How to get on with Neurotypicals

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Most ppl don't like being corrected.

I think it's really hard to generalise about neurotypicals, just as it is about people with autism. I'm neurotypical but I certainly don't get along with all other neurotypicals. We don't all interact in the same ways, and even a single individual will vary their interactions depending on a whole range of factors.

I've taught, worked with and socialised with many people with autism as well as neurotypicals and I have a background in linguistics, so I've had a lot of opportunities to observe and think about these kinds of interactions. I'm not sure whether my neurotypical perspectives are useful to anyone in this discussion, but if you want to ask me anything, feel free.

Last edited by jennyishere on 22 Mar 2023, 6:15 am, edited 1 time in total.

Not intending to criticise, but speaking generally about the title of this thread and similar threads, that one assumes that others one meets are neurotypicals and classes all who one may seem "Normal" (If that is the word to use for nerotypicals) as being nerotypical when a certain percentage will be on the spectrum (Though one may get only around half of those on the spectrum tollerating the same enviroment).

I recall hearing a TED talk when a professor of psycology who specialized in autism say that the official figures that countries put out are wrong because he went from place to place around the world, and using local psycologists to assess, they would gather a random amount of people to assess them as part of his studies (They would try to assess a large number of people so they could get accurate results so we are looking at a minimum of over 100 but more like a few thousand if they could). What he found out was that no matter where he was in the world, and no matter which tribes or races of people that were assessed, be they wealthy or poor countries, the results always averaged at 6%, with some countries being just below 6 and some just above, but so close to 6% that it puzzled him why? (As there had been theories that the western world enviroment was the cause to autism).
He also stated that the "Official figures" which he claimed to be highly inaccurate were between 0.5% and 2.5% depending if one lived in a developed country with good healthcare and a country with poor access to healthcare, and he could judge which countries had the best mental healthcare who had the highest percentage results! But he said the reason why countries never reached this 6% is that itwas only the patients who were having the most difficulties and had some professional point the way to the possibility of autism that were assessed. He said if everyone was assessed it would be 6% thathad enough traits to be on the spectrum regardless of where in the world one would be.

So when one assumes that one may be one of the few who are on the spectrum out there, one may find others who can mask and never even know they are out there!

Why not ask an actual NT? Moi!

The less weird stuff you do the more likely you get on. Simple as that.

Yes. I've discovered that. Even if I correct them in the nicest, kindest, most helpful way, they can take offence.

e.g. this guy posted that he was obsessed with two characters in a show and couldn't get them out of his head.

I replied something like: 'don't worry about that too much, I get obsessed with characters too. The best way to deal with them is write about them until you've got them out of your system, or you haven't, in which case you could just keep writing about them.'

He took offence

I guess it is hard, but I'm floundering so badly in life that I've made myself a list of rules which seem to help me get along with people.

Yes maybe I mean 'how to get on with *people*' when I say *neurotypicals*.

I've just made a list of things which I've found to help me get along with people in life. Maybe it's just me, not anyone else. Maybe it's just where I live.

Define 'weird' please. Because I have no idea what 'weird' is in life. I just go along as I am and get stared at/ gossiped about/ excluded.

I'm not a murderer/ rapist/ abuser etc. I'm just a person, generally kind and helpful to others. So what am I doing that is weird?

For, I have learned how to have conversations with them but I often don't connect with them to the point that we become close besties.

A lot of them don't know how to communicate and nor do they know how to accept me. However, it depends because some people are more understanding and accepting than others. However, we have to remember that some NTs are ill-educated and poorly trained.

I agree. I sometimes wonder if we are just two alien species on the same planet.

I briefly worked with a guy back in 2010 who subsequently disclosed to me he had Aspergers. We actually got on, and he seemed pretty intelligent and ran his own business. But he did weird things.
1. He refused to sit down anywhere with his back to another person (He told me he felt paranoid)
2. He had a grandiose sense of self and when he spoke of his achievements (which were impressive) it came across as elitist like he was better than other people
3. I thought he would sympathetic about having a child on the spectrum, instead when he heard she was non-verbal (at the time) he said something rather horrible like "I'm not interested in low functioning autism" (like it triggered him or something?). I took that as a cue to avoid/leave him alone.

All three of those things were in his power to control, but he chose to be weird. That's what I mean.

Hardly. Those of you who post regularly on this forum seem to have "normal" and "logical" thought processes and I doubt anyone who was NT visiting this site would know any better if they interacted with you.
Basically you all carry the same values and beliefs as your NT parents, siblings or spouses/partners or children.
This who NTs are a different species thing doesn't really hold much water.

No, those are not under his control.

Incorrect. And you have missed the point. Talk about taking things literally!

I'm not a murderer/rapist/abuser either.

I think most neurotypical people, especially women, subconsciously and quickly assess others on the basis of how they present themselves. This includes how they dress, personal hygiene, facial expressions, posture, gait, gestures, voice, speech style, etc. Anything that differs from the "norm" can make NTs feel unsure whether that person will be welcoming or comfortable to interact with. Some people are more "judgy" or more accepting of difference than others, of course.

I think that people with autism can present in ways that make NTs feel uneasy. These might include a lack of facial expression (or an angry/grumpy/preoccupied expression), lack of eye contact (or too much), flat or loud voice (sounds bored or aggressive), overly formal language (sounds standoffish), lack of ice-breaking smalltalk, difficulty with holding a conversation (long silences, monologuing), etc. In informal contexts NTs also often use a lot of non-literal language, which can lead to awkward misunderstandings.

I don't think it's anyone's fault, just a communication mismatch and the typical human fear of the unfamiliar. But I can't really tell you how to change, it, either.

OMG!
SECURITY!! !

Because of the 4 decades of gang-stalking I endured by the neurotypical community, I was extremely resentful towards them.
I came to WP almost 10 years ago as a refuge.
Little did I realise how feral SOME on the spectrum could
be.
Thankfully, most have left.

The consequence of my joining this website:
1. My resentment towards NTs significantly mitigated.
I have sorted out NT websites now when I actively avoided them before.
2. I am no longer a "snowflake" and have become emotionally tough.
As Nietzche said:
"Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
I am still damaged by my life-long history of experiences, but I am in a much better position to cope with life these days.
3. I am in better touch with reality and accept there are unpleasant ppl in both the NT and ND universe.
How could it be otherwise?