Is it weird that I've considered not making more friends?

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catpiecakebutter
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25 Oct 2023, 6:50 pm

I've had very little success at making friends so I've considered not trying to look for more friends, especially with in person friends. However, I might try to make online friends. Is that weird?



Mona Pereth
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27 Oct 2023, 5:47 am

I wouldn't worry about whether it is "weird," but only about whether it is what you really want. That's something only you can decide, of course.

There's no law that says people must have friends. But good friends can be extremely helpful and valuable, especially as one gets older. In-person friends can be especially helpful and valuable, but online friends can certainly be better than no friends at all.

If you decide that you still would really like to have some in-person friends, then perhaps we could talk here about how you've been going about seeking potential friends in the past, why that didn't work, and possible better ways.

Or perhaps you could seek online friends with the potential to become in-person friends if mutually desired. For example, if you have not done so already, perhaps you could join some local Meetup groups with associated chatrooms.

Here on Wrong Planet, if you want to keep open the (admittedly very low probability) option of meeting potential in-person friends here, I would suggest that you include your approximate location in your profile. Don't be specific enough to endanger your profile, but do at least mention what country you live in, and, if it's a large country, mention your state/province/region and/or nearest major metro area.

Also, what are your interests/hobbies, if any? To help you find potential friends here on Wrong Planet, purely online or otherwise, I would suggest that you edit your profile to include a signature line that mentions your interests/hobbies.


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Twiglet
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28 Oct 2023, 4:25 am

catpiecakebutter wrote:
I've had very little success at making friends so I've considered not trying to look for more friends, especially with in person friends. However, I might try to make online friends. Is that weird?


I'm doing the same thing. I find it very difficult to cope with friends and I normally end up running away from them. For now I think just being around online people is enough for me.



Aspergers445
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30 Oct 2023, 10:33 am

I wouldn’t say it’s weird. All that matters is that you are comfortable with it. Just bear in mind that they are people that are trustworthy and think about what kind of people they are as online friends are sometimes not always who you think they are so just be a bit careful. Otherwise go for it.



Ik_Ines
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10 Nov 2023, 12:01 pm

I totally relate but wouldn't say it is weird, no.
Forming new relationships is time and energy consuming, not just for autistic.

I have focused so much of my life going towards other people. At various points, I would say I was even "good enough" at it. But maybe you will agree that maintaining those friendships are really hard and it is something I have always struggle with. Sometimes I just find it impossible to generate the amount of efforts needed.

So at the moment, I feel like you. And I think it's okay.
I also think I can change my mind, later, if I feel a greater need and can allocate more resources to it.
So can you (or not) - but it is your decision and either way there is nothing wrong about it.



shortfatbalduglyman
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10 Nov 2023, 2:10 pm

Not weird for autistics

Weird for neurotypicals

I gave up on "friends" a long time ago.

Nobody is perfect

Everyone has subconscious biases

Sometimes things are not the way they appear

Some precious lil "people" act all "buddy -buddy" then the second they think I did something wrong, they act like I invented the world's worst felony and that justifies any response from them, subject to imagination

Cost benefit analysis



AprilR
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15 Nov 2023, 1:51 pm

Its acceptable. I also gave up somehow.
But i am scared of being alone after my parents pass away



catpiecakebutter
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30 Nov 2023, 6:21 pm

I only have a few online friends and a few in person/real life friends. Is it weird that I given up on making real life friends? I don't like getting disappointed again and again. I highly doubt I will make anymore in person friends. My mental health is a priority meaning it's more important than making friends.



Last edited by catpiecakebutter on 30 Nov 2023, 10:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

colliegrace
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30 Nov 2023, 7:39 pm

I don't think it's weird. It's a common issue for those of us on the spectrum.


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AprilR
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01 Dec 2023, 2:13 pm

It is not weird at all. There is only so much you can do to make friends. Some things either happen or not.



Fnord
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01 Dec 2023, 6:03 pm

Not weird. Sad, but not weird.


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Dial1194
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11 Dec 2023, 12:58 am

I haven't actively looked for new friends in over 50 years.



traven
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11 Dec 2023, 3:44 am

after separation, i didn't held any friends
& the some new ones tried to put me on their servants lists
ok
lets not do that



Rainbowstarsxoxo
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17 Dec 2023, 7:26 pm

It’s not weird at all.

I don’t want to make many friends at this moment either. Just internet friends.



Esme
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04 Jan 2024, 5:57 pm

I'm more of an omnivert than introvert, as when I'm actually around people I can do the 'chatty' thing for a while. But I need a lot of alone time too. I've found the best way to make closer bonds with people is through shared groups or projects where we are interacting semi-regularly over something we are both interested in, but a lot of the conversation is centred around the task. The sort of shallow interaction you get from meeting people at NT settings like bars is more difficult to sustain. If you are interested in making friends, a shared hobby/project makes it easier (I think this works for anyone, but ND people more so). Obviously if you don't mind not having more/any friends, then it isn't an issue. Do whatever works for you personally rather than worrying about what other people might think.



belijojo
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04 Jan 2024, 6:26 pm

Fnord wrote:
Not weird. Sad, but not weird.

same


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