How do I be more confident when approaching people?

Page 1 of 1 [ 6 posts ] 

DancingSunflower13
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 11 Jul 2024
Gender: Female
Posts: 11
Location: United States

19 Sep 2024, 12:53 pm

Hi, I am a 20 year old girl who isn't in school (money issues) who wants to make friends. It's just hard to make friends because of the area I am in and because I lack confidence. I mess up when I speak, and overall I am awkward. How do I be less shy when talking to people and making friends? The area I live in is right next to the metro/train station on an intersection. So, not a lot to do or many people to meet except crackheads . I also didn't go to school because I have really bad anxiety around people sometimes and could use more hobbies. I'm also afraid of sounding stupid or saying something ridiculous



LittleBeach
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Apr 2024
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 511
Location: UK

19 Sep 2024, 1:17 pm

One way to feel more confident is to look for ways to help people. When you are the one giving assistance it naturally makes you feel more confident because you are the one helping them. I guess it depends on where you are but you could look out for people who seem shy with no one to talk to, or people who are confused about where to go/ what to do.



bee33
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Apr 2008
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,786

19 Sep 2024, 1:39 pm

Can you prepare by having some standard ice breakers or standard phrases that you know are going to be reliable and pleasant? Generally when trying to make conversation you don't have to be original or brilliant, you just have to be pleasant. It's okay to say things that are fairly ordinary, and it might boost your confidence to have go-to things that you are ready to say and to have planned some responses for the things that other people may say, which are also usually fairly predictable.



DancingSunflower13
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 11 Jul 2024
Gender: Female
Posts: 11
Location: United States

19 Sep 2024, 1:45 pm

bee33 wrote:
Can you prepare by having some standard ice breakers or standard phrases that you know are going to be reliable and pleasant? Generally when trying to make conversation you don't have to be original or brilliant, you just have to be pleasant. It's okay to say things that are fairly ordinary, and it might boost your confidence to have go-to things that you are ready to say and to have planned some responses for the things that other people may say, which are also usually fairly predictable.




That is great advice! I do have some go-to questions for getting to know people, but not when it comes to typical questions. Thank you!



DancingSunflower13
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 11 Jul 2024
Gender: Female
Posts: 11
Location: United States

19 Sep 2024, 1:46 pm

LittleBeach wrote:
One way to feel more confident is to look for ways to help people. When you are the one giving assistance it naturally makes you feel more confident because you are the one helping them. I guess it depends on where you are but you could look out for people who seem shy with no one to talk to, or people who are confused about where to go/ what to do.


I have never thought of the first suggestion, thank you! And I am a lot less likely to be afraid of talking to someone shy/quiet, but I am occasionally afraid to because I don't want to seem annoying! Especially if they aren't big on people.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,239
Location: New York City (Queens)

27 Sep 2024, 11:29 am

DancingSunflower13 wrote:
Hi, I am a 20 year old girl who isn't in school (money issues) who wants to make friends. It's just hard to make friends because of the area I am in and because I lack confidence. I mess up when I speak, and overall I am awkward. How do I be less shy when talking to people and making friends? The area I live in is right next to the metro/train station on an intersection. So, not a lot to do or many people to meet except crackheads . I also didn't go to school because I have really bad anxiety around people sometimes and could use more hobbies. I'm also afraid of sounding stupid or saying something ridiculous

Do you have any hobbies at all? If so, you don't necessarily need "more" hobbies. I would suggest seeking out groups of people, e.g. on Meetup.com, who share the hobbies you already have.

You say you live near a train station. Can that train take you to a nearby city where you could attend events relevant to people who share your hobbies?


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.