Observing those who can't make friend with others who can't

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Joined: 13 Apr 2020
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 306
Location: South Carolina

14 Sep 2023, 10:16 am

Here's something I was thinking about lately that I keep noticing. Say you have a board like this, and other places for discussion for ASD individuals where it is common for members(including me) to have difficulty making friends. And yes, there are other categories of people with this issue as well. I am going with ASD for now since it is a very good example.

So in these types of forums or other discussion media, there is a good chance that every so often someone will start a discussion about how they always have had difficulty making friends. Or maybe that wasn't always the case for them, but it is now and for the last ten years they can't make friends. You know, something like that.

I've been observing these types of interaction for a while.
So you will see people who reply, some of which also have the same problem, some had the problem in the past, etc.

I'm not sure how to explain the rest of what I'm trying to say in that context, so I am switching to a hypothetical example so I can get to the point I was trying to make in the title.
So let's say you take a bunch of people with very few or no friends, and difficulty making friends and put them in a room together where they can chat about that issue. You would think they would be able to mesh together with eachother somewhat easily based on the experiences and obstacles that they would certainly have in common. What I have observed is that most of the time that doesn't happen.
Then it appears that those who can't make friends don't find it any easier to make friends with others, like themselves, who are facing that same hardship, which I find to be very bizarre.

Last edited by Sailon on 14 Sep 2023, 2:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,809
Location: New York City (Queens)

14 Sep 2023, 1:02 pm

Sailon wrote:
Then it appears that those who can't make friends don't find it any easier to make friends with others like themselves, facing that same hardship, which I find to be very bizarre.

To make friends with each other, we need to have more in common than just our difficulties making friends. We need to have positive things in common as well as negative things.

That's why I've repeatedly recommended, here on WP, that people edit their profiles to include a signature line that mentions their interests, and also to display their location (not specific enough to endanger privacy, but at least one's country, and, if a large country, one's state/province/region and/or nearest major metro area).

Also, to have lasting friendships, we need to develop what I call autistic-friendly social skills, i.e. the skills we would need just to get along with each other even if there were no NT's in the world and hence no pressure to conform to NT norms. (See Autistic-friendly social skills vs. blending in with NT's.)

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