrespectful", and they always have the (moral high road). a panhandler was barking at some drivers that failed to give him cash. the panhandler could correctly claim that it was disrespectful for them not to give him cash. if someone were to have given him cash, he could've claimed that it was not enough cash. and et cetera. (in the case of my former "instructor", maybe it was "disrespectful" for him to go gossip to the head "instructor" behind my back.)

second of all, the "instructor" and head "instructor" made some actions/statements that i found "disrespectful", but i could not do anything about it.

third of all, (maybe) i think that getting permanently banned based on the Litterbox Incident was totally out of proportion.

fourth of all, the Plaintiff does not go against the Defendant's back and talk to the judge, and then tell the Defendant what the Judge (allegedly) said. the head "instructor" could have said anything.

the head "instructor" does/did not care about anyone except herself, and her cash. the head "instructor" could at least have written me a letter, so something is official. "grapevine" is not always the best method of communication.

________________________________________________________________________________

but, of course, the head instructor could get away with doing anything, legal or illegal, and, unless a customer wins a civil lawsuit, nobody can do anything about it.

______________________________________________________________________________

Precious lil "people" refuse to, (please), put more emphasis on the things they did wrong, according to my standards; and less emphasis on what i did wrong, according to their standards.
_________________________________________________________________________

some precious lil "people" are just not worth the energy it takes to interact with them.



klanka
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16 Jun 2022, 12:27 pm

If women with autism find it difficult to find female friends, and men with autism find it difficult to find female 'friends'.

Then going to the logical conclusion, women must really like to be around people who show signs of autism


Anyone care to guess why autism symptoms are so popular among women? Anyone experienced jealousy from NT's because of this?



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2022, 12:32 pm

klanka wrote:
If women with autism find it difficult to find female friends, and men with autism find it difficult to find female 'friends'.

Then going to the logical conclusion, women must really like to be around people who show signs of autism


Anyone care to guess why autism symptoms are so popular among women? Anyone experienced jealousy from NT's because of this?


Surely that means the opposite true? NT women are put off by autistic characteristics. They don't want to be friends with autistic women, nor livers with autistic men.



klanka
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16 Jun 2022, 12:35 pm

hurtloam wrote:
klanka wrote:
If women with autism find it difficult to find female friends, and men with autism find it difficult to find female 'friends'.

Then going to the logical conclusion, women must really like to be around people who show signs of autism


Anyone care to guess why autism symptoms are so popular among women? Anyone experienced jealousy from NT's because of this?


Surely that means the opposite true? NT women are put off by autistic characteristics. They don't want to be friends with autistic women, nor livers with autistic men.

I twisted it on the last two paragraphs to be sarcastic humour.



hurtloam
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16 Jun 2022, 12:53 pm

klanka wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
klanka wrote:
If women with autism find it difficult to find female friends, and men with autism find it difficult to find female 'friends'.

Then going to the logical conclusion, women must really like to be around people who show signs of autism


Anyone care to guess why autism symptoms are so popular among women? Anyone experienced jealousy from NT's because of this?


Surely that means the opposite true? NT women are put off by autistic characteristics. They don't want to be friends with autistic women, nor livers with autistic men.

I twisted it on the last two paragraphs to be sarcastic humour.


Oh I thought you just a bit loopy lol
r/whoosh



klanka
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16 Jun 2022, 12:58 pm

I don't deny being loopy



mohsart
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16 Jun 2022, 1:02 pm

As for relationships, I think it may have to do with the social norm that the guy is supposed to ask the gal out.

/Mats


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QFT
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16 Jun 2022, 1:15 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Males on the spectrum = more likely to have friends, more likely to struggle finding/keeping a romantic relationship

Females on the spectrum = more likely to find/keep a romantic relationship, more likely to struggle with making friends


I have extreme trouble with BOTH. If only I could be successful in one of these two things, maybe I won't be so bitter.



Joe90
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16 Jun 2022, 1:40 pm

I'm aware that a lot of autistics have difficulties in both or neither. Also I think having difficulties with both could be down to autism severity and co-morbids.

But I think relationships are easier for some autistic women than they are for a lot of autistic men.

Also at high school I think friendships are easier for autistic boys. I'm aware that a lot of autistic boys don't care for friends at school, but I'm talking about the ones who do want friends. Socially awkward or geeky boys that dislike sports tend to form a group of their own and so autistic boys who desire friendships will look for those groups and have more chance of being accepted by the group. Also it's more socially acceptable for boys to be silly and muck about, so this can disguise social immaturity in some boys.

Girls, however, are much more complicated, and it's more common in autistic girls to desire friendships than it is for autistic boys. And if a girl is an outcast or whatever, she may want to hide it by being bitchy, rather than forming a group with other outcasts and accepting their differences. And girls are under more pressure to be mature. In high school us girls had to stand around gossiping while boys still seemed to get to play. It was actually socially unacceptable for girls to climb the climbing-frame at high school. Once I did, and a boy came along and called me an f-ing freak.

Again, I'm not speaking for every autistic person.


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Earthbound_Alien
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16 Jun 2022, 1:47 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I don't mean there's a rule or that it's the same for all Aspies, but I have noticed a pattern in my 12 years of being a member on this board.

Males on the spectrum = more likely to have friends, more likely to struggle finding/keeping a romantic relationship

Females on the spectrum = more likely to find/keep a romantic relationship, more likely to struggle with making friends

It just seems quite common here. The L&D section is usually full of lonely Aspie guys wanting a girlfriend, while a lot of women here seem to be married or in a relationship, but a lot of threads in this section are frustrated women feeling lonely (as in lacking friends).

I know Aspie guys are probably less likely to have friends than their NT peers. But it seems harder for Aspie women to make friends but easier for Aspie women to find love than it does for Aspie guys.

For example, I am useless at making friends even though my social skills aren't that poor, but meeting a date is a piece of cake, and I don't find being in a long-term relationship hard or exhausting or confusing at all.

I wonder why this is? Is it because there's more pressure on women when it comes to finding friends but more pressure on men when it comes to asking a girl out on a date?



its cause you can show them the hot stuff....

im not bothered by friendship



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16 Jun 2022, 1:48 pm

we do the sexy....

but when the everyday comes about *ahem*



Earthbound_Alien
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16 Jun 2022, 1:53 pm

[]quote="Joe90"]I'm aware that a lot of autistics have difficulties in both or neither. Also I think having difficulties with both could be down to autism severity and co-morbids.

But I think relationships are easier for some autistic women than they are for a lot of autistic men. [/quote]

no its a struggle trying to be normal.


Quote:



Girls, however, are much more complicated, and it's more common in autistic girls to desire friendships than it is for autistic boys. And if a girl is an outcast or whatever, she may want to hide it by being bitchy, rather than forming a group with other outcasts and accepting their differences. And girls are under more pressure to be mature. In high school us girls had to stand around gossiping while boys still seemed to get to play. It was actually socially unacceptable for girls to climb the climbing-frame at high school. Once I did, and a boy came along and called me an f-ing freak.



no

and the boys liked me, the girls didnt

Quote:

Again, I'm not speaking for every autistic person.


i know