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Jamesy
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15 Mar 2024, 4:51 pm

My dad told me today that bullies talk to and try to befriend a lot of different people in social settings because that is how they “Operate”.

Do you think there is some truth to that or not?



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15 Mar 2024, 7:53 pm

Threats and flattery are used simultaneously to get people around them to obey.


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16 Mar 2024, 9:29 am

Bullies are people who are very controlling.



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16 Mar 2024, 10:46 am

Bullies aren't always good at networking but they are sometimes really good networkers. And also people who are good networkers aren't always bullies.

The thing I always remember is that bullies are still people with vulnerabilities. I just usually bully them back.

And I don't care if that makes me a bully as well.


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bee33
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16 Mar 2024, 1:01 pm

I think there's some truth to that. It's how bullies escape being held accountable, by making themselves seem likeable to a lot of people, and then when someone complains that they have been bullied by that person, everyone thinks it's impossible because they all think that that person is so nice. I've definitely seen that happen.



blitzkrieg
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16 Mar 2024, 1:03 pm

bee33 wrote:
I think there's some truth to that. It's how bullies escape being held accountable, by making themselves seem likeable to a lot of people, and then when someone complains that they have been bullied by that person, everyone thinks it's impossible because they all think that that person is so nice. I've definitely seen that happen.


I have come across this type of person, too.



Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2024, 1:44 pm

Things really depend on the bully themselves.

For instance, you have your alpha humans in a social setting who usually have certain standards in place. They are also people who know how to control and step other people into getting what they want. They are mostly to be surrounded by beta people who are willing to follow the rules and probably copy the beta.

Then you have bullies who loathe themselves and are just angry people.



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17 Mar 2024, 1:53 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
bee33 wrote:
I think there's some truth to that. It's how bullies escape being held accountable, by making themselves seem likeable to a lot of people, and then when someone complains that they have been bullied by that person, everyone thinks it's impossible because they all think that that person is so nice. I've definitely seen that happen.


I have come across this type of person, too.


So many times.

I often wonder if the people they are surrounded by can see what their "leader" is like. I always picture it being like the wizard of Oz when the witch has her flying monkeys but as soon as she gets melted they're all sort of glad.

Personally I try and keep to myself if I can see something like that developing. It's not my scene.


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Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2024, 2:18 pm

Babybird,

Psychologists coined the term "Flying monkeys" which are people who do dirty work for the narcissist.



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17 Mar 2024, 2:43 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
bee33 wrote:
I think there's some truth to that. It's how bullies escape being held accountable, by making themselves seem likeable to a lot of people, and then when someone complains that they have been bullied by that person, everyone thinks it's impossible because they all think that that person is so nice. I've definitely seen that happen.


I have come across this type of person, too.


Me too. They are the hard ones to deal with. If you fire back at them, they play the victim.


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17 Mar 2024, 2:46 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Babybird,

Psychologists coined the term "Flying monkeys" which are people who do dirty work for the narcissist.


Yeah I seem to vaguely remember hearing that at some point. It's probably where I picked it up from.

It's incredible the power that ordinary people give to other ordinary people without really giving it a second thought.

Also I think some people might find safety in numbers a better option than being on their own


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Summer_Twilight
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17 Mar 2024, 2:55 pm

This behavior starts in middle school because they want to blend in. Most people like that are afraid to be bullied themselves so they also bully.

Meanwhile, you have bullies who appear to be friends with their victims but are only use the opportunity to feel superior.



babybird
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17 Mar 2024, 3:05 pm

It's fascinating if it wasn't so harmful

I'm kind of usually on the outside looking in and that's where I'm happy.

I'm pretty independent and I will quite easily confront people irl but people confuse me as being tougher than I am so it has happened where these types of people have tried to recruit me and I'm just never interested but they don't like that so then I become a target for them.

It's just like a battle of wills usually


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07 Apr 2024, 3:43 pm

Jamesy wrote:
My dad told me today that bullies talk to and try to befriend a lot of different people in social settings because that is how they “Operate”.

Do you think there is some truth to that or not?


I think at least some of them are using that strategy.



midsizesedan
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03 May 2024, 10:51 am

Yes, they make friends to have people to back them up when their victim retaliates.


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03 May 2024, 11:05 am

Having been on the receiving end of bullies much of my life, I find they work in various ways. One is, they seek out weak people (or seem to be weak) and as it's been said, People on the spectrum are animals of prey (meaning the ones that get eaten). They exploit them as they are easy targets.

Another is and I've experienced this firsthand, is a bully will get the group to turn against someone. By making up lies, spreading rumors, and making said person the scapegoat when something goes wrong. Many who don't want to be a target of the bully themselves, just blindly go along with or go along even if they know it's wrong.

While there are other ways, many bullies I find network this way. Getting the group to go along with them or seeking out a perceived threat, exploiting it, and thus making themselves look like the good guy.

Then people wonder why I don't talk all that much.


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